For nearly ten years, I’ve worked closely with hundreds of students and their families as an extracurricular coach at Spike Lab. During this time, I’ve seen these students accomplish extraordinary feats — winning prestigious awards, securing venture capital, launching businesses, and initiating impressive projects. These achievements have set them apart in the ultra-competitive college admissions landscape, where standing out both inside and outside the classroom is essential. Many of these students have earned spots at top-tier institutions like Stanford, Harvard, and Princeton.
As I collaborated with them, I gained insights not just into the students’ strengths but also into their family dynamics. Across the board, I noticed a pattern among the parents of these high-achievers. They all tended to do a few key things — early and consistently — that helped lay the foundation for their child’s success. Here are four of the most important habits I’ve observed.
First, these parents avoid “snowplow” parenting. This approach involves removing all obstacles from a child’s path in an attempt to make life easier for them. It can be as minor as a parent coordinating emails on their child’s behalf (sometimes even pretending to be the child), or as major as writing the student’s college essay for them. Although these actions may be driven by love and the desire to help, they ultimately backfire.
This kind of parenting teaches children that they don’t have to take responsibility for their own actions — that someone else will always step in to solve their problems. In contrast, the most successful students I’ve worked with are those who learn to take charge, especially when things get tough. Instead of shielding them from challenges, the parents of these students serve as supportive advisors who only step in when truly necessary.
Letting children experience the natural outcomes of their inaction — like missing a deadline or falling short on a project — can teach them powerful lessons. They’re less likely to repeat the same mistakes when they face real consequences. As a result, they grow into more resilient and self-sufficient individuals.
Second, these parents show genuine respect for their children’s interests. I’ve worked with students who have pursued highly specific and unconventional passions, and I’ve seen them achieve remarkable results. For example, one student developed an elementary school math curriculum based on baseball statistics. Another started a knitting circle specifically for athletes. These projects weren’t chosen because they were “impressive” on paper, but because the students cared deeply about them.
While it’s natural for some parents to want to guide their children toward more “serious” or traditionally successful pursuits, it’s more beneficial to let kids follow their passions. “You never know what kind of success can come from supporting those passions and helping them flourish,” I’ve observed. Encouraging children to dig deeper into their own curiosities often leads to greater engagement, creativity, and fulfillment.
However, that doesn’t mean every hobby needs to evolve into a lifelong commitment. Not all interests will become passions, and that’s okay. It’s also critical that parents avoid nudging their children into activities solely because they believe it will strengthen a college application. Authenticity matters far more, both for personal growth and for standing out in admissions.
Third, successful parents nurture independence from an early age. Today, it’s not unusual to see elementary schoolers with schedules as busy as high school seniors — soccer practice, art classes, music lessons, tutoring sessions. While structured activities can be valuable, they often leave little room for free, unstructured time — and that’s a problem.
Research supports the idea that children who spend more time in unstructured environments develop stronger independence. I’ve seen firsthand how beneficial this can be. One of my most emotionally mature students, for instance, had been walking to school by themselves from a young age. This simple habit gave them a sense of autonomy and confidence that carried over into many areas of their life.
Even seemingly small, everyday decisions — like choosing what to wear or what to eat — can help kids build decision-making skills. Encouraging this kind of autonomy early on fosters not just independence, but also creativity and self-assurance.
Fourth, the parents of thriving students consistently model positive behavior. This is arguably one of the most powerful yet overlooked parenting strategies. Children are constantly observing the adults around them, and they tend to adopt the behaviors they see modeled at home.
If you want your kids to develop healthy screen habits, don’t constantly be on your phone when you’re around them. If you want them to value physical fitness, make sure they regularly see you exercising. “Think about the person you want your child to become,” I always suggest. “Ask yourself: Am I demonstrating those traits in front of them?”
It’s not just about what you say, but what you do. Children pick up on inconsistencies between your actions and your words. If you stress the importance of responsibility, purpose, and hard work, but your own habits suggest otherwise, your message won’t resonate. But if you live those values out loud, they’re more likely to stick.
Ultimately, these four strategies — avoiding over-involvement, honoring children’s interests, encouraging independence, and setting a strong example — create an environment where kids can truly thrive. It’s not about micromanaging their every move or molding them into a specific idea of success. It’s about giving them the tools, confidence, and support to carve their own path.
I’ve seen this formula work again and again. The students who succeed not just in college admissions but in life are those who were trusted early on to take responsibility, explore their interests, and learn from their mistakes. Their parents aren’t perfect, but they understand the long-term value of raising independent, motivated, and self-aware young adults.
As a coach, it’s been a privilege to witness their journeys — and it all starts at home, with the quiet yet powerful influence of a parent who leads with intention and trust.