Set in Batam, Riau Islands, Indonesia
“Sayang, saya harus berbicara sama kamu.”
“Baik. But don’t say, ‘I must speak with you’. It makes me nervous.”
“It is something you will want to hear. You will be proud of me.”
“You will finally move us to Singapore?”
“You are this old, and you are remembering to tell jokes. That is good.”
“Singapore is just on the other side. I think about it every day.”
“Singapore is not on the other side of our home. Singapore is on the other side of the strait, and there is too much water between us. Look. Just outside of that window, I see some coconut trees and some bushes and some grass leading to the water, and then I see a lot of water.”
“I see smog.”
“I see smog and water both. What is smog, and what is water…sometimes it is hard to differentiate.”
“Sayang, I am an old woman. Your mother is an old woman. Look how poorly she is eating. You are dangling martabak in front of her but letting the chocolate drip all over the table and the peanut sauce stain the wood.”
“Let me say what I wanted to say…I think I am going to retire.”
“You want to retire? Sayang, that is great news. Congratulations! Congratulations! Do you hear that, Ibu? Your son is finally listening to me.”
“Why are you acting like I am having a birthday party? If I retire, we will have to worry about money again. There will be no one earning for the family. Are you thinking about that?”
“You said it like it was good news. Jadi I started to celebrate.”
“You are happy. I can hear it in your voice. I can see it on your face.”
“I am sorry you are sad that I am happy. I did not realise this was a test.”
“It was not a test. I am really considering that I should retire.”
“Do you want to retire?”
“I don’t know. The economy of Batam is very bad. It will get worse. Everything in Indonesia is getting worse. Soon, most of it will be underwater.”
“And we will not be alive at that point. Our son is also abroad.”
“Benar. But I can work for longer. I still feel energetic and alert. I can work until I am hundred, and I would not even feel like I am older than thirty.”
“That is up to you, sayang.”
“But the idea of me retiring makes you happy.”
“Sayang, you are my husband. I love you. Is it wrong that I would want to see my husband at home with me? We can take care of the hens together. We can focus on our garden again.”
“And my mother?”
“What about your mother?”
“You are a good wife. You spend all of your time caring for my mother while I am at the hospital. But I was a seeing a patient a few days ago, and my patient made me think about her. I thought about all she did for me. I thought about the life in Bintan that I left. She never wanted to leave her life in Bintan when she was well. And I was never able to ask her what she wanted because her health deteriorated so quickly, and bringing her to the city was the best option. But right now she spends all day with you and only some hours of the day with me. If I made the decision to bring her home for her health, then I should be spending more time with her. At least I know that is what she would have truly wanted.”
“I am proud of you for realising that. That was what I was trying to say that last time we fought, but I did not say it well. You understand what your mother wants. It is not really about retirement. It is about spending time with your mother during the time she has left.”
“And what about when my mother dies? What will I do for work after that?”
“Your mother still has time to live. You can consider that question after.”
“Sayang, I consider the bills twenty days before they come. I plan out my hours of rest to the minute. I am not someone who can wait idly and not consider the future. If I retire, I will not be able to return to work. There are also patients who need me, and they will need me long after my mother does. How will I live with myself after failing them? I’ve done so much for the people at the hospital. I have more to give.”
“Did you want my opinion?”
“I don’t know.”
“I will tell you. Yes, I want you to retire. Yes, it would make me happy. Yes, it would make your mother happy, too. It will also be good for you. You will have time to spend with your family. We do not have to worry about money. Money comes and money goes, and we were born poor. If I had to choose between money and my husband, I would rather be poor again.”
“Poor? You want to be like these people who look for nasi to eat in the trash?”
“We will never be that poor. I don’t want a big house. I don’t want money to spend on this dress or that table. I want to be with you. Stay with us. Retire. We will have another person in our family again. We will have fun.”
“Ibu is looking happy as you speak. Look at her smile.”
“Now you are smiling, too.”
“Because I feel good. I feel better. I am glad I told you. And I am glad to see Ibu smile.”
“You know why it feels good? Allah makes us feel good when we are hearing something that is right. Karena itu. It is what Allah wants us to do. You do not believe in Allah the way I do. I respect you. But believe that the plans that have been made for us are bigger than anything in our minds. Believe in Allah’s plans. It is time to retire. Listen to the plan.”
“They will not miss you. They are not your close ones. They see you as their doctor. They are happy to receive treatment. They are not happy because they have gotten to know you. It is not the same as how we feel, sayang. We need you at home. We need the man of our house. We love you.”
“Sa-sa.”
“Look at Ibu. She is trying to say something.”
“We know what she wants to say.”
“Sa-sa.”
“Do not try to speak. Ibu, we love you. Yes, I love you. I did everything for you. You don’t believe me, but I left you because I love you. I had so much to give to you, but none of it could be given if I had stayed in Bintan. I didn’t want you to be lonely, but you were, and for that I am sorry. Now I promise to doall I can for you by your side.”
“Bu-buk.”
“Bukan. Don’t say ‘bukan’. Ibu, I am so sorry. Don’t stress yourself. Don’t speak. And don’t worry, it is time for us to be together. Sayang, you are right. It is time to retire.”
“What is the time?”
“You will have to go to prayer soon. Let me help you ready my mother. Let us go together.”
