As South Asian families in the U.S. navigate the complexities of elder care, culturally appropriate resources and support systems are essential for ensuring dignity and independence for aging parents.
In many multigenerational South Asian families across the United States, adult children are often caught in a challenging balancing act. They juggle demanding careers, the responsibilities of raising their own children, and the intricate needs of aging parents.
The first wave of South Asian immigrants, who arrived in the mid-1960s, is now entering their 80s and 90s. This demographic shift highlights an urgent need for care that is not only immediate but also culturally sensitive. Unfortunately, the U.S. healthcare and elder care systems were not designed with immigrant communities in mind. Language barriers and dietary restrictions create significant gaps between available services and the cultural realities of desi households.
In a recent discussion during a Chai & Chat live talk, India Currents engaged with Salina Shah, the founder of Desi Daughters—a community platform dedicated to providing eldercare resources and culturally relevant support for South Asian families. Shah’s personal experiences in caring for aging family members led her to recognize that many South Asian families struggle to find culturally compatible support for their seniors. This realization prompted her to establish Desi Daughters as a trusted peer network to help families navigate the complexities of elder care.
One of the key insights from Shah’s work is the importance of culturally compatible care. Generic senior care often overlooks the holistic needs of South Asian elders, focusing primarily on medical monitoring. Effective care encompasses understanding a senior’s language, spiritual beliefs, and dietary preferences. When these elements are ignored, seniors may experience isolation and a decline in their overall well-being.
Specialized senior day centers have emerged as a vital solution to address these challenges. These centers not only provide essential services but also play a crucial role in combating the growing mental health crisis among immigrant seniors. By fostering connections through shared language and traditions, these centers help seniors feel valued, which in turn enhances their willingness to engage in necessary medical treatments and therapies.
Desi Daughters has grown from a small Facebook group into a vibrant community of over 13,000 members. This platform aims to ensure that South Asian families do not have to “reinvent the wheel” when it comes to elder care. It offers virtual support groups for specific conditions like Parkinson’s and dementia, while local chapters provide hyper-local resources, such as connecting families with Desi caregivers in their area.
The community’s approach to crowdsourcing knowledge has proven invaluable. Members share insights on everything from the best mobility aids to navigating recovery from surgeries, significantly reducing the time and emotional strain families face while seeking information and resources.
In the South Asian diaspora, caregiving is often viewed as a familial duty, a responsibility that disproportionately falls on women. Approximately 90% of the Desi Daughters community consists of daughters and daughters-in-law. While professional care options may be presented by advisors, families frequently limit their choices based on perceived community judgment or traditional expectations. To achieve the best outcomes, caregivers are encouraged to explore all available options, including assisted living and professional home care, ensuring they make informed decisions that benefit both the parent and the caregiver.
Another common misconception among South Asian families is that Medicare covers long-term care. In reality, Medicare primarily addresses short-term medical needs. Families must prepare for significant expenses associated with elder care, including home care, which averages $30 to $35 per hour, and assisted living or memory care, which can cost between $6,000 and $10,000 per month.
Women often face a “double whammy” in this financial landscape. Many retire early or switch to part-time work to provide care, jeopardizing their own retirement security. Given that women tend to outlive men, they are at a higher risk of depleting their savings. Consequently, some families are exploring care options in India, where reliable services are more affordable.
Initiating conversations about downsizing or end-of-life wishes can be daunting. However, these discussions are often more productive when initiated by seniors themselves. When parents lead the conversation, it alleviates the awkwardness and guilt that adult children may feel when suggesting their parents need assistance.
To avoid making decisions in crisis situations, South Asian families are encouraged to utilize resources like The Conversation Project or Five Wishes. These platforms provide guidance on planning for culturally specific end-of-life needs, including funeral arrangements and logistics for returning ashes to India.
Salina Shah emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the caregiver’s well-being. Caregiving can be a physically and mentally exhausting journey, potentially reducing a caregiver’s lifespan by up to eight years. To maintain their health, caregivers should adopt micro-strategies for self-care, such as taking a few moments to decompress before entering the home or engaging in hobbies and social activities outside of caregiving responsibilities.
Supporting a parent’s independence is one of the most valuable things an adult child can do. Overly assisting parents can lead to increased dependency and a loss of confidence. Shah advises caregivers to refrain from doing for their parents what they can still manage themselves.
India Currents hosts the Chai & Chat show monthly, featuring experts discussing topics that matter to the community. For more information, visit their website.
This text was edited with the assistance of an AI tool and has been reviewed and edited for accuracy and clarity by India Currents.