Letting go is a vital psychological process that allows individuals to release attachments to past events, fostering emotional freedom and improving overall well-being.
What does it mean to let go? In my graduate school days, I invited a friend over for dinner, adding, “Oh, and bring your wife!” We had previously met a couple of times, both at their home and mine, and I wanted to make it clear that she was invited too. However, that casual phrase seriously offended him. They cut me off completely, pointedly ignoring me whenever our paths crossed. For many years afterward, I obsessed over this incident, feeling misunderstood and poorly treated by a couple I liked. The memory of that event and its consequences would hurt whenever I was reminded of them. I just couldn’t let it go.
Letting go involves intentionally loosening and releasing an attachment to a past event, outcome, or identity. It is a conscious psychological process that changes your relationship with your history, allowing it to no longer dictate your present. This process is not about forgetting the past or giving up. In most instances, failing to let go can have negative consequences for our well-being.
Many of us have stories about events and relationships in our lives that we’ve struggled to release, often with more serious outcomes. For instance, I read about a woman whose son died in an accident. As a coping mechanism, she kept his social media accounts active, posting as him and responding to comments for years. This obsession affected her bond with her surviving daughter, ultimately harming their relationship.
Another example is a young boy who moved with his parents to a new city and couldn’t get over leaving his best friend behind. Unable to make friends at his new school, he struggled academically as well. Similarly, a man in his 80s preserved his deceased wife’s side of the bedroom exactly as it was for fifteen years after her death, down to the glass of water on the nightstand. He felt that moving anything would amount to betraying her. Unable to move past his loss, he stopped engaging with his children and grandchildren and neglected his own health.
Why is letting go so hard? It can be incredibly challenging. Letting go is not merely an emotional or logical choice; it is a biological and psychological struggle against our brain’s survival instincts. Our brains and nervous systems have evolved to prioritize safety, stability, and connections over happiness or well-being. Any change can feel like a threat to our survival.
Dr. Joe Dispenza, an international lecturer and researcher, describes this struggle as a “civil war” between our logical mind and our biological hardwiring. We are naturally averse to loss, and our brains are wired to feel the pain of loss twice as intensely as the joy of gain. Letting go can feel like losing a piece of ourselves. We often fear the uncertainty of releasing our attachments more than we fear the known discomfort and pain. This leads us to prioritize familiarity over logic, creating a strong need for our “issue” to be resolved.
Recognizing when holding on is causing more harm than the fear of losing is crucial. Letting go is essential for our mental health, personal growth, and future happiness. This action releases the psychological weight that keeps us stuck in unproductive cycles, allowing us to stop fighting a past we cannot change and start focusing on a present we can influence.
When we let go, we begin to experience life more fully, leading to improved overall well-being. We gain emotional freedom as the burdens of grudges, guilt, or pain are lifted, creating space for joy, gratitude, and other positive emotions. This shift also increases our mental energy.
The mental stress associated with chronic anger, anxiety, and depression dissipates. Inner peace is restored, enabling us to discover new opportunities and strengths while developing healthier, more authentic relationships based on trust and respect. By freeing up mental resources and energy, we can be more present with what truly matters, rather than continually looking back. We learn to focus on what we can control, and the resilience and psychological flexibility we cultivate through acceptance make us more adaptable to challenges.
In his book, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, Eckhart Tolle explains that true power comes not from the need to retain possession of something but from the inner strength of non-attachment. He states, “Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”
What happens when you don’t let go? Medical research indicates that the inability to let go, particularly the persistence of negative emotions, is a significant predictor of long-term physical and mental decline. Chronic emotional states such as resentment, anger, and rumination trigger sustained physiological responses that can damage multiple body systems.
Chronic stress and anger are leading risk factors for heart disease, comparable to smoking or obesity. The prolonged release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline can damage arteries by causing plaque buildup, increasing the risk of heart attack or stroke. Additionally, holding onto negative feelings can compromise the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to common colds and serious infections.
Loneliness and chronic emotional stress act as a “fertilizer” for disease, promoting systemic inflammation that can accelerate cancer-cell growth or contribute to Alzheimer’s disease. This impact is particularly adverse for those already dealing with serious illnesses. Patients with existing conditions who use defense mechanisms to mask or deny their feelings often experience higher mortality rates.
Failing to let go also adversely affects brain health. Unresolved emotional conflicts are strongly linked to the development of anxiety, severe depression, and PTSD. Prolonged stress can lead to a reduction in brain volume in areas critical for higher functioning, such as the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus.
It is important to clarify what letting go is not. Letting go is an active, courageous choice; it is not giving up, apathy, indifference, or a sign of weakness. It is a mindful decision based on clarity. Letting go does not mean you stop feeling sadness, regret, or disappointment; it means you are no longer a prisoner of those feelings. You do not have to forgive someone to let go of the weight they placed on you. Letting go does not mean you no longer love or care for someone or something you have lost; it allows you to channel those memories or love into ways to honor them.
When you let go, you begin to move forward again. A popular quote summarizes the teachings of the Sufi mystic and poet Rumi on the subject of attachment and detachment: “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.”
In conclusion, embracing the power of letting go can lead to profound personal transformation and enhanced well-being, allowing us to live more fully in the present.
According to India Currents.