Author: Staff Reporter

In the chaos of daily life, truly connecting with a partner each weekday demands focused intention and simple, meaningful rituals to strengthen intimacy.

Amidst the hustle of work, commutes, and looming deadlines, weekdays often pass in a blur, leaving couples struggling to find quality time together. However, maintaining a close connection doesn’t require additional hours, only deliberate effort.

For psychologist Mark Travers, PhD, who studies relationships and participates in one himself, everyday rituals can profoundly enhance intimacy between partners, particularly during busy times. Importantly, nurturing a relationship isn’t limited to weekends.

Here are five practices that people in the happiest relationships regularly engage in during weekdays, which are often overlooked by others:

1. Building a Mini Morning Routine

Morning routines tend to be chaotic as people rush to meet alarms, deadlines, and the need to get out the door. Consequently, the limited shared moments might be confined to waking up together and a fleeting kiss before parting ways.

Happy couples, however, find small ways to start their day together, even if it’s just for a brief five or ten minutes. This could involve setting the alarm a tad earlier for morning cuddles, making the bed together while chatting, or simply sharing a quiet coffee moment side-by-side. The specifics are less important than the act of doing it, reminding each other: “No matter what the day holds, we have each other.”

2. Sending Thoughtful Check-ins

Maintaining connection during workdays doesn’t necessitate lengthy conversations. A humorous meme, a brief anecdote from the office, or a quick “thinking of you” message can significantly boost emotional intimacy.

The happiest couples make brief check-ins not to discuss logistics, but to remind each other they are always on each other’s mind. Even the act of taking a few seconds from a lunch break, coffee run, or bathroom break for a quick message can be powerful. These small gestures, although seemingly trivial, uplift moods and strengthen your partner’s sense of being valued.

3. Making Time to Reset Individually

Workday stress often sneaks its way into quality couple time, manifesting through constant email-checking or irritability. To counter this, the happiest couples allocate time to unwind separately after work. Whether it’s a solo walk, a quick gym session, or zoning out with a favored TV show, this personal time helps clear mental clutter, enabling partners to be more present and patient for each other.

Although it might seem counterintuitive, recharging separately can be a crucial step towards meaningful reconnection.

4. Prioritizing Daily ‘Us Time’

Evenings may often be consumed by separate routines—one partner cleaning up, the other scrolling through social media, or both relaxing apart on opposite ends of the sofa. However, the happiest couples intentionally create a shared daily moment free from distractions and multitasking.

This may involve enjoying a meal together, playing a quick game, or watching a trivia show with enthusiastic involvement. It isn’t about what the activity looks like, but purely about it being shared and protected. In these moments, household distractions and notifications take a backseat.

5. Ending the Day with a Quiet Check-in

Nightly check-ins aren’t meant to resolve issues but focus on maintaining emotional alignment and preventing small concerns from escalating. Simple questions like “How are you, really?” or “Are we okay?” facilitate these discussions.

Sometimes these exchanges are statement-based, offering thanks, apologies, or minor reflections missed during the day. These quick nightly check-ins ensure that silence doesn’t dominate only to errupt during weekends. They are essential for maintaining a connection without overexerting.

Dr. Mark Travers highlights these practices as key elements that enhance and sustain happy relationships. He is the leading psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth provider of online psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching, and he is also the curator at Therapytips.org, a wellness website.

As scientists increasingly explore what defines a good life, they focus on three primary visions: happiness, meaning, and psychological richness, highlighting the need for individuals to reflect on which aspect they might be neglecting.

One of the fundamental questions people consider is “How do I want to live?” In recent times, psychological scientists have concentrated on three distinct interpretations of a good life: happiness, meaning, and psychological richness. Each vision offers a unique perspective on how life can be fulfilling and rewarding.

A life centered around happiness is often marked by pleasure, stability, and comfort. The pursuit of happiness seeks to minimize pain, instability, and discomfort. Although happiness is subjective and different for everyone, research frequently underscores the importance of close relationships in this vision of a good life. For instance, a recent study noted that participants considered hosting a party as a daily activity most likely to bring happiness. Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love” illustrates a pursuit of happiness through her enjoyment of Italian cuisine, emphasizing how personal pleasure can define this lifestyle. Those aiming to cultivate happiness might benefit from regularly asking themselves, “What would I most enjoy?”

The second vision of a good life involves seeking meaning, characterized by a sense of purpose, coherence, and significance. This quest for meaning aims to avert aimlessness, fragmentation, and insignificance. Individuals who focus on this vision often feel they contribute positively to the world. Religious and spiritual activities frequently play an essential role in this lifestyle. In “Eat, Pray, Love,” Gilbert’s journey involved devotion through yoga and meditation in India, illustrating how spiritual engagement can foster a meaningful life. To pursue this vision, individuals might ponder, “What would be most meaningful?”

A third vision that psychologists increasingly discuss is that of a psychologically rich life, filled with diverse and interesting experiences that lead to shifts in perspective. The antithesis of a psychologically rich life might involve monotony, boredom, and stagnation. Research suggests that experiences abroad during college enhance feelings of psychological richness. Live music, in-person art, and other stimulating experiences contribute significantly to this vision. Those aspiring to this lifestyle might frequently consider, “What would be most interesting?”

The emphasis placed on each vision of a good life can significantly impact various societal aspects. For example, a community college primarily offering online courses might prioritize happiness by focusing on helping students complete their degrees efficiently to secure well-paid employment. On the other hand, a small liberal arts college that fosters questioning and experiential learning through on-campus living, regular field trips, and encouragement to study abroad highlights the value of psychological richness.

When asked to choose, most people express a preference for a life of happiness. However, many find elements of all three visions appealing. The idea of a good life may, therefore, be an amalgamation of happiness, meaning, and psychological richness. This perspective invites individuals to consider what aspect of a good life they may have overlooked and what they wish to prioritize next. Questions such as “What have I been most neglecting: happiness, meaning, or psychological richness?” and “What do I want to prioritize next?” become pertinent in this exploration of a good life.

This examination into the science and practice of a good life underscores the importance of introspection in finding personal fulfillment, urging individuals to reflect on what aspect of life they value most and wish to cultivate further.