Life Lessons from the End: Regrets People Share in Their Final Moments

Shoshana Ungerleider, an internal medicine doctor, believes that to live a truly meaningful and fulfilling life, one must come to terms with the fact that life inevitably ends. Over her years caring for patients in the hospital, she has observed several common regrets people express near the end of their lives, as she shared with CNBC Make It.

“Being close to the end of your life really allows you — pushes you — to be present because that’s all you have,” Ungerleider, 44, remarked. She is the host of the forthcoming “Before We Go” podcast and the founder of the nonprofit End Well Foundation. “That is true for all of us. Throughout our lives, this present moment is all we have.”

As a physician who specializes in end-of-life care, Ungerleider has noticed that many of her patients express certain recurring regrets as they near the end of their journeys. She highlights five major regrets that individuals often confront when reflecting on their lives.

The first common regret she encounters is, “I didn’t spend enough time with the people I love.” Many people look back and realize that they missed out on valuable moments with their loved ones due to other priorities.

A second regret often heard is, “I worked too much and missed out on life.” The realization that time spent at work overshadowed personal joys and experiences is a tough reality for many facing their mortality.

A third regret revolves around fear: “I let fear control my decisions and didn’t take risks.” Ungerleider explains that, for many, the fear of the unknown or of failure kept them from taking opportunities they now wish they had embraced.

Another sentiment frequently expressed is, “I wish I’d been braver in the face of uncertainty or opportunity.” People realize too late that courage in the face of challenges could have led to richer, more fulfilling experiences.

Finally, Ungerleider observes that many regret losing touch with the present moment. “I focused too much on the future and lost touch with the present” is a lamentation she often hears, as people reflect on how they spent too much time worrying about what was to come rather than appreciating what they had in the present.

To help prevent these regrets, Ungerleider suggests a simple but profound practice: consistently reminding oneself that life is finite and uncertain. She advises individuals to regularly ask themselves key, life-defining questions: How do I want to spend my time? What matters most to me?

Ungerleider especially encourages younger people to adopt this habit of reflection. While they may not have yet faced serious health challenges or the mortality of loved ones, she believes that this practice is essential for living a long and healthy life with good quality.

“I’d recommend eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and avoiding things like smoking and high-risk activities. Reflecting on mortality should really be on that list,” she says. Ungerleider stresses that thinking about death is an integral part of living well: “Reflecting on our own mortality throughout life, whether you’re 20, 50, 80, whatever, allows us to live better every day with more meaning and purpose in our lives.”

Acknowledging death doesn’t have to be morbid—it can help individuals find beauty and value in life’s everyday moments. In a July episode of “The Happiness Lab” podcast, Alua Arthur, an author and founder of the end-of-life planning organization Going With Grace, echoed this sentiment. Arthur described how grounding herself in the reality of her mortality has helped her appreciate life’s small joys. “Grounding in my mortality means that at some point I won’t have access to all these senses anymore,” Arthur said. “And so, how cool is it that I can feel cold on my hands? How cool is it that I have plates for me to eat off of?”

Recognizing that death is inevitable can help people focus on what truly matters and bring more meaning into their lives. According to Ungerleider, reflecting on life’s impermanence allows us to live with greater intention and focus on what’s important, rather than getting lost in the distractions of daily life.

This idea of finding happiness and fulfillment by acknowledging life’s fragility resonates with others who have also worked closely with people nearing the end of their lives. Siddhartha Mukherjee, a Pulitzer Prize-winning author and oncologist, shared similar insights during his commencement speech at the University of Pennsylvania in May. Mukherjee emphasized that, on their deathbeds, people often express regret about not showing enough love and forgiveness to those they care about. “Waiting [to express yourself] merely delays the inevitable,” Mukherjee noted, suggesting that people should not postpone important emotional expressions or relationships.

Bronnie Ware, a former palliative care worker and author, also explored the regrets of those nearing death in her 2011 book, *The Top Five Regrets of the Dying*. One of the most frequent regrets she heard from patients was, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” In her work, Ware found that many individuals felt they had conformed to societal expectations rather than pursuing their own desires and dreams.

In a blog post, Ware further explained that people often don’t realize until the end that happiness is a choice. She observed that individuals can become trapped in familiar patterns and habits, which may not necessarily bring them joy. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits,” she wrote. “Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”

The consistent message shared by Ungerleider, Mukherjee, Arthur, and Ware is that, in the face of death, people’s priorities tend to become clearer. Love, relationships, personal growth, and being true to oneself take on greater significance. This shift in perspective often leads to the realization that many of the things people once worried about—such as work, fear, and the future—are far less important than they once seemed.

By confronting mortality and reflecting on what truly matters, individuals can make more conscious choices about how they live. Whether it’s spending more time with loved ones, being braver in the face of uncertainty, or simply appreciating life’s small pleasures, the ultimate lesson is clear: life is precious, and we have the power to live it fully, free from regret.