High school senior Kavya Samudrala reflects on her unique role at a hospital, where her neutrality offers a different kind of comfort to patients and their families.
Every week, when I check into my shift at the hospital, I find myself in a unique position. I am one of the few individuals in the building who is not consumed by worry for another person. This sets me apart from the patients, many of whom are critically ill, and their loved ones who sit anxiously in the waiting room, their elbows resting on their knees and hands folded in prayer.
Unlike the nurses who rush through the halls calling out “code!” or the doctors who strive to mask their fatigue with reassuring smiles, I occupy a different space. Although I may seem insignificant in the bustling hospital environment, my responsibilities—such as directing visitors and assisting with lab deliveries—often make me feel integrated into the community.
Yet, I reluctantly acknowledge that I do not truly understand what these individuals are experiencing. The harsh reality is that despite my desire to empathize with those around me, I find myself unable to connect on a deeper level. My attempts at offering smiles, meant to be reassuring, can sometimes come off as patronizing, while my body language, intended to convey comfort, often feels awkward.
Empathy is not an innate quality; it is cultivated through observation and experience. However, even years of watching others cannot replicate the profound understanding that comes from personal experience. I realize that I cannot fully grasp the emotions swirling in the minds of every patient, loved one, nurse, doctor, or staff member until I have walked in their shoes.
While this realization may seem like a limitation, I have come to see it as a potential strength. When someone enters the hospital, filled with apprehension and anxiety, they encounter me—a blank slate. I am the only person in the room who does not presume to know how they feel. My willingness to help is not rooted in their illness or distress, but simply in my capacity to assist. From this perspective, I have discovered that my neutrality can provide a form of comfort that is just as valuable as a reassuring smile from someone who has experienced similar struggles.
With this understanding, I embrace my role at the hospital. I am Kavya Samudrala, and I find meaning in being a neutral party amidst the emotional turbulence that surrounds me.
Kavya Samudrala is currently a senior at a high school in the Bay Area. She enjoys reading classic literature, watching the Golden State Warriors, and listening to indie-pop music.
This story was originally published on Perspectives, KQED, and republished through the India Currents-KQED collaborative. If you would like to share your perspective, click the link below: KQED Perspectives Submission Guidelines.
Source: Original article