Category: Lifestyle

As President of Microsoft, Bill Doors had a pressed timetable — in any event, sending 2:00 a.m. solicitations to workers. Gates didn’t realize how to be kind to himself and his staff until he looked at the personal daybook of Berkshire Hathaway CEO Warren Buffett.

“I had consistently pressed, and I felt that was the main way you could get things done,” Entryways told writer Charlie Rose in a meeting with Buffett in 2017. “[ I] recollect Warren showing me his schedule … he [still] has days that there’s nothing on it.”

Buffett’s sparser timetable showed Entryways a significant example: ” You control your time … It’s anything but an intermediary of your reality that you fill consistently in your timetable. I can purchase anything I need, essentially, yet I can’t delay,” Buffett added.

Science actually supports Buffett’s strategy, which is essentially “work smarter, not harder.” Laborers’ capability steeply declines when they work over 50 hours out of each week, a 2014 Stanford College concentrate on found.

Individuals who stir as long as 70 hours seven days get a similar measure of work done as the people who slouch over their PCs for 55 hours, the examination uncovered.

That lesson hasn’t just been hard for Gates’ CEO. For instance, Tesla CEO Elon Musk revealed to CNBC’s David Faber in May that he now sleeps at least six hours per night. Musk had previously stated that he frequently worked all-nighters to get to work. “I’ve tried [to sleep] less, but… even though I’m awake more hours, I get less done,” Musk stated. What’s more, the cerebrum torment level is terrible in the event that I get under six hours [of rest for each night].”

For some, getting there might be difficult. It took Doors years to find a solid balance between serious and fun activities, he said in a new beginning discourse at Northern Arizona College.

I didn’t take vacations when I was your age. I didn’t trust in ends of the week. Gates stated, “I didn’t think the people I worked with should either.”

He continued, “Don’t wait as long as I did to learn this lesson.” Take your time to nurture your relationships, recoup from your losses, and rejoice in your accomplishments. Whenever you need to, take a break. Resist the urge to stress about individuals around you when they need it, as well.”

While possessing the correct answers is crucial, success can also be attained by posing the right questions. As Gates stated:

Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve tackled every big new problem the same way: by starting off with two questions. I used this technique at Microsoft, and I still use it today. I ask these questions literally every week about Covid-19.

Here they are: Who has dealt with this problem well? And what can we learn from them?

In essence, this encapsulates Gates’ approach. When attempting to tackle a significant problem or reach a substantial goal, avoid spending time trying to create something new from scratch. Instead, look for an excellent existing solution that can be adapted to your needs. Seek out individuals who have successfully resolved the issue or achieved the objective. Begin with the end in mind – the resolution or accomplishment – and work your way back.

This method serves as a great equalizer since it doesn’t require you to be exceptionally creative, intelligent, connected, educated, or wealthy. All that’s needed is the willingness to search, examine, and follow the steps and processes discovered. The best part is that you’ll embark on this journey with confidence – rather than hope – that your efforts will produce results.

As the saying goes, “what works for others can definitely work for you.”

Bill Gates on Using Your Time Wisely

Warren Buffett once remarked, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” Gates shares a similar perspective:

He recalls Warren showing him his calendar, which had many empty slots. Gates used to believe that filling every minute was the only way to be productive. However, he realized that being cautious with time and allowing for days with nothing on the schedule meant that “sitting and thinking may be a much higher priority.”

Gates emphasizes that a packed schedule is not an indicator of your commitment or effectiveness; it simply makes you busy.

If you find yourself struggling to achieve your goals, take a step back and identify what truly matters and drives results. In most cases, the key factor isn’t you, so don’t assume your presence is indispensable in every meeting or call.

Remember, an overbooked calendar might be preventing you from attaining the success you aspire to and rightfully deserve.

Bill Gates on Being a Good Leader

During Microsoft’s early years, Gates utilized his remarkable memory to monitor the hours employees worked by memorizing their license plates. He would check the parking lot to see when they arrived and left. Given that Gates worked weekends and “didn’t believe in vacations,” this approach is not too surprising.

However, Gates eventually recognized that focusing on results was more important and a better use of his time as a leader. He also learned to adjust his expectations, particularly in terms of patience. As Gates mentioned:

Patience is an essential component of success, particularly for leaders.

Reflect on the most exceptional boss you’ve ever had. You were inspired to perform your best because you knew they cared about and believed in you, and you didn’t want to disappoint them.

One of the most effective ways to demonstrate to your employees that you care and have faith in their abilities is by exercising patience. When you display patience and convey genuine confidence, your team members will naturally be driven to discover methods to accomplish tasks that astonish everyone – themselves included.

Navigating relationships can often appear more complex than necessary. We find ourselves questioning whether our partner is “the one” and if perfection can be sustained. However, reality doesn’t always meet our expectations. When issues arise, the feeling of being overwhelmed or lost in love can set in. To address this, you might explore scientific research, seek counseling, or sift through myriad relationship advice, trying to find something valuable.

The sheer volume of information can be daunting, making inaction seem like the best option. While doing nothing may provide temporary relief, it won’t lead to lasting improvements in your relationship. The good news? Enhancing your relationship is actually simpler than you think, boiling down to just three fundamental strategies.

Take Initiative People who adopt the “take initiative” approach tackle problems head-on. If this sounds like you, it’s difficult for you to sit idly by. Instead, you’re eager to take action and invest time and energy into resolving issues. You prefer being proactive, anticipating potential hurdles and addressing them before they become major concerns. As Nicholas Sparks penned in The Notebook, “So, it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day…” Embrace the effort; it’s a natural part of building a strong relationship. Here are some ways to take initiative:

• The four-hour commitment:

Enhancing your relationship doesn’t need to be time-consuming. With 168 hours in a week, allocate just four to prioritizing your relationship. To maximize the impact, plan date nights with “N.I.C.E.” activities—those that are “new, interesting, challenging, and exciting.” Studies indicate that couples who engage in such activities together enjoy better relationships (Aron et al., 2022).

• Develop relationship skills: Use some of those four hours to improve your relationship skills. Key areas to focus on include communication, conflict resolution, understanding your partner, self-awareness, life management, stress management, and sexual/romantic skills (Epstein et al., 2013). Most of these skills involve self-improvement, making them easier to implement without your partner’s assistance. And since there’s always room for growth, revisiting these skills is beneficial. Research suggests that honing these abilities leads to a healthier relationship.
• Be more adventurous in bed: Here’s an enjoyable suggestion: increasing sexual variety can boost arousal and desire (Morton & Gorzalka, 2015). Greater desire and arousal lead to improved sexual satisfaction by combating monotony and boredom, ultimately reducing the likelihood of infidelity. It’s a win-win situation.

Lower Expectations

If adding more to your already busy life seems unattainable, consider wanting less instead of doing more. This doesn’t mean discarding all your standards; rather, adjust your expectations to be more realistic and appreciate what is sufficient.

The “lower expectations” approach appeals to those who understand that their perception of their partner’s actions or their relationship rules affects their happiness. For instance, viewing occasional moodiness as a deal-breaker or believing that happy couples don’t argue is counterproductive. As Hamlet said, “…there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” The issue might not be the relationship itself, but your perspective. Educating yourself about healthy relationships can help.

• Soulmate myth: While romance is important in a relationship, believing in soulmates can impose nearly impossible standards on your partner. No one is truly flawless. Soulmates are thought to be your perfect match, the person you’re destined to be with (Knee & Petty, 2013). When your partner inevitably falls short, doubts arise. You may question whether you’re in the right relationship or if your partner is the right person for you. Let go of these impossible standards.
• Manage expectations: In the film Up in the Air, Anna Kendrick’s character, Natalie, has a highly specific list of qualities she wants in a partner and claims, “I just don’t want to settle.” Vera Farmiga’s character, Alex, explains that not ticking every box on a wishlist isn’t a failure. However, unrealistic expectations will always disappoint, setting both your partner and your relationship up for failure. Instead, lower your expectations by recognizing that neither you nor your partner is perfect. Excessively high expectations and constant dissatisfaction can prevent you from appreciating your amazing partner.
• Avoid searching for problems: Even with properly adjusted expectations, you might still be overly critical of your partner and relationship. Our natural negativity bias encourages us to focus on negative aspects (Rozin & Royzman, 2001). This can lead to “problemicity” or identifying problems where none exist. Research suggests that when your relationship lacks significant issues, you tend to overemphasize smaller ones (Levari et al., 2018). One way to lower expectations is by not creating drama or seeking out problems.

However, don’t disregard all your standards. Lowering expectations too much can lead to unhappiness. Find a balance with reasonable and realistic expectations.

Appreciate What You Have Sometimes the best solutions are the simplest. If you struggle to find time to “do more” and you have fair expectations, consider adopting the easiest strategy: cherish your current relationship. As Alan Kay said, “A change of perspective is worth 80 IQ points.” It’s time to gain wisdom about your love life.

• Be grateful: Improving your relationship could be as simple as expressing gratitude for what you already have. Acknowledge everything that is easy, comfortable, uncomplicated, stable, and predictable in your relationship. We often take these fundamental building blocks for granted, but they are crucial to success. Expressing gratitude for these positive aspects can enhance relationship quality (Algoe et al., 2013).
• Celebrate the positives: Take your appreciation a step further by emphasizing the good parts even more. Researchers call this “capitalization,” which involves savoring good news and positive moments in a relationship to boost individual well-being and self-esteem (Gable & Reis, 2010). Capitalization also increases closeness, satisfaction, intimacy, and commitment in the relationship. Remember, healthy relationships typically have more positives than negatives – just take the time to notice them.
• Embrace positive illusions: You might worry that your partner and relationship aren’t as great as you perceive them to be. What if you’re wrong or deceiving yourself? Surprisingly, holding positive illusions, or viewing your relationship as better than it is, can actually benefit the relationship (Murray et al., 1996). Our overly generous assessments give our partners a goal to strive for, encouraging self-improvement (e.g., “My partner thinks I’m really wonderful, so I better make sure I am so they’re not disappointed.”), which ultimately benefits the relationship.

What’s the Ideal Approach? So, which of these three strategies should you choose? The best one is the one you’re most likely to put into practice. Your personal problem-solving preference will determine the ideal approach.

• If you’re proactive and driven, take initiative.
• Are you somewhat critical, judgmental, or demanding? Lower your expectations.
• If you believe stepping back and reassessing is necessary, focus on appreciating what you have.

Select the strategy that allows you to get started immediately. Once you begin implementing it, you’ll create positive momentum that can be utilized to incorporate other techniques. Feel free to mix and match or stick with the one that works best for you. What truly matters is that you’re actively working to enhance your relationship. Its future is too valuable to do anything less.

Residing in The Hague, I am surrounded by 11 kilometers of stunning coastline that features picturesque dunes and sandy shores. During summer, it’s common to find locals at Scheveningen or Kijkduin, the city’s most popular beaches, basking in the sun, taking leisurely walks, or cycling before settling on one of the many benches available. They might be reading, conversing with friends, or simply engaging in the act of niksen.

Niksen, a Dutch wellness trend translating to “doing nothing,” gained global attention in 2019 as a method for managing stress and recovering from burnout. At that time, many people were seeking relief from fatigue and depression caused by overwork, leading to the adoption of concepts like Japanese ikigai or Danish hygge. As a linguist, I appreciated how the idea of doing nothing could be conveyed in a single, easy-to-pronounce word.

In my book, Niksen: Embracing the Dutch Art of Doing Nothing, I describe it as “doing nothing without a purpose” – not mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or meditating. While mindfulness focuses on being present in the moment, niksen is about setting aside time to simply exist, allowing your mind to wander freely. In our post-pandemic world, reevaluating how we work and utilize our time is crucial.

From a linguistic standpoint, the verb “niksen” (doing nothing) is derived from “niks,” meaning “nothing.” According to Monique Flecken, a psycholinguist at the University of Amsterdam, “It fits with the tendency of the Dutch language to create verbs out of nouns,” such as “voetbal” (football) becoming “voetballen” (playing football), or “internet” turning into “internetten.” She adds, “The Dutch are a practical, direct people and their language reflects that.”

In the Netherlands, niksen can have both positive and negative connotations. Flecken explains that a parent might ask their child, “Zit je weer te niksen?” (Are you doing nothing again?), while someone might also say “lekker niksen,” translating to “delicious doing nothing,” when referring to an evening blissfully devoid of tasks or work.

Psychologist and author Thijs Launspach defines niksen as “doing nothing or occupying yourself with something trivial as a way of enjoying your own time.” He notes that this concept is more applicable to older individuals with unstructured free time, whereas younger generations in the Netherlands – a country known for its work-life balance – are more stressed than ever.

Launspach attributes this stress to various factors: “Our lives and our jobs have become increasingly complex. We tend to spend a lot of time with computers. There is a lot of pressure on being the best version of yourself, be it in our jobs, or the expectations of parents [or] from social media. There is a lot of pressure to perform.”

Stress, as Bernet Elzinga, a psychology professor at Leiden University, points out, isn’t always detrimental. “It’s not necessarily bad to be for a moment in a state of stress, where you’re really on and focused. The problem is when this is getting out of hand,” she remarked. However, niksen can offer a solution by allowing the mind to wander and reflect, connecting us to our default mode network.

Interestingly, engaging in niksen can boost productivity, as taking breaks enables our brains to rest and refocus. This might explain why the Dutch, despite not working long hours, are highly efficient at work. In the Netherlands, the prevailing attitude is “just be normal, that’s already crazy enough,” discouraging overtime and reflecting the country’s honest and egalitarian culture.

This approach appears to be effective, as the Dutch are renowned for their creativity and innovation – from famous painters like Rembrandt, Vermeer, and Escher to inventive flood control measures like massive dams and floating houses.

The Dutch also value enjoyment, as evidenced by the word lekker, meaning “delicious,” but applicable to anything pleasant, such as lekker warm, lekker slapen, and lekker niksen. Their focus on leisure makes it easier for people to do nothing more effortlessly. Locals often spend their time actively, cycling or hiking, and flocking to cafes and terraces whenever the sun emerges, even in winter. These spaces are ideal for practicing niksen.

However, Launspach remains skeptical of using niksen as a stress prevention strategy. “I’m a little bit skeptical of the idea that you should create a buffer between you and stress. I don’t know if that’s even possible in the way that we live and work now,” he stated. Elzinga, on the other hand, believes engaging in physical activity in nature is a better way to distract from daily concerns.

Fortunately, the Netherlands offers opportunities to combine niksen, nature, and movement. The Dutch cherish their limited natural areas, with many dune spaces forming part of an extensive network of hiking and cycling routes across the country. Even in larger cities like Rotterdam, The Hague, or Amsterdam, trails are never too far away.

In collaboration with the Dutch Railway system, Wandelnet has developed NS Wandelingen, a series of easily accessible hiking routes via public transport. With distances ranging from 7 to 22 kilometers, these routes are perfect for day trips, and the numerous benches along the way provide opportunities for niksen breaks.

The Dutch can enjoy such leisure time thanks to their excellent welfare system and balance between hard work and ample days off. “Having a good social support system, having lower stress level relates to feeling secure and in balance. So, I wouldn’t overestimate the importance of that,” said Elzinga. Given the ongoing global challenges – the Covid-19 pandemic and the war in Ukraine – stress relief is more vital than ever.

Arguably, the most crucial aspect you can bring to your relationship is being conscious of your own emotions. Equally important is understanding your partner’s feelings. To say that these skills are essential for a couple’s well-being and happiness would be a massive understatement.

Even with awareness of your relationship’s emotions, what should you do with this knowledge? This is where communication skills come into play. How do you express to your partner that they’ve angered or hurt you? How can you convey your needs to them? As most couples therapists know, “The way you communicate a difficult message is even more important than the message itself.”

Let’s examine examples of unsuccessful communication.

Ineffective Communication Examples

Mark is upset and angry because Beth didn’t pay attention to him at a party, even after he asked her to stay by his side since he didn’t know anyone.

1. Passive-aggressive: Mark decides, “I’ll show her how it feels. I’ll ignore her at my work party next week.”
2. Aggressive: Mark approaches Beth during the party and quietly, but furiously, says, “You are so self-centered! I’m never going to another party with you again.”
3. Sarcastic: As soon as they get in the car to drive home, Mark angrily says, “Well, I hope you had fun at that party because I sure didn’t.”

Passive-Aggressive

Passive-aggressive actions are more about retaliation than communication. Mark believes his tit-for-tat approach will teach Beth a lesson, but it won’t. When Mark ignores Beth at his work party, it’s likely that she’ll never link his behavior to her own. Even if she does, resentment will follow. This method only burdens the relationship with negativity over time.

Aggressive

In this example, Mark uses an accusatory and confrontational approach, with poor timing. His words, tone, and decision to confront her during the party guarantee that Beth won’t want to fix the issue. Instead, she’ll feel attacked, hurt, and potentially humiliated. Sadly, Mark’s needs will remain unaddressed.

Sarcastic

Here, Mark waits until it’s too late for Beth to correct her behavior in the moment. He doesn’t communicate his feelings directly or considerately. Sarcasm is like “a jab that comes at you from the side.” Beth will feel accused and attacked, raising her defenses. Consequently, Mark’s message will be lost.

If you see yourself or your partner in these examples, it’s likely that neither of you learned effective communication skills growing up. As a therapist specializing in childhood emotional neglect, I’ve observed that many couples’ communication is heavily influenced by their upbringing.

Some families openly and directly address emotions and are comfortable discussing problems. Others are deeply uncomfortable or entirely oblivious to their members’ feelings. Emotionally neglectful families fail to teach their children essential emotional communication skills required for a happy marriage.

If you or your partner were raised in an emotionally neglectful family, there’s a high chance your marriage suffers from a lack of communication skills. This can be frustrating and divisive, but there’s another lesser-known negative result: your messages, feelings, and needs go unheard, and thus, unfulfilled.

Good Communication Skills Examples

Consider the same scenario where Mark feels hurt and angry because Beth disregarded him at a party, even after he requested her to stay with him since he was unfamiliar with the crowd.

1. At the party, Mark gently places his hand on Beth’s shoulder and whispers in her ear, “Don’t forget, I don’t know anyone here. Please remember to stay with me.”
2. As they drive home, Mark calmly asks, “Beth, I thought we agreed to stick together at the party tonight. What happened?”

In the first instance, Mark’s communication is spot-on. He conveys his needs to Beth while still at the party, giving her the chance to rectify the situation. His approach is non-confrontational, as he merely reminds her. This way, he not only assumes she isn’t deliberately ignoring him but also encourages her to address the issue.

In the second example, although Beth cannot fix the problem during the party, Mark still communicates in a non-accusatory and non-aggressive manner.

Posing questions is an excellent method for avoiding blame and allowing your partner to explain their actions. It also fosters open discussion rather than inciting an angry or defensive reaction. Remember, “the moment your partner’s defenses are up, you lose their capacity to attend to your feelings or needs.”

The Greatest Benefit of Effective Communication

Effective communication skills offer numerous advantages. They facilitate honesty within the relationship and continuously deepen your understanding of one another—even after 20 years together.

As with poor communication skills, there’s another crucial aspect that most people overlook: when you express yourself appropriately, your partner is more likely to listen, increasing the chances of getting your wants and needs met.

If you or your partner were raised in an emotionally neglectful family and didn’t have the opportunity to learn effective communication skills, it’s essential to know that it’s never too late. As long as you’re willing to learn, you can acquire these skills and even pass them on to your children.

What differentiates successful people from others in social situations? The answer might be simpler than anticipated: habits. Adopting the right habits can lead to success in business and life, while letting go of harmful ones can help overcome challenges. To achieve greater success, learn from those who have already found it by emulating their habits and identifying any personal behaviors that might hinder your progress. In this article, we’ll discuss key habits that successful individuals avoid in social settings, providing a clear path for personal growth and achievement.

1.They Never Put Anyone Down

The journey to success can sometimes be lonely, especially if what we consider accomplishments aren’t widely recognized. Truly successful people understand this and develop empathy for those striving to succeed. Rejections and obstacles can be disheartening, but knowing that their efforts are appreciated by some can keep them going. Successful people are aware of the struggles involved in reaching the top, so they always advocate for fair treatment. They never intentionally demean anyone in public; instead, they elevate and uplift others’ spirits, encouraging them to keep going.

2. They Don’t Conform Just to Fit In

Successful individuals know how to adapt in social situations without conforming to ideas that conflict with their values. They consistently align with their core values, embracing authenticity and simplicity while overcoming challenges and expectations. If successful people stopped pursuing their passions after listening to naysayers, they wouldn’t become pioneers in their industries. For them, external validation is appreciated but not necessary for achieving success. Their priority is following their convictions, even if they’re in the minority.

3. They Don’t Tolerate Disrespect

Truly successful people recognize their worth and refuse to let others disrespect them. Their strong sense of self-respect enables them to distance themselves from situations or individuals who fail to appreciate and value them as they deserve. Disrespect in social settings can manifest in various ways, from subtle to blatant actions or words. However, instead of creating a scene, successful people handle confrontations gracefully. They maintain professionalism but always communicate their feelings and reasons for taking offense.

4.They Never Claim Perfection

Genuinely successful individuals understand that achieving perfection is impossible, and as such, they don’t pretend to be perfect. Maintaining a faultless exterior can be draining, as “it’s easy to slip up and make mistakes.” Society’s concept of perfection is so restrictive that those perceived as perfect often fear taking risks or stepping outside their comfort zones. Successful people acknowledge that certain factors, like the actions of others, are beyond their control. Instead of fretting over things that don’t go according to plan, they concentrate on what they can influence. They never feign perfection and consistently accept responsibility for their failures, rather than burdening themselves with stress and blaming those around them.

5.They Don’t Overcompensate

Successful individuals never feel compelled to overcompensate, as they possess a natural confidence based on a firm grasp of their own identity. They understand that their best efforts are sufficient for any given situation. Moreover, successful people recognize that overcompensation often arises from a need to hide personal deficiencies. With a strong faith in their own abilities, however, they have no reason to disguise any perceived shortcomings. This self-confidence enables them to concentrate on their objectives without succumbing to the pressure to overcompensate. Defining one’s own vision of success is essential – successful people clearly comprehend what accomplishment means to them, which eliminates the urge to overcompensate or overachieve. While they have a guiding compass directing them towards their goals, they’re not impervious to insecurities and failures. Nevertheless, they refuse to allow setbacks to define them or hinder their pursuits, maintaining focus and resilience in the face of adversity.

6.They Always Celebrate Their Achievements

For successful individuals, reaching their current position required a long and challenging journey. Many might have considered giving up along the way, but various motivations and milestones kept them going – which is why it’s crucial for them to consistently celebrate every victory. “Celebrating small wins gives us a feeling of pride and happiness that keeps us working towards bigger goals.” This sentiment is particularly true when others join in the celebration. However, celebrating achievements in social situations doesn’t grant people the right to be boastful or arrogant. Successful people do so because they’re genuinely proud of their accomplishments and wish to share their positivity, not because they want to feel superior to others.

7.They Always Listen to Others

While successful people have a clear sense of their goals, they also appreciate the significance of listening to others – even if it proves challenging at first. They never neglect to listen because they recognize that their ideas may not always be the best – others might have more valuable insights or methods for achieving a shared objective. Effective listening involves more than simply allowing others to speak; it also requires giving full attention and resisting the urge to react defensively. “If you start listening closely to what others have to say, then it’s easier to gain their trust and respect.”

1. They Always Prioritize Their Friends

Successful individuals understand when to accept requests and invitations, but they also recognize when it’s appropriate to decline. They develop the skill of discerning when to say no over time. These people always make time for their loved ones, ensuring they never cancel plans. Highly successful individuals avoid flaking on others by not overcommitting themselves. They enjoy spending quality time with important people in their lives while also setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care. Success, in their eyes, involves choosing whom to say no to. Effective time management allows them to strike a balance between pursuing their passions and bonding with loved ones.

1. They Seize Every Opportunity

Highly successful individuals believe that valuable lessons can be found in the most unexpected places. They are confident in their ability to handle any opportunity that comes their way. Many people struggle with self-doubt and impostor syndrome, but successful individuals set themselves apart with their unwavering faith in their own capabilities. Instead of being intimidated by significant opportunities, they confidently embrace them, understanding that even failure provides essential learning experiences. Successful people approach every situation as a chance for growth and improvement.

1. They Don’t Expect Too Much Too Soon

While successful people do their best to help those around them, they also acknowledge that they are not responsible for meeting everyone’s needs. They believe in earning their success and never anticipate handouts or unearned favors from others. When it comes to offering assistance, they are more than willing to return the support they’ve received during their times of need. Appreciative of the aid they’ve been given, they often form lasting friendships with those who have supported them, cultivating a network of caring, uplifting connections.

1. They Avoid “Humble Bragging”

Humble bragging is a way of boasting that thinly disguises arrogance with a semblance of humility. Successful people understand that humble bragging is irritating and toxic behavior, so they exercise restraint in their choice of words and tone. They don’t embellish their stories with exaggerations or false details to make them seem more impressive than they are. Their friends and family members take pride in their accomplishments, ensuring that their achievements are recognized and celebrated without the need for humble bragging.

1. They Never Pretend to Know It All

Successful individuals never claim to have all the answers, especially when their knowledge on a subject is limited. Rather than speaking thoughtlessly, they listen attentively to others and strive to learn from them. Many people lack the intellectual humility to admit their ignorance and seek help, often because they perceive it as a sign of weakness. However, successful individuals recognize that listening to those who possess greater expertise is crucial for achieving their goals. They understand that admitting what they don’t know is perfectly acceptable, as there is always room for growth and improvement.

Small habits can often bring about substantial changes in our lives. Incorporating easy yet impactful practices into our everyday routines can lead to enduring self-improvement and transformation. In this article, we delve into six minor habits that can alter your life for the better when consistently applied.

Write Down Your Goals

The initial habit to embrace is recording your objectives. “When you put your aspirations on paper, they become more concrete,” serving as visible, solid reminders of what you want to accomplish. Writing down your goals helps to engrave them in your memory, making it simpler to concentrate on achieving them.

To establish practical objectives, think about using the SMART criteria, which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. By setting SMART goals, monitoring your progress and maintaining motivation becomes easier. With your written goals, you can “refer to them regularly,” supplying you with continuous motivation and guidance.

Establish Systems for Goal Achievement

Although goal-setting is essential, it’s equally important to develop systems that support their realization. A goal signifies the desired result, while a system represents the process leading you there. Having a systematic approach to attaining goals reduces the chances of being sidetracked by unexpected obstacles or distractions.

For instance, if you aim to lose 10 pounds within three months, a potential system could include regular exercise, meal planning, and monitoring your daily calorie consumption. By concentrating on the system rather than the outcome, you can maintain constant effort and enhance your chances of success.

Implementing and sustaining systems necessitates discipline, organization, and occasional reevaluation. Regularly assess your systems’ effectiveness and make adjustments to guarantee ongoing progress.

Apply the Pareto Principle to Prioritize Important Tasks

The Pareto Principle, or the 80/20 rule, implies that roughly 80% of results stem from 20% of efforts. Utilizing this principle in various aspects of your life enables you to concentrate on the most crucial tasks, ensuring that your energy is channeled toward activities with the most significant outcomes.

To effectively employ the Pareto Principle, start by identifying and prioritizing the most vital tasks in your personal and professional life. Focusing on these high-impact activities can lead to “meaningful progress toward your goals” while preventing the risk of overextending yourself.

Learn to Say No

Developing the ability to be selective with your commitments is one of the most influential habits you can cultivate. By declining things that don’t align with your objectives or values, you make room for activities that truly matter.

Establishing boundaries is crucial for maintaining equilibrium and focus in your life. Mastering the art of saying no without causing offense or straining relationships is essential. Practice assertive and transparent communication, and keep in mind that it’s often better to turn down an invitation or request than to overcommit and disappoint others or yourself.

Saying no to the right things can result in heightened focus and productivity, ultimately enabling you to accomplish more in less time.

Treat Time as Your Most Precious Asset

Time is a finite resource that cannot be regained once spent. When you acknowledge the true value of your time, you’re more likely to make choices that mirror your priorities and bring you closer to your goals.

To effectively utilize your time, devise methods for managing and monitoring it. Consider using tools like calendars, planners, and time-tracking apps to stay organized and maintain oversight of your schedule. Set aside time for crucial tasks and ensure you have enough downtime for relaxation and rejuvenation. Periodically evaluate how you use your time and adjust as necessary to maximize this invaluable resource.

Improve a Little Each Day

The notion of continuous improvement highlights the power of small, incremental changes. Rather than aiming for huge leaps forward, concentrate on making daily progress in various aspects of your life, such as health, relationships, and career. Over time, these minor adjustments can accumulate, leading to significant transformation.

To integrate daily improvement into your routine, begin by identifying areas where you want to grow. Next, establish attainable micro-goals that can be addressed each day. For instance, if you want to enhance your fitness, commit to doing ten minutes of exercise daily, gradually increasing the duration or intensity as you become stronger.

Consistency is the key to continuous improvement. Consciously engage in daily activities that promote growth and progress, creating a positive feedback loop that fuels your motivation and reinforces your commitment to change.

Inspirational stories of people who have transformed their lives through small, consistent changes serve as powerful reminders of what can be achieved when we concentrate on daily improvement. Embrace the potential of incremental progress, and you might accomplish more than you ever imagined.

Conclusion

The six habits examined in this article – recording goals, establishing systems for goal achievement, applying the Pareto Principle, learning to say no, valuing time, and pursuing daily improvement – can bring about lasting change when consistently practiced. As you begin your journey toward enduring transformation, remember these habits and commit to incorporating them into your everyday routine.

Change is rarely easy, but with perseverance, determination, and a focus on these minor habits, you can create a life that is more satisfying and more aligned with your values and ambitions. Keep in mind that small, consistent steps lead to major transformations. Start today and harness the power of small habits to change your life forever.

Despite global issues such as the cost-of-living crisis, climate change, and mass shootings, people remain obsessed with happiness. Happiness has become a central focus in modern society, with terms like “Chief Happiness Officer,” the Happy Planet Index, and the World Happiness Report emphasizing its importance. However, despite this, people are often unhappy, with millions suffering from depression and anxiety worldwide.

Happiness has long been seen as a goal and a reward for hard work, even by ancient Greek philosophers like Socrates. However, the positive thinking movement and abundance theory have made it seem like happiness is the primary objective that people can achieve if they try hard enough. However, the phenomenon of affective forecasting shows that people often misjudge what will make them happy, leading to disappointment.

Amidst this confusion, it’s worth asking whether happiness is the right goal to pursue. Instead, what if people pursued wonder, an emotion as universal as happiness and fear? Wonder can make people feel like a small part of a bigger system, which can make their problems seem smaller too. Negative emotions like sadness and fear shouldn’t be avoided, as they contribute to a more profound sense of well-being. Psychologist and philosopher Kirk Schneider calls happiness “potential fool’s gold” and warns against toxic positivity, which can be just as harmful as negative thinking.

Embracing negative emotions and emotional granularity, or emodiversity, can help people broaden their emotional vocabulary, which makes them more resilient. Co-activation, holding positive and negative emotions in one’s mind simultaneously, is also a powerful coping mechanism that increases people’s sense of meaning and gratitude in the face of adversity. Bittersweetness, sympathy, nostalgia, and wonder are mixed or “dually valenced” emotions that can have positive effects.

During times of stress, people often lean on simple emotions like happiness or sadness instead of embracing complex emotions like wonder. However, complex emotions make people more resilient and help them metabolize traumatic experiences. In one study, widows and widowers who recalled both positive and negative elements of their deceased spouses were better able to manage their grief. Author Susan Cain describes mixed emotions as “some of the most sublime aspects of being human,” connected to our appreciation of how fragile life can be.

In conclusion, it’s important to question whether happiness is the right goal to pursue. Wonder and mixed emotions like bittersweetness, nostalgia, and wonder can provide people with more profound well-being and resilience. By embracing complex emotions, people can better metabolize traumatic experiences and find meaning in them.

When it comes to trusting someone, certain traits help in establishing a sense of reliance. From honesty to accountability, here is a list of qualities often found among trustworthy people:

Honesty:

Signs that someone may not be entirely honest are difficulty making eye contact, nervous body language, and changing stories.

Reliability:

Consistency and following through on commitments indicate reliability. From being punctual to meeting deadlines without fail, trusted people remain dependable when called upon.

Consistency:

Unexpected changes in behavior and decision-making can pose as a warning sign – if you’re looking for someone to trust it’s best to observe their consistency across various scenarios over time.

Responsibility:

Taking initiative and dealing with problems before they arise sets responsible people apart from those who cannot be trusted, as they will always take ownership of their actions rather than shifting blame onto others.

Integrity:

Moral and ethical principles create an internal compass ensuring decisions will be made justly regardless of any external influences – making these people good role models for others to learn from.

Transparency:

By being open about thoughts, feelings, and intentions transparency creates a level of trustworthiness due to the knowledge that you’re never in the dark about how another person truly feels or what is really going on within them.

Loyalty:

Whether we’re talking about friendship or romantic relationships, loyalty is essential for another person to be considered trustworthy – staying committed even when times get tough or shinier alternatives come along!

Accountability:

In line with taking responsibility for their actions, accountable people are willing to face consequences if things do not go according to plan while also learning from mistakes so they don’t repeat them in the future as well as happily taking glory when success is achieved.

Empathy:

Having empathy means being able to understand how one feels and put yourself in their shoes – leading towards more favorable outcomes when another can identify with your experience at a human level instead of acting solely based on logic.

Confidentiality:

When confiding in someone any violation of secrecy shows lack of trustworthiness which applies both personally or within the workplace context where sensitive information needs protection from gossip or loose lips!

One of the surprising ways to boost energy and happiness is through the sense of smell. Every time one indulges in a lovely scent, it ties them to the present, with a feeling of being transported into the past. Scent memories can be powerful, prompting a person to remember the most loving moments of their past. Enjoying lovely fragrances helps people recall happy times. “With a scent, you can’t bookmark it, rewind it, stockpile it, or save it for later. It ties you the present moment,” says the author in the book.

Utilize Your Sense of Touch to Alleviate Stress

Another sense that people can tap into to calm their anxious selves is the sense of touch. Holding something cuddly and warm can be comforting in anxiety-ridden situations, such as medical facilities. “My aunt works in palliative care, and they recently put in a big order of light, cuddly throws. It’s comforting for people to touch something soft and warm,” the author explains. Similarly, the author has her way of using touch to address anxiety-ridden situations involving public speaking. She says, “I hold a pen when I’m in a situation that makes me anxious, like being backstage before giving a big talk.”

Boost your focus and productivity by harnessing the power of sound

Those distracted and feeling unproductive can use their sense of sound to help focus. One way to address the challenge of controlling the surroundings is to take breaks from enclosed spaces in a quieter and more serene atmosphere. For instance, one could work in a coffee shop or similar bustling environment while secluding oneself to a private space at the library or other areas designated to promote quiet workspaces.

Boost your creativity with your sense of sight

On the other hand, those seeking to boost their creative inspirations can use their sense of sight. Rather than getting lost in thought during a walk, the author suggests looking for small details. For example, during the daily walks, find small details such as colors, tree types, or materials on buildings. Notably, the author advises looking closer each day for the more beauty and surprises that likely exist. The author gained insights into mismatched details on a street she had walked on hundreds of times before.

Want to feel more connected to people? Tap into your sense of taste

Lastly, for those seeking to connect better with others, she recommends using taste. Sharing unique foods and flavors brings people together, as it is an ancient human custom. In creating shared sensory experiences, people loosen up and feel closer. Thus, the author organized a “Taste Party” event where her guests examined various flavors and rated them. They explored the five basic tastes of sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and umami, asked each other about childhood candy, and continually laughed throughout the evening. It was a tremendous experience, made their conversations feel unusually warm and intimate.

The five senses can help people to live healthier, happier, and more fulfilled lives. The author’s journey to find ways to enhance the quality of life led to her inspirational book “Life in Five Senses.” By tapping into the power of the senses, individuals can connect to the ordinary moments of life that they want to experience and remember.

(Gretchen Rubin is a happiness researcher and bestselling author of “The Happiness Project.” Her most recent book is “Life in Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World.” She’s also host of the popular podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin, and founder of the award-winning Happier app.)

The physical traits of women that attract men are no mystery.

Research has shown that just as broad shoulders and a narrow waist attract most women to men, a hip-to-waist ratio that accentuates the “right” curves on a woman is irresistible to most men. Oh, and also breasts, lips, eyes, butt, legs, hair, complexion … the list of physically alluring features is vast. Every man has his own preferences, just as every woman has hers.

But what if we look past the surface? Looks might catch someone’s eye initially, but what keeps them around past that first blush of physical attraction?

What personality traits does a man look for in a woman who could become a potential romantic partner?

We asked a panel of YourTango Experts who have made a study of relationships in their careers to share the traits that men seek in a woman to create a deep, lasting connection.

Six relationship experts share the non-physical traits that men are attracted to in a woman:

1. Encouraging and supportive

Encouragement. Men want not just approval, but someone who will have their back and make them feel that setbacks are not failures but a search for a new way forward. You can be cheerful and say, “You are smart. You will figure it out.”

– Jeff Saperstein, career coach

2. Emotional intelligence and a sense of humor

Outside of physical traits and attractiveness, the top traits high-value men look for are the following based on actual input from my male clients: light-heartedness, curiosity, a focus on personal growth, and possessed of a high EQ (emotional intelligence).

A woman who can emotionally connect with a man, and understands and appreciates his feelings, ambitions, and insecurities is a top trait men look for. High emotional intelligence plays a big role in any relationship. It speaks volumes when a woman can stay aware of her emotions and the emotions of others, allowing for meaningful communication and connection without blow-ups and emotional outbursts.

– Carmelia Ray, celebrity matchmaker and online dating coach

3. Warmth and confidence

Most men look for a woman who is comfortable with herself since this will likely help them feel comfortable in her presence. They like a woman who is warm, kind, and friendly with an upbeat personality because that makes them feel good. If he feels good when he’s with you, that is a great start!

– Ronnie Ann Ryan, dating and intuitive coach

4. Accepting and non-judgmental

We are all aware that men are visually stimulated. But when it comes to finding a partner to settle down with, many men are looking for someone that they can be themselves around. I’m not talking about gross bodily functions, I mean they want to be free to express their real desires, hopes, and fears.

Someone that will allow them to express themselves without judgment or shame. Men crave respect and they want to know that their partner won’t lose respect for them when they see them at their most vulnerable.

– Taylor Kovar, CFP, CEO at the Money Couple

5. Congeniality and a well-rounded life

As a matchmaker, the most common non-physical traits that my male clients seek in a partner are: easy to be with, happy with her life, and having interests that excite her.

6. Honesty and level-headedness

A partner must not make up stories and live in a fantasy world but must live in reality — where actions never lie.

– Jack Kinney, founder and career coach

When young people ask me for career advice, I always tell them: “Don’t just focus on your own accomplishments. Be a collaborator.”

Through a decade of teaching and research at Harvard’s business and law schools, I discovered an important and often overlooked insight: People who figured out how to collaborate across teams gained a major competitive edge over those who did not.

The advantages of collaboration skills

When it comes to hiring, smart collaborators are highly desirable candidates. They deliver higher quality results, get promoted faster, are more noticed by senior management, and have more satisfied clients.

But here’s what shocked me the most: Collaboration skills are surprisingly rare, especially among men.

A 2021 McKinsey study found that women leaders, compared with men at their same level, were about twice as likely to spend substantial time on collaborative efforts that fell outside their formal job.

How to be an exceptional collaborator

Being a collaborator isn’t easy. But the primary goal is simple: bringing people together to solve problems and learn something new.

Here’s how to get better at it:

1. Be an inclusive leader.

Whether or not you’re the project leader, take steps to draw diverse people together.

The mindset I always have is: “That person thinks differently from me. They know something different that I don’t, and I can learn a lot from them.”

These people shouldn’t just have different knowledge domains. They should also represent different professional backgrounds, ages and life experiences.

2. Show appreciation and acknowledgement.

A groundbreaking study by Harvard Business School professor Boris Groysberg found that workers, especially men, often take their professional networks for granted.

During job interviews, because they failed to appreciate how much support they received from their colleagues, they believed they were more independent and “portable” than they actually were.

This “me-first” mentality is often a dealbreaker — and turnoff — for hiring managers. Even Claire Hughes Johnson, a former Google VP of 10 years, says she looks for self-awareness and collaboration skills “before anything else.”

3. Ask for help.

If you’re in charge of presenting a sales report every week, but do it solely on your own, that could suggest you think your opinion is the most valuable.

But if you reach out to experts across different departments for insights, your data points will likely be more compelling.

Don’t forget to mention the names of those who contributed, as well as their expertise. This will give your report more credibility.

4. Crowdsource.

Give people a way to learn without having to be part of every team. My research found that a desire to learn is a frequent driver of voluntary commitment.

Communities created through Slack and similar messaging tools are a great way to spur virtual forms of collaboration, knowledge sharing, and knowledge distribution.

5. Share data streams.

Scorecards and dashboards are powerful tools for several reasons:

They allow you to measure progress against the goals you’ve set.

When shared publicly, they create a sense of peer pressure, because they allow the outcomes of leaders to be compared to those generated by their peers.

They make critical information accessible, and thereby make the process of inclusion more transparent.

Consider which data should be shared, and when, and how. The point is not to hide data, but rather to make it accessible and useful to specific audiences. A good rule of thumb: err on the side of oversharing.

(Heidi K. Gardner, PhD, is a Distinguished Fellow at Harvard Law School’s Center on the Legal Profession and Program Chair of the Sector Leadership Master Class. Previously, she was a professor at Harvard Business School. She is also the coauthor of the bestselling book “Smarter Collaboration.” Heidi earned master’s degree from the London School of Economics, and a second PhD from London Business School. Follow her on Twitter.)

There has been a general decline in marriage over recent decades. But behind that general decline lies a more interesting story. Marriage is diversifying, with different people tying the knot for very different reasons. But marriage is also dividing, especially along class lines.

To understand these marriage patterns, it is important we try to understand why people get married in the first place. There are perhaps five main reasons to marry: God, money, love, pregnancy, or status:

For some people marriage is simply a religious matter, a covenantal relationship. Marriage is a sacrament, especially in the Christian tradition.

For many more people there’s still an economic element to getting married. (On that note, let me give an early recommendation of Melissa Kearney’s forthcoming book, The Two-Parent Privilege: How Americans Stopped Getting Married and Started Falling Behind.)

There is obviously also companionship and love: you fall in love and want to spend the rest of your life with someone. So, for many there’s primarily a romantic element to marriage.

Another reason for getting married, much less common today than in the past, is because of an unintended pregnancy, the so-called, “shotgun wedding.” There was a sense that if you were bringing a new life into the world, then that should be done within marriage, and that remains true to some extent today.

Marriage is also a signal of status (what Andrew Cherlin calls the “trophy marriage”), and this may be more common today than in the past—being married is a way of signaling success and status within a society.

So there are now a range of reasons, including religion, romance, economics, and status, that might lead people to the marital state. But it is clear that the “standard” model of marriage as breadwinner and childrearer is passing away.

For women, the traditional model of marriage was an economic necessity particularly if she was planning to have children—to be with a man who would be the provider. Obviously, that has changed today. Women account for 40% of sole or primary breadwinners in U.S. households.

For men, marriage was a way to attach himself to children. If he was going to have children, he had to do that with a woman who would raise those children, and so he had to provide for them. So, there was a complementarity inherent in the traditional view of marriage, but which, of course, was founded on a very deep economic inequality between men and women.

That inequality was a driving force of the women’s movement, especially for people like Gloria Steinem, who said the point is to make marriage into a choice rather than a necessity, and to actually free women from the economic bondage of marriage. “Being able to support oneself allows one to choose a marriage out of love and not just economic dependence,” Steinem said in 2004. That inequality and dependence has been successfully shattered by the women’s movement.

Today, the very institution of marriage, which is central to human societies, has been fundamentally transformed. It’s an institution that is now entered into on the basis of egalitarian principles. Women have huge exit power—they are twice as likely as men to file for divorce. As a result, women are no longer stuck in bad marriages, which is a huge achievement for humanity.

But for men, of course, the old role of providing while their wives raise the children has largely gone out of the window, too. Men’s role in marriage and what it means for a man to be “marriageable,” to use a slightly ugly term from social science, is very different now from in the past. When it comes to marriage, women are increasingly looking for something more than just a paycheck.

Today, the very institution of marriage, which is central to human societies, has been fundamentally transformed. It’s an institution that is now entered into on the basis of egalitarian principles.

It’s a bit like the kaleidoscope has been shaken, and the patterns haven’t quite settled yet. You see lesbian and gay couples being able to opt into marriage. Within a couple of years of the Supreme Court decision, we saw almost 3 out of 5 lesbian and gay couples choosing to get married. You also see a big class gap opening up: fewer working-class and lower-income Americans are opting into the institution. What we now have is what my colleague Isabel Sawhill describes as “a new fault line in the American class structure.” No one expected that Americans with the most choice and the most economic power—and especially American women with the most choice and economic power—would be the ones who were continuing to get married and stay married.

There’s been a very slight decline in marriage for those with four-year college degrees, but a really big decline for those with less education. The typical college-educated American woman is almost as likely to get married as her mother was, and if anything, a little bit more likely to stay married.

One of the other big changes has been a significant rise in the age at first marriage, up to around 30. I think about my parents who married at 21, having met at 17, which was pretty common back then. Actually, as late as 1970, most women who went to college in the U.S., which was a minority of course, were married within a year of graduating. That’s a world that’s very difficult to fathom now, as both men and women now enter the labor market, become economically successful, and often establish themselves economically before getting married. Today, you do all that first, then you marry. Marriage has become more like a capstone, to use another of Andrew Cherlin’s descriptions, where marriage is a signal of everything that has led up to the ceremony, rather than the beginning of a journey.

We can no longer tell a single story about marriage in America in the way we could 40 years ago. We need to tell different stories based on class and race and geography. We’ve seen a real divide opening up in marriage in the United States.

Americans, today, are much less likely to see marriage as something that you need to do to be a complete person or have a good life. In fact, fewer than 1 in 5 Americans now believe that it’s essential to be married to have a fulfilling life. That’s a huge cultural change.

The model of marriage that was founded on economic dependency for women is completely obsolete. This is progress. But while we have created models of the family that are more equal and fair, they are often not such stable unions. The challenge we now face is to find ways to create more stability in our family life, without sacrificing the goal of equality. What we should be asking is how do we have strong relationships within which people can raise kids well? Marriage can still play a role here, of course. But there are alternative models, too. With 40% of children being born to unmarried parents, and most of those born to mothers without a college degree, there will need to be.

Because what matters above all is parenting, the way we raise our kids. It is possible to imagine a renewed future for marriage based around egalitarianism between men and women, but a shared commitment to kids. I think that’s for us to create. (That’s an argument I made in my 2014 Atlantic essay, “How to Save Marriage in America.”)

If marriage is to survive, it will be in this new model founded on shared parenting, not as a restoration of the old one based on economic inequality.

(Richard V. Reeves is a Senior Fellow at the Brookings Institution and author of Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do about It (Brookings Institution Press, 2022. Editor’s Note: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or views of the Publication: Courtesy: Brookings Institute)

In 1938, Harvard researchers embarked on a study that continues to this day to find out: What makes us happy in life?

The researchers gathered health records from 724 people from all over the world, asking detailed questions about their lives at two-year intervals.

As participants entered mid- and late-life, the Harvard Study often asked about retirement. Based on their responses, the No. 1 challenge people faced in retirement was not being able to replace the social connections that had sustained them for so long at work.

Retirees don’t miss working, they miss the people

When it comes to retirement, we often stress about things like financial concerns, health problems and caregiving.

But people who fare the best in retirement find ways to cultivate connections. And yet, almost no one talks about the importance of developing new sources of meaning and purpose.

One participant, when asked what he missed about being a doctor for nearly 50 years, answered: “Absolutely nothing about the work itself. I miss the people and the friendships.”

Leo DeMarco, another participant, had a similar feeling: After he retired as a high school teacher, he found it hard to stay in touch with his colleagues.

“I get spiritual sustenance from talking shop. It’s wonderful to help someone acquire skills,” he said. “Teaching young people was what started my whole process of exploring.”

Taking on hobbies might not be enough

For many of us, work is where we feel that we matter most — to our workmates, customers, communities, and even to our families — because we are providing for them.

Henry Keane was abruptly forced into retirement by changes at his factory. Suddenly he had an abundance of time and energy.

He started volunteering at the American Legion and Veterans of Foreign Wars. He put time into his hobbies — refinishing furniture and cross-country skiing. But something was still missing.

“I need to work!” Keane told the researchers at age 65. “Nothing too substantial, but I’m learning that I just love being around people.”

To retire happy, invest in your relationships now

Keane’s realization teaches us an important lesson not only about retirement, but about work itself: We are often shrouded in financial concerns and the pressure of deadlines, so we don’t notice how significant our work relationships are until they’re gone.

To create more meaningful connections, ask yourself:

Who are the people I most enjoy working with, and what makes them valuable to me? Am I appreciating them?

What kinds of connections am I missing that I want more of? How can I make them happen?

Is there someone I’d like to know better? How can I reach out to them?

If I’m having conflict with a coworker, what can I do to alleviate it?

Who is different from me in some way (thinks differently, comes from a different background, has a different expertise)? What can I learn from them?

At the end of the day, notice how your experiences might affect your sense of meaning and purpose. It could be that this influence is, on balance, a good one. But if not, are there any small changes you can make?

“When I look back,” Ellen Freund, a former university administrator, told the study in 2006, “I wish I paid more attention to the people and less to the problems. I loved my job. But I think I was a difficult and impatient boss. I guess, now that you mention it, I wish I got to know everyone a little better.”

Every workday is an important part of our personal experience, and the more we enrich it with relationships, the more we benefit. Work, too, is life.

Robert Waldinger, MD, is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and director of Psychodynamic Therapy at Massachusetts General Hospital. He is a practicing psychiatrist and also a Zen master and author of “The Good Life.” Follow Robert on Twitter @robertwaldinger.

Marc Shulz, PhD, is the associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and a practicing therapist with postdoctoral training in health and clinical psychology at Harvard Medical School. He is also the author of “The Good Life.”

With burnout rates at historic highs, businesses are scrambling to find practical ways to retain staff — or at least so they should be.  As burnout continues to burn businesses, the problem is that the strategies that work best often seem backward. Take for example the strangest Great Resignation strategy, which is also the most effective, or Google’s wildly simple trick to increase productivity, which also decreases burnout.

What we see is that when it comes to keeping staff, oftentimes the most evident methods prove counterproductive. Meanwhile, the seemingly counterintuitive methods can work wonders.

Finding a viable solution is crucial. And not just for businesses looking to stave off the effects of burnout — such as decreased productivity, increased employee turnover, and damage to the overall ethos of a workplace — but for those who feel its sting first-hand along with its laundry list of symptoms, from chronic fatigue to brain fog, lack of focus, and even trouble sleeping.

The standard solution is something we can all get behind — and use more of: vacation time.

After all, time off is a much-welcomed reprieve from work, the stress at the office, and the burden of persistent pressure and endless responsibilities. With vacation time to burn and burnout to battle, many envision a blissful vacation beachside with zero expectations, time at home with nowhere to be, or an awe-inspiring adventure that will magically distract you from any lurking stresses long enough to magically dissipate them into thin air.

While the hope is that a vacation will recharge our proverbial batteries, the reality is that we often come back with even less patience for the things that we have little patience for. Rather than returning refreshed, we return worn out, disconnected, and even more disinterested.

Following a week of doing whatever it is we want to do is a week — and years — of the work that requires us to do what we have to do. In that stark contrast, feelings of discontent may magnify.

According to research recently published by the Harvard Business Review, vacations are not the most effective way to reduce burnout. But that doesn’t mean less time off is the answer.

In fact, more time off is.

What the Harvard researchers found is that employees need an extended period of time off in order to recharge and return to work with a rejuvenated perspective and renewed motivation.

In other words, the solution to burnout is a sabbatical. But the traditional sabbatical as we know it is not the sole antidote for a modern workplace.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

It’s not a common application of the classic quote, and yet when it comes to work, it works.

Especially in the case of a sabbatical. Because even though an extended amount of time off sounds like a dream, the reality is that after a point it gets old.

As humans, we need time for the excitement of our time off to wear off. For our to-do list to diminish. And for boredom to creep in.

For example, if you played your favorite song on repeat, you would eventually want to hear something else. As fun as it would be to eat at your favorite restaurant every day, there would only be so many days until you got tired of it and began to desire something else.

There are only so many movies and shows we want to watch on Netflix. Only so much time our family and friends have to spend with us. Only so much we can do to entertain ourselves during the day before we actually begin to miss work.

That’s right, I said it. After enough time, you might actually miss work, the intrinsically rewarding feeling of being productive, the chase, the colleagues, the clients or customers, and in the case of an unpaid sabbatical, the money.

Burnout recovery doesn’t have to burn business

Vacation time can be enough of a burden on businesses that struggle to carry on in the absence of staff. So the idea of an extended leave can simply seem out of the question. However, as Harvard researchers suggest, sabbatical leave can come in many forms. And it surely doesn’t have to burn your business to help your employees recover from burnout.

For example, while there are both paid and unpaid sabbaticals, there are also working sabbaticals where employees have the opportunity to work remotely — and independently — from anywhere in the world, whether that be their living room or a land far away.

The difference with a working sabbatical is that while remote work has become increasingly commonplace, that doesn’t always mean that staff have the freedom to work from other time zones, or even just work on a schedule that works best for them.

By giving employees the time and space to live more freely and enjoy their lives more fully, employees are not only more satisfied with their role but more grateful for it.

Sabbaticals do more than recharge staff — they elicit gratitude

It’s within this time away that we begin to regain (or simply gain) an appreciation for the jobs we have, the people we work with, and what our role affords us — mentally or financially.

In other words, what a sabbatical affords us is the ability to appreciate what we have and what our positions afford us in life.

It gives us perspective, and with that, it helps us reconnect to our why. The reality is that most aren’t necessarily in love with the work that they do. But when they can see that it gives them the things they want in life — whether that’s the money to live in a home they love, the flexibility to be a present parent, or the space to enjoy life outside of work — they realize why they do what they do because they see what they do it for.

Employers have a tendency to fear that employees won’t return after a sabbatical. But when employees are given the opportunity to take an extended leave, research shows that they tend to stay. Because most would hold onto an employer that provides them with the freedom to go — and come back.

Conn. (WTNH) — When choosing where you should live, happiness should certainly play a role. So, where do people find themselves most happy?

All 50 states were analyzed on a Happiness Index Score in a new study, conducted by the CBD experts at Joy Organics.

Each state was scored based on ten factors relating to well-being and happiness: suicide rates, average hourly wage, severity of depression and anxiety, unemployment rates, number of primary care and mental health providers, adverse childhood experiences, neighborhood amenities, and percentage of sleep-deprived residents.

Connecticut took the No. 3 spot with a happiness score of 83.9%. It had the third lowest mean severity score for anxiety across the country, and just 12% of its residents reported having an adverse childhood experience like witnessing domestic violence or death of a parent.

Massachusetts was ranked as the happiest state in the U.S., scoring 94.5 out of 100 with the highest number of mental health providers, the highest number of primary care providers, and the highest average hourly wage of any state at $28.14. Additionally, Massachusetts had the third lowest suicide rate.

New Jersey ranked well with the lowest suicide rate of any state, while Nebraska had the lowest levels of anxiety and depression. A spokesperson for Joy Organics noted that there are “lots of ideas as to what constitutes happiness for different people.”

“Mental wellbeing, support and suicide rates were weighted more heavily in the ranking, accounting for a larger proportion of each state’s overall score, as these were deemed to be the most important factors,” the spokesperson said. “Of course, there is much more that determines happiness than these specific factors alone, but they can help to build a picture of each state’s overall wellbeing levels.”

Additionally, mental health concerns are also underreported in more states than others due to a level of stigma, the spokesperson said, noting that some states may appear happier than they actually are.

Research shows that in some cases, money does lead to happiness. In fact, a 2021 University of Pennsylvania study found a correlation between happiness and income growth, even past an annual income of $80,000. This is in contrast to previous research that found happiness stagnated after an individual earned $75,000. However, not all places can offer the same level of happiness, as some cities offer more economic opportunities and a better quality of life than others.

To uncover the happiest places in America, we analyzed the 200 largest cities, 164 of which had available data. We looked at 13 different metrics across three categories: personal finance, well-being and quality of life. For details on our data sources and how we put all the information together to create our final rankings, read the Data and Methodology section below.

Key Findings

California cities dominate the top 10. While cities like Sunnyvale and Fremont offer the No. 1 and No. 3 highest earnings for individuals, these Western cities score highest in the quality of life category. Specifically, top 10 California cities had lower percentages of people living in poverty, higher marriage rates and lower violent crime rates.

Birmingham is the least happy city. This Alabama city ranks in the bottom five across metrics such as personal bankruptcy filings per capita, life expectancy and the percentage of residents living in poverty. Newark, New Jersey and Memphis, Tennessee follow as the second- and third-least happy cities.

Top 10 cities have high marriage rates. Residents who’ve said “I do” make up the majority of the population in all but one city: Arlington, Virginia, where the marriage rate is 44.0%. Frisco, Texas, which ranks No. 5 overall, has the highest marriage rate study-wide (62.6%).

1. Sunnyvale, CA

Well-being and quality of life is where Sunnyvale, California ranks best. The city has the highest percentage of individuals earning $100,000 or more (62.5%), the third-lowest percentage of adults living below the poverty-level (roughly 5%) and the fifth-highest marriage rate (56.8%). Violent crime in the area is also low (No. 9) with roughly 149 violent crimes per 100,000 residents.

2. Arlington, VA

While Arlington, Virginia ranks in the top seven across all three categories measured (personal finances, well-being and quality of life), the city ranks highest in the former. Specifically, roughly 48% of Arlington’s residents earn $100,000 or more (No. 5). Additionally, living costs make up less than 35% of the median household income (No. 6). The county in which Arlington is located also has the lowest amount of personal bankruptcy filings.

3. Bellevue, WA

Bellevue, Washington scores highest in the quality of life category but also does well for resident personal finances. Specifically, roughly 61% of Bellevue’s residents earn $100,000 or more (No. 2) and less than 8% of the population lives below the poverty line (No. 8). Additionally, cost of living as a percent of income is the lowest across the study (28.69%).

4. Fremont, CA

Fremont, California ranks No. 3 for both its high percentage of individuals earning $100,000 or more (55.4%) and its low living costs relative to income (32.17%). The city also ranks No. 2 for both the percentage of adults who live below the poverty-level (4.9%) and its marriage rate (61.6%).

5. Frisco, TX

Frisco, Texas takes both the No. 1 spots for the marriage rate (62.6%) and the percentage of residents living below the poverty-level (2.5%). Additionally, the city ranks No. 2 for its typical living costs compared to the median household income (29.55%) and its violent crime rate (roughly 86 crimes per 100,000 residents).

6. Plano, TX

Plano, Texas ranks the top 20 across six metrics, most notably: the city has the fourth-highest marriage rate (56.9%) and the 10th-lowest violent crime rate (roughly 155 for every 100,000 residents). Just over a third of the Plano population earns $100,000 or more and typical cost of living expenses make up 40.43% of the median household income in the city.

7. Roseville, CA

Living costs in Roseville, California are the fifth-lowest across the study making up about a third of the median household income annually. Just over 38% of the city’s population earn $100,000 or more (13th-highest) and less than 6% live below the poverty-level (fourth-lowest). The county in which Roseville is located also has the 15th-lowest number of personal bankruptcy filings study-wide.

8. San Jose, CA

Roughly 43% of San Jose, California residents earn $100,000 or more (10th-highest) and less than 7.4% live in poverty (eighth-lowest). Additionally, Santa Clara County – where San Jose is located – takes the No. 2 spot for both the percentage of residents reporting poor mental health days (10%) and life expectancy (84.7 years).

9. Santa Clarita, CA

Santa Clarita, California ranks best in the quality of life category, taking the No. 8 spot. Specifically, less than 7% of the city’s population live in poverty (sixth-lowest) and roughly 53% of residents are married (10th-highest). The area is also pretty safe, with the seventh-lowest violent crime rate study-wide (roughly 131 crimes per 100,000 residents).

10. Irvine, CA

Irvine, California ranks in the top 10 for both the percentage of individuals earning $100,000 or more (nearly 46%) and living costs as a percent of income (roughly 38%). Irvine also has the No. 1 lowest violent crime rate study-wide (51 crimes for every 100,000 residents). Additionally, the county in which Irvine is located is also No. 10 for both the percentage of residents reporting poor mental health days (11.3) and life expectancy (82.8 years).

More than 60 percent of young men are single, nearly twice the rate of unattached young women, signaling a larger breakdown in the social, romantic and sexual life of the American male.

Men in their 20s are more likely than women in their 20s to be romantically uninvolved, sexually dormant, friendless and lonely. They stand at the vanguard of an epidemic of declining marriage, sexuality and relationships that afflicts all of young America.

“We’re in a crisis of connection,” said Niobe Way, a psychology professor and founder of the Project for the Advancement of Our Common Humanity at New York University. “Disconnection from ourselves and disconnection from each other. And it’s getting worse.”

In the worst-case scenario, the young American man’s social disconnect can have tragic consequences. Young men commit suicide at four times the rate of young women. Younger men are largely responsible for rising rates of mass shootings, a trend some researchers link to their growing social isolation.

Societal changes that began in the Eisenhower years have eroded the patriarchy that once ruled the American home, classroom and workplace. Women now collect nearly 60 percent of bachelor’s degrees. Men still earn more, but among the youngest adults, the income gap has narrowed to $43 a week.

Scholars say the new era of gender parity has reshaped relationship dynamics, empowering young women and, in many cases, removing young men from the equation.

“Women don’t need to be in long-term relationships. They don’t need to be married. They’d rather go to brunch with friends than have a horrible date,” said Greg Matos, a couple and family psychologist in Los Angeles, who recently penned a viral article titled “What’s Behind the Rise of Lonely, Single Men.”

Recent years have seen a historic rise in “unpartnered” Americans, particularly among the young. The pandemic made things worse.

As of 2022, Pew Research Center found, 30 percent of U.S. adults are neither married, living with a partner nor engaged in a committed relationship. Nearly half of all young adults are single: 34 percent of women, and a whopping 63 percent of men.

Not surprisingly, the decline in relationships marches astride with a decline in sex. The share of sexually active Americans stands at a 30-year low. Around 30 percent of young men reported in 2019 that they had no sex in the past year, compared to about 20 percent of young women.

Only half of single men are actively seeking relationships or even casual dates, according to Pew. That figure is declining.

“You have to think that the pandemic had an impact on some of those numbers,” said Fred Rabinowitz, a psychologist and professor at the University of Redlands who studies masculinity.

Young men “are watching a lot of social media, they’re watching a lot of porn, and I think they’re getting a lot of their needs met without having to go out. And I think that’s starting to be a habit.”

Even seasoned researchers struggle to fully account for the relationship gap between young women and men: If single young men outnumber single young women nearly two to one, then who are all the young women dating?

Some of them are dating each other. One-fifth of Generation Z identifies as queer, and research suggests bisexual women make up a large share of the young-adult queer community.

Young women are also dating and marrying slightly older men, carrying on a tradition that stretches back more than a century. The average age at first marriage is around 30 for men, 28 for women, according to census figures.

Heterosexual women are getting more choosy. Women “don’t want to marry down,” to form a long-term relationship to a man with less education and earnings than herself, said Ronald Levant, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Akron and author of several books on masculinity.

In previous generations, young women entered adulthood in a society that expected them to find a financially stable man who would support them through decades of marriage and motherhood. Over the 1950s and 1960s, that pattern gradually broke down, and today it is all but gone.

Women are tiring of their stereotypical role as full-time therapist for emotionally distant men. They want a partner who is emotionally open and empathetic, the opposite of the age-old masculine ideal.

“Today in America, women expect more from men,” Levant said, “and unfortunately, so many men don’t have more to give.”

The same emotional deficits that hurt men in the dating pool also hamper them in forming meaningful friendships. Fifteen percent of men report having no close friendships, a fivefold increase from 1990, according to research by the Survey Center on American Life.

“Men are less naturally relational than women,” said Richard Reeves, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution whose new book, “Of Boys and Men,” has drawn wide praise.

Reeves points to a recent Saturday Night Live sketch that reimagined the neighborhood dog park as a “man park,” poking fun at “this reliance of men on women to do the emotional lifting for them.”

Social circles have been shrinking for men and women, especially since the pandemic, but men struggle more. Thirty years ago, 55 percent of men reported having six or more close friends. By 2021, that share had slipped to 27 percent.

“Women form friendships with each other that are emotionally intimate, whereas men do not,” Levant said. Young women “may not be dating, but they have girlfriends they spend time with and gain emotional support from.”

Aaron Karo and Matt Ritter, both in their early 40s, study the male “friendship recession” in their “Man of the Year” podcast. It arose out of an annual tradition of gathering at a steakhouse with several male friends, all close since elementary school.

“Guys are taught to prioritize career,” Karo said. “Also romantic relationships, although it doesn’t seem like they’re doing a very good job at that. Making friends and keeping friends seems to be a lower priority. And once guys get older, they suddenly realize they have no friends.”

The podcasters and their friends created the annual gathering as a way to keep their friendship alive. It spawned a year-round group chat and a “Man of the Year” trophy, awarded to the most deserving friend at the annual dinner.  “We treat friendship as a luxury, especially men,” Ritter said. “It’s a necessity.”

(AP) — Work less, get more. A trial of a four-day workweek in Britain, billed as the world’s largest, has found that an overwhelming majority of the 61 companies that participated from June to December will keep going with the shorter hours and that most employees were less stressed and had better work-life balance.

That was all while companies reported revenue largely stayed the same during the trial period last year and even grew compared with the same six months a year earlier, according to findings released this week.

“We feel really encouraged by the results, which showed the many ways companies were turning the four-day week from a dream into a realistic policy, with multiple benefits,” said David Frayne, research associate at University of Cambridge, who helped lead the team conducting employee interviews for the trial. “We think there is a lot here that ought to motivate other companies and industries to give it a try.”

The university’s team worked with researchers from Boston College; Autonomy, a research organization focused on the future of work; and the 4 Day Week Global nonprofit community to see how the companies from industries spanning marketing to finance to nonprofits and their 2,900 workers would respond to reduced work hours while pay stayed the same.

Not surprisingly, employees reported benefits, with 71% less burned out, 39% less stressed and 48% more satisfied with their job than before the trial.

Of the workers, 60% said it was easier to balance work and responsibilities at home, while 73% reported increased satisfaction with their lives. Fatigue was down, people were sleeping more and mental health improved, the findings show.

That’s just what Platten’s fish and chips restaurant in the English seaside town of Wells-Next-The Sea has found, especially in the hospitality industry where people often work seven days a week.

“Everyone is focused, everyone knows what they’re doing, everyone is refreshed,” said Kirsty Wainwright, general manager of the restaurant about a three-hour drive northeast of London. “What it means is that they are coming into work with a better frame of mind and passing that on to obviously the clients and the public that are coming here for their meals. They’re getting a greater service because the team are more engaged.”

Starting the trial going into the busy season in June, Platten’s, which is open seven days a week, found the biggest hurdle was finding a model that worked for everyone, Wainwright said.

They constantly communicated with employees to find what worked best, which was having the staff split into two groups, allowing one group to work two days on, and other to have two days off, she said.

The concept lets people work, have a day to do chores like cleaning the house and “then have two days off, seeing your friends, seeing your family, doing some stuff yourself,” Wainwright said. “And that’s what this is all about — is actually just working to live and not living to work.”

For companies that rolled out the shorter work hours — whether it was one less workday a week or longer hours in parts of the year and shorter hours the rest of the time to make an average 32-hour week — revenue wasn’t affected, the findings say.

Revenue grew 1.4% over the course of the trial for 23 companies that provided adequate data — weighted for the size of the business — while a separate 24 companies saw revenue climb more than 34% from the same six-month period a year earlier.

For Platten’s, “I don’t think we were really measuring it in terms of profitability,” Wainwright said. “That’s not really it for us. We wanted to measure it in productivity. And actually, the productivity has gone through the roof.”

For all those who participated in the trial, there was a drop in the likelihood of employees quitting, down 57% compared with the same period a year earlier, as well as those calling out sick, down 65% from a year ago, according to the findings.

Of the companies, 92% reported they would continue with the four-day workweek, with 30% saying it’s a permanent change. That includes Platten’s, which said it’s sticking with the model permanently.

Charlotte Lockhart, co-founder and managing director of 4 Day Week Global, said “resounding success” of the U.K. pilot program mirrors earlier efforts in Ireland and the U.S.

There are, of course, industries that can’t institute shorter hours because they need workers round the clock, such as nurses and first responders. Those workers and others have been walking off the job in the U.K. in recent months demanding better working conditions and pay that keeps pace with the high cost of living.

The pandemic changed the way the world works, with people seeking greater flexibility to improve work-life balance.

For the past 50 years, we’ve been putting love under the microscope. As psychologists, we’ve studied more than 40,000 partners about to begin couples therapy. We’ve also been happily married to each other for 35 years, so we know a thing or two about successful relationships.

While every partnership is unique, with its own set of challenges, there’s one thing that all couples have in common: We want to be appreciated. To be acknowledged for our efforts. We want to be seen.

The No. 1 phrase in successful relationships: ‘Thank you’

A thriving relationship requires an enthusiastic culture of appreciation, where we’re as good at noticing the things our partners are doing right as we are at noticing what they’re doing wrong.

But it’s easy to fall into the trap of only seeing what your partner is not doing. You develop a narrative where you’re the one putting in all the effort, and you start to believe it’s true.

Getting rid of this toxic mindset requires building a new one: scanning for the positives and saying “thank you.”

How to get into the appreciation mindset

You probably say “thank you” all day long, almost without thinking, to your colleagues, to the bagger at the supermarket, or to the stranger who holds the door for you.

But in our most intimate relationships, we can forget how important saying “thank you” really is.

For many of the couples we’ve worked with, we found that when one person started the cycle of appreciation, it became easy for the other to join in and strengthen it.

Here’s your assignment for today:

Step 1: Be an anthropologist.

Keep a close eye on your partner, whenever you can. Follow them around. Write down what they do, especially the positive stuff! Don’t write down the negatives, such as ignoring a pile of papers you asked them to pick up.

Note that they washed the breakfast dishes, fielded phone calls, picked up the toys strewn all over the living room, and made you coffee when they went to make one for themselves.

You don’t have to hide the fact that you’re spying. You can tell your partner you’re observing them to get a better sense of their day, and everything they do.

Their behavior isn’t going to change much just by knowing you’re watching.

Step 2: Say “thank you.”

Thank them for something routine that they’re doing right, even if it’s small, even if they do it every day — in fact, especially if it’s small and they do it every day!

But don’t just say “Hey, thanks.” Tell them why that small thing is a big deal to you: “Thank you for making the coffee every morning. I love waking up to the smell of it and the sounds of you in the kitchen. It just makes me start the day off right.”

Troubleshooting

Don’t expect this to be easy. You may run into some challenges. Here’s our best advice:

If you’re crunched for time…

Make a quick list of everything you each do, then pick a couple of things to flip-flop on. If you’re always the one who gets the kids off to school, have your partner do it today instead. If your partner is always the one to make dinner, you do it tonight.

See what it feels like to put yourself in each other’s shoes.

If you’re having trouble getting out of the negative perspective…

Try to separate the negative feelings about what happened in the past. Focus on the here and now, this specific moment, this specific person. What can you tangibly observe?

Ask yourself: “Have I had these negative feelings before this relationship ever began? Who with? What set off those feelings?”

Identifying, naming and sourcing these types of negative thoughts and feelings can help you let them go.

If it feels like you’re seeing the positives, but your partner is not…

Remember, you’re trying to change your own mental habits. You’re not changing your partner.

Ultimately, how they think and feel is not within your control. But changing your own way of looking at the world is powerful. You’re disrupting the cycle of negativity and refusing to give it any fuel to continue. And that alone can make a significant difference.

(Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman are the co-founders of The Gottman Institute and Love Lab. Married for over 35 years, the two psychologists are world-renowned for their work on relationship stability and divorce prediction. They are also the co-authors of “The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy” and “10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy.” Follow them on Instagram and Twitter.)

(https://www.cnbc.com/2023/01/20/the-no-1-phrase-that-makes-relationships-successful-according-to-psychologists-who-studied-40000-couples.html)

What makes you genuinely happy? There could be a wide range of answers ranging from closing a big sale or investment, reaching a mountain summit after an arduous hike, or eating a perfect ice cream cone on a hot summer day. But according to what may be the longest-running scientific study of happiness, the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has been going on for 85 years, the biggest determinant of genuine. long-term happiness isn’t wealth, or accomplishment, or even pleasure. It’s the relationships we form with the people in our lives, in our workplaces, and in our communities that bring us the greatest happiness in the long run.

With that in mind, the New York Times worked with the leader of the Harvard study to create a 7-Day Happiness Challenge as a way to start the new year. The whole challenge is well worth doing. These are the four steps that resonated most with me, and you can do any of them in about 10 minutes, any time of the day.

1. Plan an 8-minute phone call with a friend.

The Times’ wellness columnist, Jancee Dunn, tried this with a friend of hers and was surprised at how powerfully it lifted her mood. The eight-minute phone call plan solves two ongoing problems with conversations. The first is that most of us “tend to think that in some unspecified future, we’ll have a ‘time surplus,’ where we’ll be able to connect with old friends,” according to Bob Waldinger, the psychiatrist leading the Harvard study who worked with the Times on these challenges. But chances are that “someday” when we think we’ll have lots of time for our friends will never come. So we need to make time right now or risk drifting away from our friendships.

The second is that, as Harvard research has shown, most conversations go on too long–often longer than either party would prefer. So set an eight-minute limit ahead of time–what Dunn calls a “hard out,” guarantees that this won’t happen. It also makes it easy for even a very busy friend to say yes to the call. For instance, Dunn’s friend spent eight minutes talking with her while traveling to the dry cleaner’s.

What surprised Dunn was how much she and her friend were able to talk about in eight minutes. “We talked about our mothers’ health, made birthday plans, gossiped about a friend who abruptly quit his job and moved to a tiny Mexican town, traded book recommendations, and explored the possibility of an afterlife,” she wrote. Perhaps because they had both committed to a tight time limit, they were quick to get the important stuff.

Dunn wrote, “I had missed her, and didn’t realize it until I heard her voice.” This is an important factor, researchers say. Hearing someone’s voice is a more powerful way to connect than texting with them or chatting over social media. So make that eight-minute phone call today, if you can.

2. Start a conversation with a stranger.

Research has shown that starting a conversation with a stranger increases our happiness, even when we don’t expect that it will. Given that humans are profoundly social creatures and that we all thrive on connection, that shouldn’t really be as surprising as it is. Dunn put this advice to use herself when she asked a neighbor whose dog always barked at her if there was anything she could do to make friends with him. There was, and it was surprisingly simple–all she had to do was take off her hat, because hats upset this particular dog for some reason.

In my own case, a few years back, I struck up a conversation with Shelmina Babai Abji at a cocktail party and we soon became friends and supporters of each others’ careers. At the time we both had book projects we hoped to sell and in some odd twist, both our books came out on the same day. I’m proud to have her endorsement on my book, Career Self-Care.

3. Get to know someone at work.

Work friends are incredibly important–particularly in the high pressure and long hours that go with starting a business. Yet, experts say, we don’t always recognize the value of these relationships. So choose someone at work you would like to get to know better. This could be an acquaintance who you’d like to turn into a friend, or someone you don’t know at all but would like to get to know.

For someone you don’t yet know, find a bit of common ground. These conversation starters can help. If you like, pay attention to things they may have mentioned in public, perhaps that they are about to give an important presentation or will be attending a family member’s wedding. If you follow up afterward and ask how it went, they’ll be impressed and pleased that you were paying attention and remembered what was going on with them. You’ll have turned that person from a stranger into an acquaintance.

To go from acquaintance to friend, invite them to do something simple that takes only a few minutes, like walk with you to the corner deli to pick up lunch. Or, use the Ben Franklin
effect, and ask them to do you a small and easy favor, a counterintuitive but powerful way to get someone to like you. With most people, this approach will help start you on your way toward being a work friend. If it doesn’t work with this particular person, don’t dwell on it. Just pick someone else and try again.

4. Send someone a thank you message.

Research shows that this simple gesture creates immediate happiness benefits both for the person doing the thanking and the person receiving the thanks. So, even though it’s not the easiest of these steps, it may be the most important. Take a few minutes to write a note to a friend, a loved one, a family member, or even someone who’s helped you in your career. It can be someone you see all the time, or someone you haven’t spoken to in years.

Imagine that this is the last message you’ll be able to send this person, and write down what you’re grateful for. You don’t need to put a huge amount of thought into this–you can do it in less than 10 minutes, as promised. Now here’s the hard part: Send the message. Whether by email or social media, or snail mail, send it. Don’t worry if the person at the other end hasn’t heard from you for a long time. People are always happy to get a thank you note, even if it’s from someone they haven’t thought about in a long time. Getting it will make them happy, and sending it will make you happy.

If you can, try one of these 10-minute challenges every day next week. Altogether, they will ]take only about an hour of your time. At the end of the week, ask yourself if these small steps made you feel better than you would have without them. If the answer is yes, should you make them part of your routine every week? (https://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/4-simple-ways-to-make-yourself-really-happy-in-10-minutes-or-less-backed-by-harvard-research.html)

The secret to happiness lies in being grateful. Follow these expert tips to learn how to practice gratitude every day.

Grateful people are happy people. This was one of the top findings of the Harvard Adult Development Study, the longest-running study on happiness and health in the world, spanning 100 years and two generations of Americans. What’s more, grateful people live longer and are healthier overall. This means that learning how to practice gratitude is one of the best things you can do for yourself, says the current director of the study, psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, MD.

Why? The answer is pretty simple: Being grateful focuses your attention on what you have, rather than what you don’t, and reminds you about all that is good in your life. It also has another, less-obvious benefit, according to Dr. Waldinger, who co-authored The Good Life, a book that divulges the secrets to happiness, based on the Harvard study. “Gratitude is one of the best tools we have for strengthening relationships, and our relationships with others are the strongest factor in determining happiness,” he explains, adding that being grateful is one of the simplest and easiest things you can do to increase your happiness—and the effect is almost instantaneous.

So if you want to know how to be happy, learn how to practice gratitude in your life every day. This can include doing gratitude meditations (one of Dr. Waldinger’s favorites!), writing thank-you notes, gratitude journaling in a gratitude journal and reading gratitude quotes. Keep reading for even more tips for practicing gratitude and becoming a happier you.

What is gratitude?

Before you learn how to practice gratitude, be sure you understand the concept. So, what does gratitude mean, exactly?

Gratitude is the positive feeling of being thankful for someone or something. But in practice, it’s so much more than that, says Canadian psychologist Haley Perlus, PhD.

“Gratitude is a productive emotional training tool. When you are grateful for your life, you can experience the positive and pleasant feelings associated with happiness, peace, passion, excitement and love. These pleasant emotions can then be a catalyst for positive changes in your life,” she explains. “Gratitude is also the opposite of our negative inner voice. It disrupts negative patterns and creates an opportunity to focus on all the good in one’s past, present and future.”

Why is gratitude important?

Science has proven over and over again that gratitude provides powerful physical and mental health benefits, says Dr. Waldinger. Being grateful can help prevent disease, and being thankful can even help you live longer.

Some of gratitude’s greatest benefits include:

Lower risk of heart disease, diabetes, some cancers and other lifestyle diseases

Stronger immune system

Sharper memory and less mental decline with aging

Higher-quality sleep and less insomnia

Reduced perception of chronic pain

Less inflammation in the body

Better mood and less incidence of depression and anxiety

Higher self-confidence and fewer feelings of anger, jealousy and envy

Greater ability to forgive yourself and others

Better ability to prioritize and manage time

7 ways to practice gratitude

Being grateful is a learned skill—and one you can get better at with practice, even if it doesn’t come naturally to you at first, says Perlus. Ready to practice gratitude in your everyday life? Try the simple, expert-approved tips below.

1. Say what you’re grateful for out loud

Vocalizing what you’re grateful for can be more impactful than simply thinking it, says Perlus. Hearing yourself say it aloud helps cement it in your memory, and articulating it helps you identify what aspect of the experience you are grateful for.

How to practice gratitude: Use Voice Memos or another app to dictate what you’re grateful for (and save the recordings so you can go back and listen when you need a little moment of joy). Or encourage the family to share something they’re grateful for each evening at dinner.

2. Write down what you’re grateful for

Putting your thoughts on paper, whether that’s in a gratitude journal or a thank-you note, is a powerful way to connect your mind and your body, reinforcing the positive feelings.

How to practice gratitude: Keep a notebook in your purse or desk to jot down things you’re grateful for as they happen. Or try gratitude journaling: Write three things you’re grateful for every day in a journal you keep by your bed.

3. Share your gratitude with others

Sharing your gratitude has an immense effect on both you and others, triggering a cascade of happy thoughts and feelings while also strengthening your bond. Even people who said thank-you to a stranger reported a strong feeling of happiness, adds Dr. Waldinger.

How to practice gratitude: Make a conscious effort every single day to tell someone how grateful you are for them. Call a parent, write a thank-you note to an old teacher, give a friend a thank-you gift or simply thank the cashier at the grocery store.

4. Meditate on gratitude

People often make the mistake of assuming feelings control the mind—that how we feel determines what we think about. In reality, your mind dictates what you feel, says Dr. Waldinger. So focusing your mind on gratitude by doing a daily meditation is one of the best ways to feel more grateful in your life.

How to practice gratitude: Simply put, thinking grateful thoughts helps you see more things to be grateful for in your life. Clear your mind. Then take one to five minutes each morning to do a guided meditation on gratitude or to meditate on things or people you’re grateful for. A happiness meditation will help you be happier at home, at work and anywhere else you spend your day.

5. Plan to be grateful in advance

Gratitude doesn’t just occur in hindsight. Go ahead and plan your gratefulness ahead of time. And don’t wait to spontaneously “feel grateful.” Identify areas in your life in which you feel unhappy and then list ways to feel grateful in those situations.

How to practice gratitude: Write out a list of specific things to be grateful for and carry it with you, or set an alarm on your phone to remind you to look for moments of gratitude. Not sure where to start your planned gratitude journey? Sign up to do something nice for someone else—feeling grateful is just one of the benefits of volunteering.

6. Challenge yourself to be grateful in difficult circumstances

Life isn’t about what happens to you but how you handle it, and grateful people are more resilient when handling trying times, says Dr. Waldinger. There is no situation, no matter how difficult, in which you can’t find something to be grateful for—and practicing gratitude can go a long way toward improving the way you deal with hard things.

How to practice gratitude: Look back through old journals or photo albums of hard times in your life and make notes about what helped you get through them and what you were grateful for. Use that information to help you find the silver linings in current troubles.

7. Get inspired by others’ gratitude

Being grateful is a skill, and you can learn how to do it by seeing how others practice gratitude in their lives. Pay attention to the way friends, family members, colleagues and acquaintances show gratitude throughout the day—or ask them about their gratitude process. (https://www.rd.com/article/how-to-practice-gratitude/)

An 85-year-long study reveals the secret to long-term happiness. Should you try it? What makes you genuinely happy? There could be a wide range of answers ranging from closing a big sale or investment, reaching a mountain summit after an arduous hike, or eating a perfect ice cream cone on a hot summer day. But according to what may be the longest-running scientific study of happiness, the Harvard Study of Adult Development which has been going on for 85 years, the biggest determinant of genuine. long-term happiness isn’t wealth, or accomplishment, or even pleasure. It’s the relationships we form with the people in our lives, in our workplaces, and in our communities that bring us the greatest happiness in the long run.

With that in mind, the New York Times worked with the leader of the Harvard study to create a 7-Day Happiness Challenge as a way to start of the new year. The whole challenge is well worth doing. These are the four steps that resonated most with me, and you can do any of them in about 10 minutes any time of the day.

1. Plan an 8-minute phone call with a friend.

The Times’ wellness columnist Jancee Dunn tried this with a friend of hers and was surprised at how powerfully it lifted her mood. The eight-minute phone call plan solves two ongoing problems with conversations. The first is that most of us “tend to think that in some unspecified future, we’ll have a ‘time surplus,’ where we’ll be able to connect with old friends,” according to Bob Waldinger, the psychiatrist leading the Harvard study who worked with the Times on these challenges. But chances are that “someday” when we think we’ll have lots of time for our friends will never come. So we need to make time right now or risk drifting away from our friendships.

The second is that, as Harvard research has shown, most conversations go on too long–often longer than either party would prefer. So to set an eight-minute limit ahead of time–what Dunn calls a “hard out,” guarantees that this won’t happen. It also makes it easy for even a very busy friend to say yes to the call. For instance, Dunn’s friend spent eight minutes talking with her while traveling to the dry cleaner’s.

What surprised Dunn was how much she and her friend were able to talk about in eight minutes. “We talked about our mothers’ health, made birthday plans, gossiped about a friend who abruptly quit his job and moved to a tiny Mexican town, traded book recommendations and explored the possibility of an afterlife,” she wrote. Perhaps because they had both committed to a tight time limit, they were quick to get the important stuff.

Dunn wrote, “I had missed her, and didn’t realize it until I heard her voice.” This is an important factor, researchers say. Hearing someone’s voice is a more powerful way to connect than texting with them or chatting over social media. So make that eight-minute phone call today, if you can.

2. Start a conversation with a stranger.

Research has shown that starting a conversation with a stranger increases our happiness, even when we don’t expect that it will. Given that humans are profoundly social creatures and that we all thrive on connection, that shouldn’t really be as surprising as it is. Dunn put this advice to use herself when she asked a neighbor whose dog always barked at her if there was anything she could do to make friends with him. There was, and it was surprisingly simple–all she had to do was take off her hat, because hats upset this particular dog for some reason.

In my own case, a few years back, I struck up a conversation with Shelmina Babai Abji at a cocktail party and we soon became friends and supporters of each others’ careers. At the time we both had book projects we hoped to sell and in some odd twist, both our books came out on the same day. I’m proud to have her endorsement on my book Career Self-Care.

3. Get to know someone at work.

Work friends are incredibly important–particularly in the high pressure and long hours that go with starting a business. Yet, experts say, we don’t always recognize the value of these relationships. So choose someone at work you would like to get to know better. This could be an acquaintance who you’d like to turn into a friend, or someone you don’t know at all but would like to get to know.

For someone you don’t yet know, find a bit of common ground. These conversation starters can help. If you like, pay attention to things they may have mentioned in public, perhaps that they are about to give an important presentation or will be attending a family member’s wedding. If you follow up afterward and ask how it went, they’ll be impressed and pleased that you were paying attention and remembered what was going on with them. You’ll have turned that person from a stranger into an acquaintance.

To go from acquaintance to friend, invite them to do something simple that only takes a few minutes, like walk with you to the corner deli to pick up lunch. Or, use the Ben Franklin Effect, and ask them to do you a small and easy favor, a counterintuitive but powerful way to get someone to like you. With most people, this approach will help start you on your way toward being a work friend. If it doesn’t work with this particular person, don’t dwell on it. Just pick someone else and try again.

4. Send someone a thank you message.

Research shows that this simple gesture creates immediate happiness benefits both for the person doing the thanking and the person receiving the thanks. So, even though it’s not the easiest of these steps, it may be the most important. Take a few minutes to write a note to a friend, a loved one, a family member, or even someone who’s helped you in your career. It can be someone you see all the time, or someone you haven’t spoken to in years.

Imagine that this is the last message you’ll be able to send this person, and write down what you’re grateful for. You don’t need to put a huge amount of thought into this–you can do it in less than 10 minutes, as promised. Now here’s the hard part: Send the message. Whether by email or social media, or snail mail, but send it. Don’t worry if the person at the other end hasn’t heard from you for a long time. People are always happy to get a thank you note, even if it’s from someone they haven’t thought about in a long time. Getting it will make them happy, and sending it will make you happy.

If you can, try one of these ten-minute challenges every day next week. All together, they will only take about an hour of your time. At the end of the week, ask yourself if these small steps made you feel better than you would have without them. If the answer is yes, should you make them part of your routine every week? (https://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/4-simple-ways-to-make-yourself-really-happy-in-10-minutes-or-less-backed-by-harvard-research.html)

What we call differently-abled people are people with different abilities, which cannot be denied.

“The annual observance of the International Day of Disabled Persons was proclaimed in 1992 by the United Nations General Assembly resolution 47/3. The Day observance aims to promote an understanding of disability issues and mobilize support for the dignity, rights, and well-being of persons with disabilities. It also seeks to increase awareness of gains derived from integrating persons with disabilities in every aspect of political, social, economic, and cultural life. 

The main program of the observance of the International Day of Persons with Disabilities at the UN Headquarters in New York will include the Opening, panel discussions, and cultural events. Member States, civil society organizations, and the private sector are welcome to organize their events to celebrate International Day to raise awareness and promote the rights and perspectives of persons with disabilities worldwide”. (UN Department if Economic and Social Affairs)

Many disabled persons endorse that the biggest inspiration in their success, is Lipin Raj, who got into the civil service despite his visual impairment. The author as a disabled person, turned himself as an inspiration to many, but never compromises his attempts with a sense of inability!

Many people around us put aside the handicaps of life and put success into their own hands. Alix Louise Savage is an Australian Paralympic wheelchair racer and leading coach. Sauvage is considered Australia’s most famous disabled sportswoman. He won nine golds and four silvers in four Paralympic Games and eleven golds and two silvers in three IPC Athletics World Championships. And has won four Boston Marathons. He also achieved world records in 1500m, 5000m, 4x100m, and 4x400m relays. 

She was the Australian Female Athlete of the Year in 1999 and the International Female Wheelchair Athlete of the Year in 1999 and 2000. In 2002, her autobiography Louise Sauvage “My Story” was published. Many world-renowned people have come forward with the message that disability is not a barrier to success in life. Beethoven, a world-renowned pianist, born in Germany, was hard of hearing. American writer Helen Keller was visually challenged. 

Stephen Hawking, Steve Jobs, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and others are also great people who have overcome crises. Indian woman Arunima Sinha overcame physical challenges to become one of the world’s best mountaineers. They have conquered many peaks in the world, including Mount Everest. Ira Singhal, who topped the civil service examination in 2014, and Shekhar Naik, who led the Indian blind cricket team to victory in the Twenty20 match in 2012, have also fought tirelessly in the face of adversity. 

December is International Day of Persons with Disabilities. The United Nations decided to celebrate this day to end the inequality and discrimination faced by people with disabilities in social life. 

In 1975, the United Nations made the Declaration on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities. Later 1982 was celebrated as the year of the differently abled. Then the period from 1983-92 was also observed as a Decade of Persons with Disabilities. Finally, in 1992, it was decided to celebrate December 3rd every year as Diversity Day 

A sign of cultural superiority is the vision to embrace more diversity. When one imagines primitive man struggling for basic survival, such as food, shelter, and security, artistic growth may seem like a spectacle. But in modern times, when we communicate as a global village, cultural promotion becomes an integral part of social life. 

A diversity perspective is also an approach that goes beyond dichotomies such as black-white and male-female. It is essential to include people with disabilities in this holistic approach. According to the World Health Organization, around 100 million people worldwide have some form of disability. It is also basic etiquette to share the joy of the cultural world that humanity has built. 

The United Nations promotes enabling inclusive development by ensuring the participation of the differently abled in the mainstream of society. To this end, the United Nations takes the initiative and intervenes to bring about changes in legislation and policy approaches at the national level. The World Health Organization, a part of the UN, also plays an essential role in coordinating Disability Day celebrations. 

The celebration of this day also reminds the world every year of the importance of protecting the rights of persons with disabilities, they too have equal rights to live.

A recent study has shown that stress can harm sexual performance and sperm health, leading to infertility. The study found that men who reported higher stress levels were more likely to have lower sperm counts and less sperm motility. In addition, the study found that stress can also lead to erectile dysfunction. While the study did not specifically look at the causes of infertility, it is clear that stress can play a role in both sexual performance and sperm health. This is yet another reason to try to reduce stress in your life.

Seven daily activities to help reduce stress levels to lead a better sexual life are:

Go for walks: Physical activities play a huge role in dealing with our stress levels. Going out for a walk early morning or evening helps us to stay active. Meeting new people, interacting with them, enjoying the small details in our surroundings, and inhaling fresh air while going for walks help reduce our stress level to a great extent.

Practicing Yoga: Yoga is a natural cure for many health problems. Several yoga positions and asanas help in better blood and oxygen circulation in our bodies. Lowering head positions in these asanas helps us maintain calm and also relaxes our nervous system

Communicate: It is important to communicate our feelings, especially during anger or grief. Holding our grief and anger for prolonged time results in added stress levels which affect our health. Communicating and sharing problems with our close and loved ones helps to relieve stress and brightens our mood. We never know if they have any ideas or suggestions to help us solve the issue.

Slow breathing & meditation: Even your breath, which you wouldn’t think, calms you down and enables you to make wiser judgments, controls your temper, and fosters patience. This facilitates better decision-making and improved stress management.

Proper diet: Good nutrition and a balanced diet are necessary to maintain stress levels. Often during stress, we tend to reach out to sweet cravings but that should be consumed within a limit. It is important to drink enough water to stay calm during stressful times.

Listen to music: Good music is a good stress manager and reliever. When you have music playing in the background of your life, you will enjoy it more and feel less stressed throughout the day.

Sleep enough: It’s crucial to obtain eight hours of sleep each night, go to bed and wake up at the same time at least five days a week. Sleep is the best healer. Sleep restores the worn-out tissue, lowers the danger of inflammation, and helps the body’s desperately required cell renewal.

If you are struggling with stress, talk to your doctor about ways to reduce it before it gets late, affecting your sexual health and mental well-being. Learn and adapt methods to deal with daily stress to live a happy life, not allowing stress to suppress your happy moments. (IANS)

Squeezing exercise into a busy schedule can be tough. However, new research suggests that doing just 15 minutes of physical activity over the course of a week is linked to a lower risk of dying prematurely compared to not exercising at all—as long as the movement gets your heart pumping.

In the study, published Oct. 27 in the European Heart Journal, researchers used a data set to track nearly 72,000 people in the U.K., who were ages 40 to 69 and didn’t have cardiovascular disease or cancer when they enrolled, for about seven years. The researchers zeroed in on a week at the start of the study during which everyone wore an activity tracker on their wrist. People who did no vigorous activity during that week had a 4% risk of dying sometime during the study, but for people who got at least 10 minutes, that risk was cut in half. Among people who got 60 minutes or more, that risk fell to 1%. Overall, the researchers estimated that getting 15 to 20 minutes a week of vigorous physical activity was linked to a reduction in the risk of dying by 16% to 40%.

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It comes as no surprise that the more time people spent doing vigorous physical activity, the greater the longevity benefit. But the “sweet spot” where people benefited the most was about 60 minutes a week, says Matthew Ahmadi, a research fellow at the University of Sydney in Australia and lead author of the study. (That’s not to say exercise beyond an hour was necessarily worse, noted Ahmadi; because the study didn’t include many people who got more vigorous physical activity, potential maximum benefits of getting more intense physical activity are unknown.)

Even if people don’t have the time to go to the gym, the study shows it’s possible to get health benefits from day-to-day activities because short-duration exercise can add up, says Ahmadi. He suggests picking up your pace or working more intensely at things you already do—for instance, walking, gardening, or even doing chores. “Any physical activity a person is doing provides an opportunity to do vigorous physical activity, if they can do the activity at a faster pace or higher intensity for just short periods of time,” he says. What counts as vigorous physical activity varies depending on your level of fitness, he notes, but a good sign that you’re doing it is having difficulty holding a conversation.

A similar observational study, also published Oct. 27 in the European Heart Journal by a different group of researchers, also suggests that the intensity of physical activity—not just the time spent moving—is important to reduce cardiovascular disease. In the study, which also looked at adults of the same age in the same U.K. data set, researchers tracked about 88,000 people for about seven years.

After analyzing data from the week during which people used activity trackers, researchers found that doing physical activity with greater intensity was linked to a reduction in people’s cardiovascular-disease, even without increasing the amount of time people exercised. For example, people who walked quickly for seven minutes instead of slowly for 14 minutes during that week had a lower risk of cardiovascular disease later on. 

The studies were both observational, which means that the research can’t prove that physical activity was the reason why people who did it lived longer—or had less cardiovascular disease—than those who didn’t. The week of physical activity was also just a snapshot in time, and people’s habits may have changed later. However, other studies have also found that short bursts of movement can reduce risk of death. One 2011 study published in the Lancet found that just 15 minutes of physical activity a day could reduce the risk of early death. A 2014 study in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology found that just 5 to 10 minutes a day of running could reduce early death from any cause.

The new research doesn’t mean the total time you spend moving isn’t important, says Paddy Dempsey, an author of the cardiovascular-disease study and a research fellow at the University of Cambridge. People with the very lowest rates of cardiovascular disease got more physical activity overall and got the most moderate-to-vigorous physical activity.

Although any movement is valuable, Dempsey says, if you’re strapped for time, “adding in a bit of intensity can provide unique health benefits, while also potentially making workouts more time efficient.” (Source: TIME.COM)

Having to work with frustrating people is simply part of life. You can’t escape them. But you also don’t have to grin and bear the stress as if you have no choice.

While researching for my new book, “Getting Along,” I identified eight types of difficult people. The first step to effectively handling these annoying colleagues is to know exactly what kind of person you’re dealing with.

The 8 types of difficult people

1. The Passive-Aggressive is the absolute worst on this list because they are the most common. They’ll appear to comply with the needs of others, but will then passively resist following through. Or they might use indirect methods to express their thoughts and feelings, so their intentions are never entirely clear.
2. The Insecure Boss might be a micromanager who drives you up a wall with incessant nitpicking. Or they might be a paranoid meddler who makes you question your every move. They may even intentionally hurt your career if they perceive you as a threat.
3. The Pessimist constantly points out all the ways something can fail. It sometimes seems like they can never find anything positive to say.
4. The Victim is a type of pessimist who feels like everyone is out to get them. They don’t take accountability for their actions, and they’ll quickly point their fingers at other people when things go wrong. 
5. The Know-It-All is convinced that they’re the smartest person in the room, hogs airtime, and has no qualms about interrupting others. They gleefully inform you of what’s right, even if they’re clearly wrong. 
6. The Tormentor is someone who has earned their way to the top, typically making sacrifices along the path — only to mistreat others below them. They might be a senior colleague who you expect to be a mentor, but who ends up making your life miserable instead.
7. The Biased knowingly or unknowingly commits microaggressions. No matter what they think their intention is with these comments, their behavior is inappropriate and harmful.
8. The Political Operator is laser focused on advancing their own career — but at your expense. Of course, engaging in office politics is often unavoidable, but this person is fixated on getting ahead and has a take-no-prisoners approach to doing so. 

How to handle passive-aggressive behavior at work

Passive aggression is one of the most frustrating behaviors I see in offices because it can be so hard to pin down and ultimately fix.

But there are some tips you can use to nudge your colleague to interact with you in a more productive, straightforward way.

1. Don’t label them as “passive-aggressive.”

Don’t label them as “passive-aggressive.”

Illustration: Ash Lamb for CNBC Make It

“Stop being so passive aggressive!” is a loaded phrase that will only make things worse. I’d be shocked if your colleague said, “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll stop.”

It’s more likely that this request would make them even more angry and defensive, which will stop any sort of positive communication in its tracks.

2. Focus on the content, not the delivery.

Focus on the real concern or question hidden behind the snarky comments.

Before reacting to a passive aggressive comment, ask yourself: What is the underlying idea they’re attempting to convey? Do they think that the way you’re running a project isn’t working? Or do they disagree with the team’s goals?

If you can focus on the real concern or question hidden beneath that snarky comment, you can find a way address the actual problem in a way that works for everyone.

3. Figure out what the other person cares about.

Of course, you still may not fully understand what your coworker wants. But spend some time thinking about possible explanations. Just like during negotiations, assess the other person’s interests. What do they care about? What do they want to achieve?

Then do what psychology professor Gabrielle Adams calls “hypothesis testing”: Ask — respectfully and without judgment — about what’s going on. You might say, “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been responding to my emails. Is there something wrong?”

4. Call attention to what’s happening.

With this tactic, it’s best to stick to facts — the things you know for sure — without emotion or exaggeration.

For example: “You said you wanted to help with this project and you haven’t joined the three meetings we’ve had so far. You also didn’t respond to the email I sent last week about next steps.”

Then explain how their actions affected you: “I’m disappointed and stressed out because I’m not able to do all of the work myself, and I had hoped to have your help.”

Finally, the tricky part: Make a straightforward request. “If you’re still interested in helping out, and I hope you are, I’d like you to attend the meetings. If not, I need to know so I can find an alternative solution.” 

Amy Gallo is a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review and a co-host of HBR’s Women at Work podcast. She is the author of “Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)” and the “HBR Guide to Dealing With Conflict.” Follow her on Twitter @amyegallo.

Ash Lamb is an illustrator and designer based in Barcelona, Spain. He spends his time deconstructing and illustrating ideas for creative entrepreneurs. He also teaches people from all around the world how to create impactful visuals at visualgrowth.com. Follow Ash on Twitter and Instagram. (Source: Harvard)

With the large youth population and their divergent views on romantic relationships, the idea of relationships and marriage in India has undergone a significant change in recent years.

The foundation of a romantic relationship has long been based on the institution of marriage, particularly in Indian society. Because of how dependent men and women were on one another in marriage, this constitution has endured for years despite all challenges, no matter how big or small. The youth of today are self-sufficient in all facets of life, financially, emotionally, and mentally. The need to be dependent on a partner is gradually vanishing, and both men and women are open to relationships without boundaries.

Technology has a significant influence on how people view relationships today. People no longer value the perseverance and effort it takes to build a meaningful relationship because everything, from food to information to dating, is just a click away. They view it as a waste of time if it takes longer to accomplish the goal. Relationships and all other facets of life have been influenced by this mindset. Despite little sacrifice, people still desire love. Still seeking harmony, but with few concessions. Today, a lot of people in India date multiple people without taking the time to get to know them. At the first sign of “incompatibility,” they move on to the next person, looking for the unique chemistry that only exists in rom-coms.

Due to this behaviour, marriages are no longer seen as the throne of a stable relationship and the idea of monogamy sounds like a crisis. Everyone loves the idea of falling in love, but very few people are willing to put in the effort necessary to achieve it, and those who do tend to get easily bored. This causes a lot of disappointment and resentment in those who are already married, which fuels an increase in extramarital affairs. For individuals who fit this description, there’s a good chance that marriage took place either too soon in their lives, leaving them with a fear of not having had other romantic experiences or a need to try them right away. Some people wonder or worry that they are with the wrong person because they feel it.

These individuals have always been present in Indian society, and on a large scale. In January 2020 Gleeden – an extramarital dating app presented a study, conducted by IPSOS, about the state of Infidelity in India. According to the results gathered by IPSOS, 55 per cent Indians had already been unfaithful to their current partner at least once at the time of the interview out of which 54 per cent were men and 56 per cent were women. This is shows exactly the state of a “happily ever after” marriage in India. The important question to decode here is if someone is unhappy in their marriage why not just break it off, move on and divorce your partner?

The truth is that not many people still have the courage to end a long-term marriage with a separation or divorce. Dust is still swept under the carpet, as preferred. Thus, Gleeden-like apps have enjoyed tremendous success in India. Most of their users come from highly affluent backgrounds. Professionals with college degrees and high-paying jobs are both men and women. There are also many housewives among the engineers, business owners, consultants, managers, and executives. In terms of age, men tend to be over 35 while women tend to be over 26.

Sharing about this shift in monogamy and infidelity in Indians, Sybil Shiddell, Country Manager India for Gleeden said: “The Indian society has been very quiet on matters related to marriage for many years but 2022 has seen a lot of people starting to embrace the concept that monogamy is not forcefully the only way, and more and more couples are opening their marriages to adventure and experimentation. However, it is important to understand that there could be multiple reasons behind infidelity and it does not always depend on the behaviour of the spouse. Mostly, people cheat because they feel something is missing in their life and they fancy a new adventure. For some people, cheating could also be beneficial to the couple and add some spiciness to their marriage. An IPSOS study, as well as some internal surveys, found out that physical attraction and sex, lack of attention from the current partner and desire for a blowing romance are the most common drives that lead to an extramarital affair.”

She adds: “Even as we speak about people and their desires, there isn’t a one-fits-all formula. Everything depends on the individuals and the reasons behind infidelity. In the ideal world, transparency and consent should be the preconditions: both people involved in an extramarital relationship must know that one of them (or both) is married and that they would want to stay that way making this new relationship always secondary. There should be these predefined rules like we have on Gleeden: a dating app devoted to extramarital dating, where conditions and expectations are all in the “open”. The intent is clear and there is no room for misinterpretation. This doesn’t happen on traditional dating apps, where one can pretend to be single and easily lie to their dates about the marital status and real intent of that encounter.” (IANS)

COVID-19 has caused an inordinate number of deaths around the world so far, causing life-expectancies to plunge. Historically, countries have recovered from other so-called “mortality shocks,” such as the 1918 flu and two world wars, within one to two years. But the shock of the pandemic is enduring in many places.

A study published Oct. 17 in Nature Human Behavior reviewed life-expectancy trends in 29 countries during 2021, building on previous data the scientists had analyzed from 2020, and found that COVID-19 continued to account for most life-expectancy losses in 2021. But those life-expectancy losses from the pandemic are dissipating in some countries with relatively high rates of vaccination and infection-derived immunity, which both contribute to lower COVID-19 deaths. 

Four countries in western Europe—Belgium, France, Switzerland, and Sweden—have fully restored their population’s life expectancy back to pre-pandemic levels, and four others have nearly done so, while other countries did not experience additional losses in 2020 compared to 2021. But the U.S. and 11 countries, including many in eastern Europe, continue to record excess mortality.

“We found it was indeed possible for nations to recover from drastic and historic life-expectancy losses,” says Jonas Scholey, research scientist at the Max Planck Institute for demographic research and co-author of the paper. “But within our sample, it was not the norm.”

The reasons for disparities among the countries, not surprisingly, has to do with how resilient their health-care systems are at bouncing back from the burden of caring for COVID-19 patients. It also relates to the countries’ underlying health trends that had been in place before the pandemic.

Since COVID-19 hit people ages 60 and older particularly hard, the countries that recovered best were those that lowered excess mortality among this population most quickly, through successful vaccination campaigns and the capacity to provide antiviral treatments and intensive care. Belgium, which showed the most impressive recovery out of any country studied, was particularly strong in these areas; for people 60 and older, life-expectancy rates dropped about a year in 2020 but went up by about 10 months in 2021, nearly returning to 2019 levels.

The U.S. also improved mortality rates among the elderly in 2021, but those gains were offset by increases in deaths among younger populations, including from gun violence and opioid overdoses. On top of deaths caused by COVID-19, deaths related to other chronic conditions, such as obesity and Type 2 diabetes, also continued to increase, keeping mortality among working-age populations high. Overall, life expectancy in the U.S. dropped by more than two years during the pandemic compared to 2019 levels.

In eastern Europe, persistent losses in life expectancy are likely due to fractured health-care systems that still have not recovered from the overwhelming impact of the pandemic, says Scholey. “I’m not at all optimistic about how fast health-care systems can regenerate from the shock they had to absorb over the past 2.5 years,” he says. “By that I mean people in the health care system as well; some have resigned and others suffer from burnout, and this has an effect on what health systems can do.” Many countries in eastern Europe showed deeper life-expectancy losses in 2021 than in 2020; the populations of Bulgaria and Slovakia, for example, both lost about two years in 2021 due to COVID-19, which is higher than the 18-month and 9-month deficits they recorded, respectively, in 2020.

It’s still too early to determine how big an impact the pandemic will have on life-expectancy long term. It’s also impossible at this point to assess the impact of delayed health care for conditions like cancer and heart disease, which may have an eventual effect on mortality. Experts expect the consequences of people skipping or not getting treatments because of COVID-19 to emerge in mortality and life-expectancy trends in the next few years.

Still, with more of the world’s population now vaccinated, it’s possible that in the coming year, some of the life-expectancy losses in countries could begin to reverse, says Scholey. “I am cautiously optimistic that the excess deaths this winter [from COVID-19] won’t be as pronounced in many countries as they have been over the last two years. But with a virus as unpredictable as SARS-CoV-2, “we’ll have to see.” (TIME.COM)

Now is the season to think about what makes you most thankful, but research supports making it a year-round habit. Many studies have found there are benefits of gratitude — both mental and physical — and all it takes to enjoy them is a little bit of introspection.

Here are seven surprising benefits of practicing gratitude.

Gratitude can make you more patient

Research from Northeastern University has found that people who felt grateful for little, everyday things were more patient and better able to make sensible decisions, compared to those who didn’t feel very gracious on a day-to-day basis. When 105 undergraduate students were asked to choose between receiving a small amount of money immediately or a larger sum at some point in the future, for example, the students who had shown more gratitude in earlier experiments were able to hold out for more cash.

Gratitude might improve your relationship

According to a study in the Journal of Theoretical Social Psychology, feeling grateful toward your partner — and vice versa — can improve numerous aspects of your relationship, including feelings of connectedness and overall satisfaction as a couple. “Having a partner that’s grateful for you or you being grateful for the other” can both help your love life, says Emma Seppälä, a happiness researcher at Stanford and Yale Universities and author of The Happiness Track. (Seppälä wasn’t involved with the research.)

Gratitude improves self-care

In a study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, researchers asked people to rate their levels of gratitude, physical health and psychological health, as well as how likely they were to do wellbeing-boosting behaviors like exercise, healthy eating and going to the doctor. They found positive correlations between gratitude and each of these behaviors, suggesting that giving thanks helps people appreciate and care for their bodies.

Gratitude can help you sleep

“Count blessings, not sheep,” Seppälä says. Research in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research has found that feeling grateful helps people sleep better and longer. That’s likely because “you have more positive thoughts before you go to sleep,” says Seppälä (who wasn’t involved in the study), which may soothe the nervous system. If you’re going to make a daily gratitude list, Seppälä recommends writing it before bed.

Gratitude may stop you from overeating

“Gratitude replenishes willpower,” says Susan Peirce Thompson, a cognitive scientist who specializes in the psychology of eating. The concept is similar to the Northeastern research that found a connection between gratitude and patience: Thompson says cultivating feelings of gratitude can boost your impulse control, helping you slow down and make better decisions. If you find yourself taking slice after slice of pumpkin pie, for example, Thompson recommends excusing yourself from the table to jot down a quick list of things you’re grateful for, which can help you clear your mind and reset.

Gratitude can help ease depression

Thompson, the cognitive scientist, says experiments have shown that people whole partake in the “three good things” exercise — which, as the name suggests, prompts people to think of three good moments or things that happened that day — see considerable improvements in depression and overall happiness, sometimes in as little as a couple weeks. “If there were a drug that did that, whoever patented that drug would be rich,” Thompson says. “Gratitude is very powerful.”

Gratitude gives you happiness that lasts

Lots of things, from a compliment to a sugary treat, can bring little bursts of happiness. But instant gratification also goes away quickly, Seppälä explains, which leaves you craving more. “Gratitude is something that leads to much more sustainable forms of happiness, because it’s not based in that immediate gratification; it’s a frame of mind,” she says. If you regularly take time to express gratitude and thankfulness, you’re likely to see results.  (courtesy: Time.com)

By, Jamie Ducharme

If you have a happy marriage, “’til death do us part” may be a long ways off.

Married people who rated their unions as “very happy” or “pretty happy” had roughly 20% lower odds of dying early than people who said their marriages were “not too happy,” according to a recent study published in the journal Health Psychology. The work expands on existing studies that have linked marriage to a number of positive health outcomes, from a healthy heart to a trimmer waistline.

The study was based on interview responses from more than 19,000 married people up to age 90 who participated in the General Social Survey between 1978 and 2010. They were asked to rate the happiness and overall quality of their marriages, among other questions. The researchers then tracked their health and survival through 2014.

People who said they had “very happy” or “pretty happy” marriages were about 20% less likely to die during the time frame of the study compared to people who said they had “not so happy” marriages. That result held true even after adjusting for age, gender, race, education and geographic region. (The study didn’t look at how not-so-happily coupled folks fared compared to singles, nor did it account for changes in marital satisfaction over time.)

Study co-author Mark Whisman, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of Colorado Boulder, says there are several ways that a good marriage seems to improve health. For one thing, married people may encourage their spouses to adopt healthy habits such as eating well, exercising and seeing a doctor regularly, Whisman says.

But there are also a number of ways that a supportive marriage seems to help psychological health, which also translates to physical well-being. In general, marriage “provides people with meaningful roles and identity, a purpose in life, a sense of security,” Whisman says. “Those kind of psychological factors might influence health.” Strong marriages in particular may improve “mental health and well-being, which we know is associated with physical health,” Whisman says.

Finally, Whisman says a happy marriage provides a degree of social support above and beyond even that provided by friends and family, and plenty of research shows that social support is integral to good health. “A high-quality marriage can serve as a buffer against chronic or acute stressors in life,” Whisman says. Married people just tend to spend a lot more time together than with anyone else, “so we think there’s something more specific about the marital relationship relative to other social relationships.”

That’s a heartening finding if your marriage is happy, but all that time together can backfire if your union isn’t so strong. Unhappy marriages have been linked to everything from a higher risk of heart disease to high blood pressure — so the health of your partnership could mirror your own wellbeing. (Courtesy: TIME)

“Interestingly, Anandakanda, an Ayurvedic text, mentions the directions in which one should sleep to enjoy a deep, restful sleep,” Dr Gopinath said.

Be it Ayurveda or modern science, experts constantly stress the need for a good night’s sleep for the healthy functioning of our mind and body. This is because lack of sleep can significantly impact your well-being and put you at risk of serious health conditions such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, hypertension, and mental health issues, among others. Apart from ensuring that you are sleeping an adequate number of hours, you must also pay special attention to the direction you are sleeping in, says Ayurveda.

Highlighting the importance Ayurveda places on sleep, Dr Arun Gopinath, Senior Medical Officer, Kerala Ayurveda said, “Farmers often leave their fields fallow, allowing the soil to regenerate and recoup its lost fertility. Sleep works in a similar manner – it is the period when we renew and revive our senses for a fresh start and a productive day. Sleep or nidra is highly vital in Ayurveda – so much that it is included in the three pillars of life or the Traya Upasthambhas along with food or Ahara and sexual conduct or Brahmacharya.”

He added that Acharya Charaka – one of the principal contributors to the ancient system of Ayurveda – hailed sleep as ‘Bhutadhathri‘, “indicating that restful sleep nourishes our body like a mother, or dhatri nourishes her child.”

However, despite its many benefits, many people struggle to get restful sleep. While we often blame lifestyle factors for it, little attention is paid to the direction we sleep in, which could have a significant impact on the quality of our sleep, and also our health. “Interestingly, Anandakanda, an Ayurvedic text, mentions the directions in which one should sleep to enjoy a deep, restful sleep,” Dr Gopinath said.

The best direction to sleep

According to Ayurvedic expert Dr Dixa Bhavsar Savaliya, one should sleep with their head facing south as it is considered the direction of deep, heavy sleep. “As South is negatively charged and your head is positively charged, there is a harmonious attraction between your head and the direction. Instead of energy being pulled out if you sleep with your head to the north, energy is drawn into your body promoting health, happiness and prosperity. That means you should sleep like a log with your head facing south,” she explained.

Agreeing, Dr Gopinath said: “In mythology, it is believed to be the direction of Lord Yama, meaning you will enjoy a night of uninterrupted sleep and longevity or deerghayu in this direction.”

A study, published in the National Library of Medicine, stated that hat those who were instructed to sleep with their head in the south direction for 12 weeks had the lowest systolic blood pressure, diastolic blood pressure, heart rate, and serum cortisol.

Worst direction to sleep

Is there a worst direction to sleep, too? Just like the south is considered to be the best direction to sleep in, Ayurvedic experts suggested avoiding facing north while sleeping. This is because “sleeping towards the north makes the positive pole of earth coincide with the positive pole of our body, which repels each other. You will, thus, have nightmares and disturbed sleep,” Dr Gopinath explained.

Dr Dixa added that, in this direction, you won’t get a restful night’s sleep and are likely to wake up exhausted from the unconscious war that’s been going on all night long. “This magnetism is understood, Ayurvedically, to affect blood circulation, stress and cause disturbance of the mind,” she said.

What about east and west?

Now that it is established that sleeping with your head towards south and north are the best and worst positions, respectively, let’s delve deeper into the remaining two directions and their effect on your sleep and, in turn, health.

East: This sleeping direction is considered beneficial for students as it is believed to be a memory enhancer. “As the sun rises in the east, this direction signifies rejuvenation and positive energy characterised by intellect and creativity,” Dr Gopinath said.

Dr. Dixa added that this direction helps improve concentration, and promotes meditative sleep and very good health.

West: Sleeping west, on other hand, is linked to an unsettled night’s sleep. “Vastu Shastra says that this is the direction of striving which could give you unsettling dreams and not a very restful night’s sleep,” she explained.

Additionally, sleeping with your head towards the west can lead to emotional distress, Dr Gopinath mentioned. “It increases Rajas or restlessness, and you may suffer from nightmares. But it also makes a person success-driven, so it is for those who want to succeed in life and are not bothered about their sleep quality,” he added.

(https://indianexpress.com/article/lifestyle/health/sleep-directions-east-west-north-south-best-worst-ayurveda-8162133/?utm_source=newzmate&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=eveningbrief&pnespid=B68nqEFQ8jQUyVuF5M2KD0BLuR9hxbtxt1sUAakHKY3KD_fUpaTktoqDS4zO4DB_1sM4ZpX5)

“Interestingly, Anandakanda, an Ayurvedic text, mentions the directions in which one should sleep to enjoy a deep, restful sleep,” Dr Gopinath said. 

Be it Ayurveda or modern science, experts constantly stress the need for a good night’s sleep for the healthy functioning of our mind and body. This is because lack of sleep can significantly impact your well-being and put you at risk of serious health conditions such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, hypertension, and mental health issues, among others. Apart from ensuring that you are sleeping an adequate number of hours, you must also pay special attention to the direction you are sleeping in, says Ayurveda.

Highlighting the importance Ayurveda places on sleep, Dr Arun Gopinath, Senior Medical Officer, Kerala Ayurveda said, “Farmers often leave their fields fallow, allowing the soil to regenerate and recoup its lost fertility. Sleep works in a similar manner – it is the period when we renew and revive our senses for a fresh start and a productive day. Sleep or nidra is highly vital in Ayurveda – so much that it is included in the three pillars of life or the Traya Upasthambhas along with food or Ahara and sexual conduct or Brahmacharya.”

He added that Acharya Charaka – one of the principal contributors to the ancient system of Ayurveda – hailed sleep as ‘Bhutadhathri‘, “indicating that restful sleep nourishes our body like a mother, or dhatri nourishes her child.”

However, despite its many benefits, many people struggle to get restful sleep. While we often blame lifestyle factors for it, little attention is paid to the direction we sleep in, which could have a significant impact on the quality of our sleep, and also our health. “Interestingly, Anandakanda, an Ayurvedic text, mentions the directions in which one should sleep to enjoy a deep, restful sleep,” Dr Gopinath said.

The best direction to sleep

According to Ayurvedic expert Dr Dixa Bhavsar Savaliya, one should sleep with their head facing south as it is considered the direction of deep, heavy sleep. “As South is negatively charged and your head is positively charged, there is a harmonious attraction between your head and the direction. Instead of energy being pulled out if you sleep with your head to the north, energy is drawn into your body promoting health, happiness and prosperity. That means you should sleep like a log with your head facing south,” she explained.

Agreeing, Dr Gopinath said: “In mythology, it is believed to be the direction of Lord Yama, meaning you will enjoy a night of uninterrupted sleep and longevity or deerghayu in this direction.”

A study, published in the National Library of Medicine, stated that hat those who were instructed to sleep with their head in the south direction for 12 weeks had the lowest systolic blood pressure, diastolic blood pressure, heart rate, and serum cortisol.

Worst direction to sleep

Is there a worst direction to sleep, too? Just like the south is considered to be the best direction to sleep in, Ayurvedic experts suggested avoiding facing north while sleeping. This is because “sleeping towards the north makes the positive pole of earth coincide with the positive pole of our body, which repels each other. You will, thus, have nightmares and disturbed sleep,” Dr Gopinath explained.

Dr Dixa added that, in this direction, you won’t get a restful night’s sleep and are likely to wake up exhausted from the unconscious war that’s been going on all night long. “This magnetism is understood, Ayurvedically, to affect blood circulation, stress and cause disturbance of the mind,” she said.

What about east and west?

Now that it is established that sleeping with your head towards south and north are the best and worst positions, respectively, let’s delve deeper into the remaining two directions and their effect on your sleep and, in turn, health.

East: This sleeping direction is considered beneficial for students as it is believed to be a memory enhancer. “As the sun rises in the east, this direction signifies rejuvenation and positive energy characterised by intellect and creativity,” Dr Gopinath said.

Dr. Dixa added that this direction helps improve concentration, and promotes meditative sleep and very good health.

West: Sleeping west, on other hand, is linked to an unsettled night’s sleep. “Vastu Shastra says that this is the direction of striving which could give you unsettling dreams and not a very restful night’s sleep,” she explained.

Additionally, sleeping with your head towards the west can lead to emotional distress, Dr Gopinath mentioned. “It increases Rajas or restlessness, and you may suffer from nightmares. But it also makes a person success-driven, so it is for those who want to succeed in life and are not bothered about their sleep quality,” he added.

(https://indianexpress.com/article/lifestyle/health/sleep-directions-east-west-north-south-best-worst-ayurveda-8162133/?utm_source=newzmate&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=eveningbrief&pnespid=B68nqEFQ8jQUyVuF5M2KD0BLuR9hxbtxt1sUAakHKY3KD_fUpaTktoqDS4zO4DB_1sM4ZpX5)

A Saudi man has claimed to tie the knot 53 times in 43 years to find “peace and stability”. Being called the ‘polygamist of the century’, the 63-year-old man said the reason behind his multiple marriages was his “search for a woman who could make him happy”, reported Gulf News.

According to the ‘polygamist’, he “tried to be fair to all his wives”.

Narrating his story, he said that “when I married for the first time, I did not plan to marry more than one woman because I was feeling comfortable and had children”.

The man, identified as Abu Abdullah, said that, however, after a while, due to certain “problems”, he decided to marry again at the age of 23.

He said that several issues erupted between him and his wives, prompting him to marry again. “I married 53 women over long periods. The first was when I was 20 years and she was six years older than me,” he was quoted in the article.

Abdullah said that his shortest spell of marriage was a one-night event. He added that “most of his marriages were to Saudi women”, but he has also married foreigners during his overseas business trips. “I used to stay for three to four months. So I married to protect myself from vice,” Abdullah said.

Meanwhile, the polygamist is reportedly now married to one woman. According to him, he does not plan to remarry.

Matrimonial relationships in Kerala seem influenced by a consumer culture of “use and throw” which is evident from the rise in live-in relationships and divorce on flimsy or selfish grounds, the Kerala state high court has observed.

The Kerala High Court in India observed that matrimonial relationships appear to have been influenced by consumer culture of “use and throw”, which is evident from rise in live-in relationships in the state and the prevailing trend to opt for divorce on flimsy or selfish grounds.

The HC also said that the younger generation apparently views marriage as an “evil” to be avoided in order to enjoy a “free life” without any liabilities or obligations.

The HC dismissed a divorce plea of a man who abandoned his wife and three daughters after nine years of marriage subsequent to an alleged affair with another woman and said “courts cannot come to the aid of an erring person to legalize his activities, which are per se illegal”.

“Law and religion consider marriage as an institution by itself and parties to the marriage are not permitted to walk away from that relationship unilaterally, unless and until they satisfy the legal requirements to dissolve their marriage through a court of law or in accordance with the personal law which governs them,” the high court said.

The younger generation apparently views marriage as an evil to be avoided for enjoying a free life without any liabilities or obligations. “They would expand the word ‘WIFE’ as ‘Worry Invited For Ever’ substituting the old concept of “Wise Investment For Ever”

Mere quarrels, ordinary wear and tear of matrimonial relationships or casual outburst of some emotional feelings cannot be treated as cruelties warranting a divorce, the HC said.

“They would expand the word ‘WIFE’ as ‘Worry Invited For Ever’ substituting the old concept of ‘Wise Investment For Ever.’ The consumer culture of ‘use and throw’ seems to have influenced our matrimonial relationships also,” said the court.

“Live-in-relationships are on the rise, just to say goodbye when they fall apart,” a bench of Justices A Muhamed Mustaque and Sophy Thomas said while dismissing a divorce plea of a man who abandoned his wife and three daughters after nine years of marriage subsequent to an alleged affair with another woman.

“They would expand the word ‘WIFE’ as ‘Worry Invited For Ever’ substituting the old concept of ‘Wise Investment For Ever.’ The consumer culture of ‘use and throw’ seems to have influenced our matrimonial relationships also,” said the court.

“Live-in-relationships are on the rise, just to say goodbye when they fall apart,” a bench of Justices A. Muhamed Mustaque and Sophy Thomas said while dismissing a divorce plea of a man who abandoned his wife and three daughters after nine years of marriage subsequent to an alleged affair with another woman.

The court said that law and religion consider marriage as an institution, and parties are not permitted to walk away from that relationship unilaterally, unless and until they satisfy the legal requirements to dissolve their marriage through a court of law.

The world’s population will cross 8 billion in November, according to recently released projections from the United Nations. And more than half of all people live in just seven countries.

China has the world’s largest population (1.426 billion), but India (1.417 billion) is expected to claim this title next year. The next five most populous nations – the United States, Indonesia, Pakistan, Nigeria and Brazil – together have fewer people than India or China. In fact, China’s population is greater than the entire population of Europe (744 million) or the Americas (1.04 billion) and roughly equivalent to that of all nations in Africa (1.427 billion).

As recently as 2015, half the world’s population was concentrated in just six countries – the same as above, with the exception of Nigeria, which was then the seventh most populous country and has since passed Brazil to move into sixth place. Recent population growth, however, has been faster in the rest of the world than in these nations, meaning that the top six now hold slightly less than half (49%) of the world’s people. Including Brazil’s 215 million people puts the world’s seven most populous countries at 51.7% of the global population.

In the UN’s “medium” scenario for future population growth – its middle-of-the-road estimate – the global population is expected to reach 9.7 billion in 2050 and 10.4 billion in 2100. Growth is expected to be concentrated in sub-Saharan Africa, where an estimated 29% of all the world’s births happened last year. The 2021 total fertility rate in sub-Saharan Africa, 4.6 births per woman, is double the global average of 2.3 births per woman and triple the average in Europe and Northern America (1.5) and in Eastern and South-Eastern Asia (also 1.5).

In the age of dating apps for adults, the platform specially caters to South Asian families in the diaspora that are looking for suitable marriage prospects within their own community.

Texas-based, Indian-American entrepreneur Radha Patel has launched, ‘The Auntie Network’, a tech-driven online desi dating platform for South Asian singles and families in North America.

The Auntie Network is based on the traditional South Asian system of matchmaking and aims to provide its users with suitable dating or marriage prospects from among the Desi diaspora community in the States.

“For decades, the Sima Aunties (Indian Matchmaking on Netflix) of the world have leveraged their networks to introduce single men and women to prospective life partners,” said Patel, founder and CEO of The Auntie Network and happily-married mother of two.

“Now, imagine if we could all harness the power of our inner Sima Aunties and had access to a network of singles all over North America, and eventually from the diaspora around the world,” she said.

“Just like grooming a child into an adult takes a village, finding that adult his/her plus one for life also takes a village,” Patel said. “Our platform aims to provide a safe, secure, sophisticated village for Indian singles who don’t cringe at the thought of a digitally-arranged marriage.”

Here is a step by guide to using ‘The Auntie Network’:

Step 1: Create an account at www.theauntienetwork.com

Start by making your own “parent” account. This is how you will talk to the parents of prospective matches and share profiles with your kids.

Step 2: Search the network

Find eligible matches by location, community, and many other search options. Save and favorite profiles or share potential matches with your children.

Step 3: Meet other aunties & uncles

Get to know parents of eligible singles and determine together if your children are a good match. Involve your kids as little or as much as they want in the search process.

Step 4: Introduce your kids

Recommend hand picked matches for your kids. They can talk to one another & decide if this is their life partner. Help make your family complete because after all… Auntie knows best! Membership varies from $0 to $30 a month, depending on the level of services selected.

The Auntie Network is currently live and family members can sign up for a free one month trial at www.theauntienetwork.com

A national panel of sleep experts released new recommendations Monday that call for more hours of sleep for most young people.

The National Sleep Foundation, a nonprofit aimed at promoting healthy sleep and safety, says the amount of sleep a person needs is highly variable and that some people need more than others. Still, the new hour ranges for each age group recommend more hours for infants, kids and teens:

Newborns (0-3 months ): Sleep range narrowed to 14-17 hours each day (previously it was 12-18)

Infants (4-11 months): Sleep range widened two hours to 12-15 hours (previously it was 14-15)

Toddlers (1-2 years): Sleep range widened by one hour to 11-14 hours (previously it was 12-14)

Preschoolers (3-5): Sleep range widened by one hour to 10-13 hours (previously it was 11-13)

School age children (6-13): Sleep range widened by one hour to 9-11 hours (previously it was 10-11)

Teenagers (14-17): Sleep range widened by one hour to 8-10 hours (previously it was 8.5-9.5)

Younger adults (18-25): Sleep range is 7-9 hours (new age category)

Adults (26-64): Sleep range did not change and remains 7-9 hours

Older adults (65+): Sleep range is 7-8 hours (new age category)

To come up with the new recommendations, the foundation put together a panel of 18 scientists and researchers from prominent medical associations in the United States and asked them to review over 300 studies on how much sleep is ideal. The panel then voted on how much sleep is appropriate at different ages.

Getting too little sleep and getting too much sleep are both unhealthy behaviors that can lead to a variety of consequences from grogginess to weight gain.

Happiness is a difficult thing to measure, but one initiative at the United Nations has been trying to figure it out. Every year since 2012, the U.N. Sustainable Development Solutions Network has published its World Happiness Report—a study that examines the connections between happiness and development, all while encouraging policymakers to place more of an emphasis on the former.

Around 1,000 people in each U.N. member state rate their quality of life on a scale from 0 to 10, while researchers cull data from six areas: GDP per capita, life expectancy, social support, trust and corruption, perceived freedom to make life decisions, and generosity. The World Happiness Report 2022 was just released, and while the results follow previous trends (every Nordic country made the cut), the list is a little more interesting because of COVID-19. The report paid special attention to evaluate how different governments have supported citizens’ happiness before, during, and likely after the pandemic.

Here is the list of the 10 happiest countries in the world—and who knows? Maybe just daydreaming about visiting these countries will give you a boost of happiness.

10. New Zealand

New Zealand has had one of the lowest rates of COVID-related deaths during the pandemic, cementing its spot in the top ten. Even without that time stamp, Kiwis are a famously happy and friendly bunch, which stems from satisfaction in both the workplace and social spheres. Having a Prime Minister who prioritizes emotional and mental growth certainly doesn’t hurt, either: In 2019, Jacinda Ardern introduced a Wellbeing Budget, which allocated billions of dollars towards initiatives like bolstering mental health, reducing child poverty, and supporting the Māori and Pasifika populations.

Endorphin-boosting travel tip: This one’s easy: go play outside. New Zealand is one of the most naturally beautiful countries in the world, with as many outdoor activities as there are stunning landscapes. Whether you spend your vacation kayaking in Milford Sound, hiking through Tongariro National Park, or bungy jumping in Queenstown, you’re sure to leave feeling better than when you arrived.

9. Israel

After placing 12th last year, Israel has finally broken into the top ten in 2022. The country’s response to the pandemic instilled a lot more government trust among citizens, as it was one of the first nations to successfully vaccinate a large percentage of its population. Israel also happens to be one of the healthiest countries in the world, with the lowest number of diet-related deaths (high cholesterol, Type 2 diabetes, etc.) in the entire world.

Endorphin-boosting travel tip: Travelers can enjoy that life-extending Mediterranean diet at thousands of restaurants in Tel Aviv, the culinary capital of Israel. Writer Gabrielle Robins suggests seeking out street food like falafel at HaKosem, hummus at Abu Hassan, and kebabs at Zalmaniko.

8. Norway

There’s not too much to complain about in Norway. The mix of a well-integrated government welfare system and a thriving economy built on responsible management of its natural resources (good riddance, fossil fuel-powered cars) means that very few are left behind, and the feelings of social support, trust in government, and economic well-being that come from that all contribute to overall happiness.

Endorphin-boosting travel tip: It’s scientifically proven that being near water makes people happier, and Noway has a lot of opportunities to enter an aquatic state of mind. The country has some of the deepest and most beautiful lakes in Europe, including Lake Mjøsa about 60 miles north of Oslo. There is a bike path that circles the entire lake, so get in a good ride before cooling off in the water.

7. Sweden

Sweden had the highest number of COVID-related deaths among all the Nordic countries, which may account for its drop from the 6th to the 7th spot this year. Still, it remains one of the happiest countries in the world thanks in large part to a high GDP per capita. An emphasis on social equality that is built into the education system starting in kindergarten, 16 months of paid family leave that can be split between a couple after a new child is welcomed into a family, and free day care also make Sweden the best country for women, according to a separate study. Basically, an emphasis on work-life balance leads to a happier populace.

Endorphin-boosting travel tip: Lagom is a way of life in Sweden (similar to hygge in Denmark), something that’s hard to translate but basically boils down to balance and moderation. Swedes apply lagom to everything from wardrobe to diet, but the most tourist-friendly way to enjoy this lifestyle is to join in fika—a designated time of day to slow down and be in the present, usually with a hot cup of coffee and baked good. Just stop by any one of Stockholm’s excellent cafes around 11 a.m. (we’re fans of Café Pascal and Green Rabbit) to easily join the locals in this daily tradition.

6. Luxembourg

With a population under 600,000, this small country offers high salaries and a strong social security system to help its citizens after retirement. But before you jump to the conclusion that money is actually buying happiness in Luxembourg, the country has many other perks that have nothing to do with cash, including a great healthcare system and excellent work-life balance (probably due to the mandatory five weeks of vacation time).

Endorphin-boosting travel tip: Can’t decide between nature and culture? Get a dose of both (and a little exercise while you’re at it) by climbing Chemin de la Corniche, a pedestrian promenade that winds along Luxembourg City’s 17th-century stone walls. Dubbed “Europe’s most beautiful balcony” by Luxembourger author Batty Weber, the street affords incredible views of the Alzette River and the city’s historic center.

5. Netherlands

The biggest stat from the Netherlands this year? That its happiness levels have barely changed (we’re talking less than 0.03 percent) between 2005 and 2021. And in the Netherlands, it turns out, happiness starts young. A 2013 UNICEF report rated Dutch children the happiest in the world, based on a number of metrics related to educational well-being, safety, and health.

Endorphin-boosting travel tip: According to the UNICEF report, 85 percent of Dutch children eat breakfast with their parents every morning (a sign of positive wellbeing). While you may be past the age of sitting down for meals before school, you can still enjoy a classic Dutch breakfast during your visit to the Netherlands: typically a slice of bread topped with appelstroop, jam, or hagelslag sprinkles (we’re smiling already).

4. Switzerland

Switzerland (which dropped one spot this year) is a country where everything is voted on, from how many vacation days workers should have to how many immigrants should be allowed into the country, and referendums down to the local level happen many times a year. This system of direct democracy means that Swiss citizens feel an unparalleled sense of participation in their country’s evolution. The Swiss are known to be insular, and it can be off-putting to first-time visitors, but there is a strong social fabric held together by a belief that every voice matters, which can go a long way toward feeling content.

Endorphin-boosting travel tip: According to a research from University College London, eating small amounts of dark chocolate can lead to a significant decrease in depressive symptoms—and where better in the world to shop around for chocolate than Switzerland? Try the 99 percent cocoa bar at the Teuscher HQ in Zurich, or hop on a train to Broc to visit the renowned Cailler-Nestle chocolate factory and shop.

3. Iceland

Iceland ranks high in terms of the proportion of respondents who said they felt like they had a fellow citizen to count on when the going gets rough. This perhaps became most obvious in the wake of the country’s post-2007 financial collapse and subsequent revitalization. You’d think that the perpetual flood of American tourists into Reykjavik might have dealt a blow to the residents’ happiness—it’s got to be a little harder to get that dinner reservation than it used to be, after all—but when it comes to well-being, the Icelanders are unfazed. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that they can always escape the city to a countryside that looks like another planet.

Endorphin-boosting travel tip: In a small country like Iceland, it’s easy to socialize with your friends and family—a huge contributing factor to overall happiness. Tap into that close-knit culture by joining an Icelandic family for a homemade meal, which you can easily do through several tour companies. Creative Iceland offers a deal like this in Reykjavik, while Viator has an option in the fishing town of Hofn.

2. Denmark

Denmark remained in the number two spot this year. The country rates near the top in all the reported metrics—life expectancy, social support, and generosity among them—but it is also a country hugely committed to renewable energy production (39.1 percent of its energy was wind-generated in 2014). A recent study from the Copenhagen-based Happiness Research Institute (whose existence is probably reason enough for a top spot) narrows down Denmark’s happiness to a number of different categories, including trust in the government, economic security, freedom, civil participation, and work-life balance.

Endorphin-boosting travel tip: Socioeconomic factors aside, the country’s happiness certainly comes in part from a respect for the planet it’s built on. To get a sense of that “at one with nature” mentality, visit Denmark in the summer and stay at a traditional Danish seaside inn. After a few days cycling along the coast, eating fresh mussels and house-made sourdough, and taking in views of the Baltic Sea from a shaded hammock, you can’t help but feel a little more joyful.

1. Finland

For the fifth year in a row, Finland is number one when it comes to happiness. The country consistently ranks among the top education systems in the world, occasionally beaten out by countries like South Korea, Japan, and Singapore. Much of that success comes from a widespread reverence for teachers, who are required to have a master’s degree (their education is state-funded), and a pedagogical system that focuses less on quantitative testing and more on experiential learning and equal opportunity.

Endorphin-boosting travel tip: Winter swimming is an extremely popular activity in Finland, with citizens claiming they get a huge rush of happiness as soon as they’re back on dry land and their circulation kicks back in. It’s an acquired taste to be sure, but the surge of serotonin and dopamine might just be worth it.

For the fifth year in a row, Finland has topped the rankings of the World Happiness Report. Aalto University experts are available to comment on what happiness means in this context and how this small country ensures its residents’ well-being.

Finland shares a 1,340 kilometer border with Russia. Besides separating the European Union country from its neighbor, the border has also marked a grim reality: the largest happiness divide in Europe, with the happiest country alongside one of the unhappiest.

‘Other countries outside of the Nordics, like Canada, New Zealand and Netherlands have started examining wellbeing more closely to better understand what factors explain why some citizens are happy and some not. Wellbeing is very multi-layered. First, of course, you need to have your basic needs met. We might take food, shelter, and clean drinking water as self-evident, but if you suddenly lose them – like many civilians in Ukraine right now – life becomes a struggle. It’s much easier to think about higher needs, such as self-expression, when you can take your survival relatively for granted,’ says Frank Martela, an expert on the basis of Finland’s happiness.

‘Research shows that high national ranking on these surveys is not so much about culture,’ Martela notes. ‘It’s more about how a country’s institutions take care of their people – this leads to higher ratings of life satisfaction.’

Smart urban planning is part of how Finland promotes satisfaction and well-being. Access to green spaces reduces stress and promotes physical activity, and an environment of trust means that kids can move around independently and adults can feel safe and secure. Marketta Kyttä, professor of land use planning, says ‘a person’s environment plays a big role in their happiness, which makes the topic of health promotion in cities very important. It’s closely related to social sustainability and whether you feel connected to your community.’

Much of Finland’s success is underpinned by an effective system of progressive taxation, explains Timo Viherkenttä, a professor of practice in law and taxation. ‘Taxation – there’s two sides of the coin. It’s not a question of whether Finns are masochists and want to pay more. Finns get more social structure and safety with the higher taxes they pay. Nevertheless, we have to be vigilant that our tax euros are being spent efficiently,’ Viherkenttä says.

‘I think that health is a major factor in happiness. In Finland there’s always been heavy discussion around how to improve our healthcare and education systems – we prioritise these key initiatives so they’re not left behind,’ he says.

Aalto University experts are available to comment on following themes:

Measuring and maintaining well-being

Frank Martela is a philosopher and researcher of psychology specialized in meaningfulness, happiness, and how organizations and countries can unleash human potential. His book A Wonderful Life – Insights on Finding a Meaningful Experience (HarperCollins 2020) has been translated into 24 languages, including French, Spanish, German, Japanese, Korean, and Indonesian.

Martela has become one of the key experts on why Finland is so happy. He has written about the topic for Scientific American Observer and co-authored a chapter on the Nordic countries for the 2020 Word Happiness Report. Martela has been interviewed by The New York Times, Vice News, Le Monde, and the Monocle Observer. He earned his first PhD in organizational research (Aalto University, 2012) and his second PhD in practical philosophy (University of Helsinki, 2019).

Urban planning to make people feel healthy and safe

Marketta Kyttä, professor of land use planning, studies child- and human-friendly environments, environments that promote wellbeing and health, urban lifestyles, perceived safety, as well as new methods for public participation. Her multidisciplinary research team is currently focused on the place-based, person-environment research with public participation, using geographic information system methodology. The team has also worked on numerous real-life public participation projects in Finnish cities and abroad.

High rewards from high taxes

Timo Viherkenttä is a professor of business law with extensive experience in tax law and the economy. He was the CEO of the State Pension Fund of Finland (2015-2020), and has also served as Justice of the Supreme Administrative Court, as well as Director General of the Budget Department at the Finnish Ministry of Finance.

When it comes to relationships, conflict is inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be emotionally distressing or callous. Couples can disagree and, yes, even fight while still showing compassion and respect for each other, according to psychologists.

In fact, clinical psychologist Deborah Grody says, married couples who don’t have any conflict are often the ones who end in divorce. “Relationships that can’t be saved are relationships where the flame has completely gone out, or it wasn’t there in the first place,” she says. When one or both partners are indifferent toward their relationship, they don’t care enough to even fight, according to Grody.

That said, frequent heated and hurtful conflict is certainly not healthy or sustainable, either. You can have conflicts with your partner in a constructive way, and it may actually bring you closer together, according to a 2012 paper published by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology. Researchers found that expressing anger to a romantic partner caused the short-term discomfort of anger, but also incited honest conversations that benefited the relationship in the long run.

If you want to navigate conflict with your partner in a healthier and more productive way, keep these things in mind during your next argument:

Be curious about your fights

During counseling sessions, Noam Ostrander, an associate professor of social work at DePaul University, often asks couples, “What does the 5:30 fight look like on weekdays?”

“They sort of smile because they know,” says Ostrander. That’s because, Ostrander says, couples often have the same fight over and over — almost following a script — without solving anything.

A common cause of “the 5:30 fight,” Ostrander says, is one partner wanting to tell the other about their day, and the other partner avoiding it — needing a minute to decompress after getting home from work. This likely leads to one partner accusing the other of not caring about them, and the other partner feeling attacked.

Instead, Ostrander encourages couples to pinpoint what triggers this repetitive fight, and try out ways to compromise instead of allowing the conflict to erupt. Rather than following the same old script, notice that you fight when one person gets home, and suggest a new way around that. “You can say, ‘What if we just pause, say hello or kiss hello, give it 15 minutes, and come back together,’” Ostrander says. This way, both partners can communicate that they do want to hear about the other person’s day and together, find the best way to do that.

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Schedule a time for conflict

Despite having even the most open lines of communication, conflicts are still bound to happen. And when they do, it’s helpful to choose a time to talk through problems, according to Grody. “If you start to have a fight, say, ‘Let’s pick it up this evening, or another time when there’s time to discuss things,’” she says.

Setting aside time to work out disagreements allows both partners the space to regroup and prepare, Grody explains. They can think about the best way to communicate their feelings in a calmer, more rational way, so as to avoid the instinct of being defensive or accusatory. “Most of the time, things are said on impulse in the heat of anger,” says Grody. “But the words stay with us.”

Call a timeout if you or your partner needs one

During an argument, it’s common for one or both partners to enter “fight, flight or freeze” mode, according to Ostrander. Humans enter one of these modes when they think they may be in danger, he says. “Fight or flight” refers to when stress hormones activate to give people more energy to either fight the stressor or run from the situation. And “freeze” mode occurs when a person simply does not react at all, in hopes that the stressor loses interest in the fight, he says.

When a couple is in this precarious zone, problem solving is highly unlikely, because each person is solely focused on reacting to the perceived threat they feel from their partner. And if only one person is in the “fight, flight or freeze” mode, while the other is trying to resolve the issue, it can frustrate both people and escalate the fight, Ostrander says.

“If you’re really upset with someone and they’re trying to problem solve, it can feel like they’re not even listening,” he says. “I often encourage, in those moments, that someone needs to call a timeout.”

And you can frame this timeout in a way that doesn’t make your partner feel like you’re simply walking away. “Perhaps somebody says, ‘Okay, I want to have this conversation. I need like 10 minutes to calm down. I love you, I’m not going anywhere,’” Ostrander says. “‘We’re going to come back to this, we’re going to figure it out.’”

When returning to the discussion after the brief hiatus, both people will be in a better place to make real progress, Ostrander says.

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Make requests instead of complaints

Fights often start with the same two words: “You always.” Rather than asking their partner to do something they’d like them to do, like cleaning up around the house, people jump to make accusations, according to Ostrander.

“You’re not getting what you want, because of how you’re asking for it,” he says. It’s easier for people to ask their partner why they never do something than it is to simply request that they do it.

Saying, “I’m not feeling great. I’m stressed about the way the house looks. Would you mind picking some stuff up?” is more direct and respectful than putting your loved one down for his or her failure to meet your need, Ostrander says. It’s also more likely to result in your partner completing the task.

Listen, and ask your partner for clarification

When the time comes to sit down and talk about solving conflicts, Grody says the most important thing couples can do is to listen — without interrupting. This can be more challenging than it seems. If your loved one says he or she doesn’t feel heard, for example, you should listen until your partner is finished speaking, according to Grody. Then, ask for clarification if there is something you don’t quite understand.

Asking, “what makes you feel like I’m not listening?” is a much more tactful way to address your partner’s complaint than simply saying, “well, I’m listening, so you should feel heard,” Grody says. Making sure you’re holding eye contact and positioning your body toward your partner when he or she is speaking will also signal that you are listening. These small adjustments can prevent countless fights down the road, Grody says.

And of course, during any fight, insults and character assassinations should be avoided at all costs, according to Grody. “Once it gets to the point where there’s name calling and things like that, the discussion should stop,” she says. “It’s not going to go anywhere.” Couples can come back to the conversation when both parties have had time to cool down.

Learn the right way to apologize to your partner

Just as people have different love languages, Ostrander says we have different apology languages, too. It’s not enough to recognize that you’ve hurt your loved one and you owe them an apology: You have to know them enough to tailor your apology to their needs, according to Ostrander.

“Some people want big gestures and some people want, ‘I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings, and I will take steps not to do that again,’” says Ostrander. “The process is figuring out what’s meaningful for your partner.”

Valentine’s Day is a day of love, a special day on which we’re supposed to make sure that those around us know how much we care for them. But on this day when Cupid is supposed to strike us with his arrow, there are several reasons to think “love” (by its many definitions) isn’t what it once was in the United States, for better or for worse.

Indeed, here are four potentially troubling statistics and one potentially positive sign about love in the US. We’re at a 30-year low for sex

Twenty-six percent of Americans ages 18 and up didn’t have sex once over the past 12 months, according to the 2021 General Social Survey. You might think this is just a pandemic effect, but it’s part of a long-term trend. The two years with next-highest percentage of adults saying they didn’t have sex once in the past year were 2016 (23%) and 2018 (23%) — the last two times the survey was conducted. Before 2004, the highest percentage of Americans who said they hadn’t had sex in the past year was 19%.

Last year’s survey was also the first time that the percentage of Americans who had sex once a month or less topped 50%. In 1989, 35% of American adults had sex once a month or less.

Some of this has to do with fewer people getting married and an aging population, but that doesn’t explain all of it. Among married couples under the age of 60, 26% had sex once a month or less in 2021. In 1989, it was 12%. The 1980s really were better for sex.

We’re at a 30-year low for living together: Fewer people are living together with a partner.

It’s not just about sex. Some 62% of Americans ages 25 to 54 lived with a partner or were married, according to a 2021 Pew Research Center study of 2019 US Census Bureau data. This included 53% who were married and 9% who were cohabitating. That’s well below the 71% of couples who lived together in 1990, with 67% married and 4% cohabitating.

You might think the growing share of unmarried people living without a spouse is due to rising educational levels among women who don’t need the financial support of a man. The statistics tell a different story, though. Better educated people and higher wage earners are the most likely to live with a partner or be married. A lot of people won’t get married if they don’t think it’s financially feasible, according to Pew polling.

There’s also been a higher increase in unmarried men living alone (10 points) than women (7 points) compared to the 1990 baseline.

Partnership is at a low, not just marriage Could it just be the case that people are still in relationships, but don’t want to be tied down by either living together or being married? Yes, but the statistics suggest something else is cooking.

The General Social Survey has, on and off since 1986, asked participants whether they had a steady partner. This past year, 30% of adults ages 25 to 54 (the same age bracket as the Pew study) indicated that they did not have a steady partner. In 1986, it was 20%. In fact, the percentage of 25- to 54-year-olds who said they didn’t have a steady partner never topped 23% prior to the 2010s. It’s been 25% or above in every survey since.

Interestingly, as the population ages and more Baby Boomers have gotten above the age of 55, the percentage of older folks in a relationship has stayed fairly steady — in the mid-to-high 60s on average.

That means this trend toward singledom is more about young people than older people. It’s the same with sex: The percentage of those age 55 and older not having any sex in the last year (40%) is about the same as it was 30 years ago.

Lockdown measures throughout 2020 have been linked to people in Scotland and England drinking more at home, according to new research.

The latest study, from researchers at the University of Sheffield and University of Glasgow, measured the impact of COVID-19 restrictions in 2020 on drinking practices, using data on almost 300,000 adult drinkers.

The study, published in the journal Addiction, found that while people were broadly drinking the same amount of alcohol during periods of restrictions as they were when no restrictions were in place, lockdowns appeared to be linked to a shift in habits to at-home, late evening drinking.

In Scotland, the study found that there was also an increase in solitary drinking, although researchers say this could be explained by a higher proportion of people living alone in Scotland than in England.

At-home drinking remains an under-researched area, and while the long-term impacts of these recent changes are not yet known, the study authors suggest that these new drinking habits should be closely monitored as we move into a period of fewer restrictions.

During the first UK lockdown, venues such as pubs and restaurants were closed, affecting the type of locations where people could drink alcohol. Restrictions were eased from July 2020, with pubs and restaurants gradually allowed to reopen. However, from September 2020 in response to rising case numbers, a series of national and local restrictions were put in place that once again impacted hospitality settings.

The research team studied 41,500 adult drinkers in Scotland and more than 250,000 adult drinkers in England, focusing on the original March 2020 lockdown, the easing of restrictions in July 2020 and the onset of further restrictions in September 2020 until December 2020.

While figures show there was no statistical difference in the total number of alcohol units consumed each week during different periods of the first year of the pandemic, more detailed analysis reveals that lockdown restrictions were associated with people starting to drink later in the day, and in Scotland where there is a higher proportion of people living alone, with more solitary drinking.

Dr Abigail Stevely, co-author of the study from the University of Sheffield’s Alcohol Research Group, said: “Despite some concerns that people might drink more in the day-time, we actually found that there was a shift towards people starting drinking later in the evening during lockdown restrictions. This perhaps reflects changes in people’s routines and the absence of opportunities for daytime socialising such as going to the pub with colleagues after work.

“Although we found that lockdown restrictions did not change overall levels of alcohol consumption, there is evidence from other studies that heavier drinkers may have increased their consumption. It will be therefore important to continue monitoring drinking during the pandemic to prevent additional health problems in future.”

The study’s findings suggest shop-bought alcohol consumption increased following the March 2020 lockdown and remained persistently higher than previous years throughout the rest of 2020, even in the period when lockdown restrictions were eased. Meanwhile, hospitality alcohol consumption decreased following the March 2020 lockdown and remained lower than previous years throughout the remainder of 2020.

The researchers believe this is most likely explained by three reasons: even when on-trade premises reopened they were operating at reduced capacity; some venues (e.g. nightclubs and live music venues) remained closed; some people will have continued to stay away from hospitality settings even in periods of lesser restrictions over fears of catching COVID-19.

Dr Iain Hardie, lead author of the study from the University of Glasgow MRC/CSO Social and Public Health Sciences Unit, said: “Going forward it remains unclear what the long-term consequences will be of the changes in alcohol consumption in 2020. With hospitality premises back operating at closer to full capacity it’s likely that alcohol consumption in these venues will move closer to pre-pandemic levels, although they could potentially decline again in response to new variants if restrictions are reintroduced or people are afraid of indoor spaces.

“However, the increase in home drinking in 2020 is a concern. We know from other studies that alcohol related harm has risen during the pandemic. The increase in home drinking is likely to have contributed to this. In the past, home drinking has been a relatively under researched topic, and there is now a need to monitor it more going forward to find out whether these home drinking habits picked up by people in 2020  become a new norm within peoples’ drinking behaviour. ”

The study, ‘The impact of changes in COVID-19 lockdown restrictions on alcohol consumption and drinking occasion characteristics in Scotland and England in 2020: an interrupted time-series analysis’ is published in Addiction. The work is funded by The Economic and Social Research Council. The Medical Research Council and the Scottish Government Chief Scientist Office.

The University of Sheffield is one of the world’s top 100 universities, renowned for the excellence, impact and distinctiveness of its research-led learning and teaching.

With six Nobel Prize winners among its former staff and students, Sheffield has a proud history of discovery, innovation and social change. In 1930, it pioneered the very first medical use of penicillin, while more recently researchers developed a lifesaving drug for the treatment of ovarian and breast cancer.

America’s population size is standing still, according to new data from the U.S. Census Bureau. Population growth over the 12-month period from July 1, 2020 through July 1, 2021 stood at unprecedented low of just 0.12%. This is the lowest annual growth since the Bureau began collecting such statistics in 1900, and reflects how all components of population change—deaths, births, and immigration levels—were impacted during a period when the COVID-19 pandemic became most prevalent.[i]

The new estimates show that during this period, population growth declined from the previous year in 31 of 50 states as well as Washington, D.C., with 18 states sustaining absolute population losses. In some states, especially California and New York, population losses were exacerbated by inflated out-migration during the pandemic, just as other states such as Florida and Texas benefitted from greater population in-flows.

While COVID-19 clearly played a role in this near-zero population growth, that growth had begun to plummet even before the pandemic. The 2020 census showed that from 2010 to 2020, the U.S. registered the second-lowest decade growth in its history—a consequence, in large part, of the aging of its population, which led to more deaths and fewer births. Nonetheless, the new data shows that pandemic-related demographic forces have left an indelible mark on the nation.

Historic dips and spikes in population growth follow pandemics and economic trends

The unprecedented near cessation of U.S. population growth is depicted in Figure 1, which charts annual growth rates in the 121-year period from 1900 to 2021. Over this time, the nation experienced wide variations in growth, resulting from wars, economic booms and busts, as well as changing fertility and immigration patterns.

Noteworthy are the sharp dips in growth: in 1918-19, due largely to the Spanish Flu pandemic, and in the late 1920s and early 1930s as a result of the Great Depression. Growth rose to levels approaching 2% during the prosperous post-World War II “baby boom” years of the 1950s and 1960s. And after a lull in the 1970s and 1980s, population growth rose again in the 1990s due to rising immigration and millennial generation births.

The 21st century ushered in another population growth downturn, exacerbated by the 2007-09 Great Recession. This spilled into a 2010s decade-wide growth slowdown that provided a backdrop for the nearly flat growth of 0.12% in 2020-21. This most recent statistic reflects more deaths and fewer births associated with an aging population along with greater restrictions in immigration near the end of the decade, even before the pandemic hit.

The factors that led to today’s unprecedented flat growth rate

The demographic components of reduced population growth in 2020-21 are depicted in Figure 2, which contrasts year-by-year changes since 2000 in what demographers call “natural increase”—the excess of births over deaths as well as net international migration.

As indicted above, declines in the nation’s natural increase levels during the 2010s reflected more deaths associated with an aging population as well as the after-effects of the Great Recession in the postponement of childbearing for young adult women. Immigration trends were more uneven due to changing economic circumstances, including the recession and immediate post-recession downturn, as well as immigration policies that became more restrictive during the Trump administration.

Both natural increase and immigration contributions to population growth became markedly reduced in 2020-21, in large part due to the pandemic. (Pandemic impacts were partially evident already in 2019-20 data.) Population gains attributable to natural increase rose as high as 1.1 million in 2016-17, but dropped to 677,000 in 2019-20 and then again to 148,000 in 2020-21. Over the past two years, the number of deaths in the U.S. rose by 363,000 (from 3.07 million to 3.43 million) and the number of births declined by 166,000 (from 3.74 million to 3.58 million)—reflecting, in part, pandemic-related decisions to postpone having children.

Immigration levels plummeted as well, exacerbating the impacts of earlier policy restrictions. The new estimates showed a net international migration of just 256,000 in 2020-21—down from an already low 477,000 in 2019-20 and from over 1 million per year in the middle of the 2010s decade.

Despite this decline in immigration, it was the dip in natural increase—propelled by deaths during the pandemic—that drove much of the nation’s dramatic growth slowdown.  In contrast to earlier years, the contribution of natural increase to the nation’s growth was even less than that of immigration.

Eighteen states lost population in the past year

The national growth slowdown exerted a broad impact across the nation’s states. Among the nation’s 50 states and Washington, D.C., 31 showed lower growth (or greater losses) in 2020-21 than in 2019-20 (see downloadable Table B).

The states that led in growth rates were mostly in the Mountain West, including Idaho, Utah, Montana, and Arizona, which had annual rates exceeding 1.4%. In terms of numeric growth, the biggest gainers in 2020-21 were Texas (310,000 people), Florida (211,000), Arizona (98,000), and North Carolina (93,000). Still, these gains were smaller than what these states saw in 2019-20 or 2018-19.

Perhaps most noteworthy is the fact that 18 states (including Washington, D.C.) lost population in 2020-21. This is up from 16 population-losing states 2019-20; 14 in 2018-19; and just 10 in the two prior years.

New York and California registered the biggest numeric losses. Both states showed substantially greater losses in 2020-21 than in the prior two years, as was the case for most states that sustained recent population losses.

Twenty-five states registered more deaths than births

The poor growth performance of most states in 2020-21 reflects a combination of lower natural increase and smaller immigration from abroad—components which led to reduced national growth and reduced domestic migration across states (see downloadable Table C).

All 50 states and Washington, D.C. displayed lower natural increase in 2020-21 than in the previous year. Moreover, 25 states showed what demographers call “natural decrease”—an excess of deaths over births. Led by Florida, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan, and West Virginia, most of these states are in the nation’s Northeast, Midwest, and Southeast. Just eight of these states registered natural decreases in 2019-20; in 2018-19, this was the case for only four (West Virginia, Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont).

Similarly, immigration from abroad was lower across all 50 states and Washington, D.C. in 2020-21 than in the previous year. This is especially the case for those with greatest immigrant gains: Florida, Texas, New York, and California.

Domestic migration sharpened state gains and losses

Domestic migration (movement within the U.S.) is the one demographic component which can either worsen or improve state population growth in a slow growth environment. This was especially the case during the past year, when pandemic-related economic, social, and safety factors prompted selective movement flows.

The new census estimates show how domestic migration impacted states which both lost and gained population. For example, the three states with the greatest overall population losses—New York, California, and Illinois—were the three leaders in net out-migration.    These states contain major cities and metropolitan areas, which have been associated with out-migration during the pandemic, and registered greater out-migration in 2020-21 than in each of the previous two years. It is also noteworthy that Washington, D.C. lost 23,000 domestic migrants—a huge outlier from earlier years, when the city experienced far smaller migration losses or gains (see downloadable Table C).

Similarly, states with the greatest overall population gains—Texas, Florida, and Arizona—were leaders in 2020-21 domestic in-migration. Just as most migrant-losing states shed greater numbers of migrants during the pandemic than earlier, it is the case that most migrant-gaining states (Arizona and Nevada were among the exceptions) gained more migrants than before.

A historic demographic low point

Among the many consequences the COVID-19 pandemic has inflicted on the nation, its impact on the nation’s demographic stagnation is likely to be consequential. The new census estimates make plain that as a result of more deaths, fewer births, and a recent low in immigration, America has achieved something close to zero growth in the 2020-21 period. This trend has affected most states, and will lead to sharp changes in how many Americans make decisions about childbearing as well as where and how they live.

While it is true that the rise in pandemic-period deaths—especially among the older population—contributed much to this slow growth, declines in fertility and immigration also added a great deal. Because the latter demographic components contribute most to any future rise in the nation’s youth and labor-force-age population, it is vital that we examine public policies that can overcome barriers to the bearing and raising of children and, probably most important, stimulate immigration in ways that will reinvigorate the nation’s population growth.

Even before the onset of the pandemic, Census Bureau projections foresaw the onset of slower growth, increased aging, and continued stagnation of our labor force. Among the many ways that are needed to recover from the pandemic, a focus on reactivating the nation’s population growth should be given high priority.

Aside from the medical concerns that the epidemic presented to millions of people, there was also an overwhelming sense of loneliness and fear that contributed to mental health problems. Humans are social beings, so it’s only natural that they want to connect with others and develop meaningful bonds. In fact, in the 21-30 age range, 90 per cent of men and 78 per cent of women showed a strong desire to venture out during these difficult times.

Eagerness to get out and meet new people

Two out of every three males in the 18-21 age group believe that they are obligated to go out and meet intriguing people; they believe that they no longer have a choice. Instead, it’s an absolute must to keep them sane.

According to QuackQuack CEO Ravi Mittal, the epidemic has produced a global feeling of agonising isolation triggered by stay-at-home standards. ‘The yearning among people, particularly young people, to return to regular conduct is stronger than ever. They’ve been glued to their screens for the past 18 months and can’t take it any longer.’

The sweet spot between video calls and restaurant dates.

While the epidemic has caused certain mental problems, it can never be regarded casually. It is necessary to maintain vigilance since lives are at stake. A decent strategy would be to keep the interactions online for as long as feasible and then organise for ‘meets-in-person’ when the pain of nostalgia becomes too much to bear. Men and women can communicate via phone conversations, chats, and video calls while also planning meet-ups at a favourite hangout.

At least 52 per cent of men aged 21 to 30 and 45 per cent of men aged 31 and up are willing to leave their homes on occasion for brunch or dinner dates. The fact that this population has already been vaccinated is one clear reason. According to App, 75 per cent of males in the 18-20 age bracket are willing to go out with their dates while adhering to all pandemic restrictions. A combination of online and physical dates, according to 44 per cent of women, is the greatest option for pursuing a romantic relationship.

Challenges that stem from dating the ‘hybrid’ way

In this time of uncertainty and disease, about 55 per cent of women between the ages of 21 and 30 are nervous about going out on a date. They do agree, however, that if they are too lonely or miserable to stay at home for too long, they may reconsider their decision not to go on an offline date. Moving out of your gates and attempting to enjoy a few moments with the one you love is both exciting and terrifying. Hybrid dating may not be the greatest option for lovers who are so enamoured with each other that they don’t want to be apart for even a second. It is still the most practical approach that is precisely aligned with the current circumstances.

It has the support of a large number of people of various ages, and as the trend gains traction, it is safe to assume that hybrid dating is not risky – 83 per cent of males in the 30+ age group agree. People are catching on to this new trend: in the last three months, the number of women who agree with the concept of hybrid dating has increased by 50 per cent . After all, mental health is at the top of the list of things that might assist you in living a happy life. There are no questions to be asked if anything assists you in achieving that goal. Everything is fair and just when it comes to finding ways to spend time with the people you care about. (IANS)