Exploring the psychological concepts of true-self and false-self, this article discusses the impact of societal expectations on individual identity and the importance of self-acceptance.
“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.” — Shannon L. Alder
British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott introduced the concepts of true-self and false-self, which represent the psychological dimensions of our being. The true self embodies authenticity and spontaneity, while the false self is a persona crafted to meet social expectations and gain approval, often serving as a protective façade that masks one’s genuine feelings and desires.
The true self flourishes in a nurturing environment where it can be expressed and accepted. Parents and guardians play a crucial role in fostering this development by providing a secure base for children to explore their emotions. Conversely, when a child’s needs are unmet or their true self is not embraced, they may resort to developing a false self as a coping mechanism. Factors such as social expectations, cultural norms, and personal experiences significantly contribute to the formation of this false self.
To fit in and gain acceptance, individuals often create alternate personas driven by a need for approval from others. This defense mechanism can lead to concealing vulnerabilities and true feelings, ultimately resulting in a disconnect from one’s authentic self.
Societal pressures impose numerous ‘oughts and shoulds’ that can stifle the emergence of our true selves. In many cultures, including Indian society, there is a strong expectation to prioritize familial roles—such as being a father, daughter, son, or mother—over personal aspirations. This can lead to a diminished sense of self and, in some cases, a complete loss of identity.
As individuals navigate these societal landscapes, the resulting duplicity can adversely affect self-esteem. Continuous societal expectations and cultural norms shape our self-perception and can lead to internal conflicts.
Rather than striving to eliminate the false self, the focus should be on recognizing and integrating it. The true self and false self are not merely two opposing entities; rather, individuals often possess multiple selves, some of which may be more authentic than others. It is unrealistic to expect to be our true selves at all times, as this is contingent upon our surroundings and the people we interact with. It is essential to avoid creating an illusion of authenticity and instead concentrate on self-acceptance.
Unaddressed internal conflicts can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, depression, addiction, and eating disorders. Individuals may experience a profound sense of emptiness due to a lack of genuine connections, leading to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and low self-esteem.
One significant concern that arises from these internal struggles is the prevalence of eating disorders. Statistics reveal that approximately 9% of the U.S. population, or 28.8 million Americans, will experience an eating disorder in their lifetime. Each year, around 10,200 deaths are directly linked to eating disorders, equating to one death every 52 minutes. Alarmingly, less than 6% of individuals with eating disorders are medically classified as “underweight.” The overall lifetime prevalence of eating disorders is estimated to be 8.60% among females and 4.07% among males.
Maintaining a balanced and nutritious diet is vital for overall health. Undernourishment can lead to significant physical repercussions and hormonal imbalances, resulting in issues such as anemia, gastrointestinal problems, heart complications, kidney issues, and amenorrhea.
The term ‘false’ often carries a negative connotation, suggesting that it should be eradicated. However, the objective should not be to eliminate the false self but to observe, reflect, understand, and integrate it. This is where therapeutic intervention can be beneficial. These behaviors are learned survival mechanisms, and by taking a moment to articulate these experiences, individuals can trace their origins and work towards self-acceptance.
Consider the story of Banu*, a freshman at a local public school. Once enthusiastic about dressing up and wearing makeup, she began to feel out of place as her body changed during puberty. As she noticed her friends receiving more likes on social media, she became desperate to revert to her previous appearance.
The joy she once derived from fashion diminished, leading her to withdraw from her friends and social activities. In her pursuit of regaining her former body, Banu resorted to fasting and laxatives, which ultimately led to alarming behaviors. Her mother discovered her attempting to vomit one evening, initially believing she was unwell. Upon learning the truth, she became concerned for her daughter’s well-being.
Banu’s obsession with social media validation resulted in sleep deprivation, loss of motivation, and extreme fatigue. Following a recommendation from her primary care doctor, she began counseling for her eating disorder.
After just three sessions with the school counselor, Banu felt a sense of relief in sharing her struggles. The counselor subsequently referred her to a therapist specializing in eating disorders. Through therapy, Banu was able to identify the underlying issues driving her eating behaviors and began to reclaim her sense of self.
She recognized that her eating habits were a manifestation of her false self, which relied heavily on social media approval for validation. Therapy helped her understand that the persona she had constructed was not her true identity, allowing her to embrace and celebrate her authentic self.
*Name changed upon request
For those struggling with eating disorders, resources such as the Eating Disorders Resource Center and the National Eating Disorders Association can provide support and guidance.
Source: Original article