Prayer 2: As a Jew, Praying from Haifa, Israel
Adonai, I lie down in peace, and I will wake up with peace. May not a single thought or dream or nightmare disturb my rest. Adonai, please watch over my loved ones, particularly my son.
May you keep Israel safe. There are so many bombings happening. The war keeps on going and I don’t know why. No one in Israel wants this. I don’t think you want this either. I’m worried that our country will be wiped off of the face of the Earth. This is my home, my land, my country. And I don’t know how long it will last given the state of things.
You are the guardian of our country. You never rest. As I entrust to you my health I ask you to keep watch over our country, over the children of our land, over all the children of our earth.
I also entrust to you my spirit. I will go to sleep, assured that you will keep me safe from harm.
Before I sleep, I will confess one thing to you, Adonai. You are all-knowing and omnipresent. You already know what I have done just as you know what I will do, but I do not think that my mind will rest unless I take the time to tell you this story.
My husband and I walk in the garden for the Baha’i every day around seven, after we eat. It is right around the hour of sunset. The white temple of the Baha’i and the palm trees around glimmer in the pink and purple sky in the foreground, which dims and darkens as the sun leaves us. We walk up and down several rounds in the park until our feet are tired, and then we walk back home. Usually there is a set of benches in the gravel on which our neighbours sit.
Adonai, you have heard me talk about that doctor’s wife time and time again. I know when we first came to Haifa I complained about them a lot. I’ve grown busier with my family and my prayers, as you know, and so my mind has accepted my relationship with them for what it is.
But, Adonai, I don’t know what it was about today that changed me. I turned the corner with my husband and caught the eyes of that woman in the headscarf—I heard how she just changed the subject, mentioning my boy’s name and then reminding everyone in her group once again how she was the one who had caught him going to her apartment complex to find a boy to give a blowjob to. And, Adonai, I didn’t care whether she was Jewish or Muslim, Christian or Baha’i. I stood up for myself. I told her that whatever my son had done was none of her business. She tried to stutter out a response, but I shouted.
Whatever my son did is none of your business!
Whatever my son had done was none of her business. Whatever my son does, whatever he decides to do…it’s none of her business or the business of anyone, really.
It felt so good to say what I said, Adonai. I don’t know what I can accept and what I cannot, but I’m still working on myself. And you are there for me as I do so.
It’s none of her business. That really is the truth. Whatever happens to us as individuals is between ourselves and you, Adonai. No one else can intervene. No one else can pass judgment.
As for my son… well he is my child. There’s only so much I can accept. Yes, no one can pass judgment except you, Adonai. And that includes myself. But my child is hurt and living a difficult life and doesn’t want to share anything with his parents. There’s only one way I know how to respond to him and that is to guide. I’m doing my best and I know you are here to help me. But I also know that he has to be a part of it as well.
The healing process has begun. You are here for that, Adonai. You are bringing change inside of me so that I can face tomorrow refreshed and ready for the world.
If I can move past the stupid nonsense of this stranger, then I can hopefully one day let go of the tormenting voice in my head that repeat on and on, telling me that what my son did is wrong, and I deserve punishment.
Adonai, grant me a night of rest.
O Israel, Adonai is our God, and Adonai is One.
I praise you, Adonai, for sheltering peace over us, your people, the country of Israel, and Jerusalem.