Are You as Happy as You Should Be?
The question of whether we are as happy as we should be often keeps me awake at night. This curiosity led me to study and write about happiness. I realized in my 20s that much of what we learn as children doesn’t fully align with psychological well-being. While my parents and teachers expressed a desire for my happiness, they rarely provided credible scientific methods to achieve it.
To bridge this gap, I enrolled in Yale’s free 8-week happiness course, The Science of Well-Being, taught by Yale Psychology professor Dr. Laurie Santos. The course focuses on common flaws in our thinking and approach to happiness. A central concept in the course is the GI Joe Fallacy, developed by Dr. Santos. This fallacy, inspired by the children’s TV show GI Joe, highlights the erroneous belief that merely knowing something is enough to change behavior. Dr. Santos emphasizes, “Merely knowing something isn’t enough to put it into practice. It’s not enough to change your behavior.”
As a self-help writer, I’ve observed that many people consume self-help content as a substitute for actual self-improvement. They feel a sense of progress by reading about the importance of exercise or cold showers but fail to follow through. Similarly, many people take writing courses but do little writing. This behavior is fascinating and ultimately fine if they enjoy it. However, if their goal is to write or be happy, merely studying these topics won’t suffice. The course teaches that understanding happiness requires effort beyond mere comprehension.
When the professor polled the class about what they believed would make them happy, most students were wrong. They listed common goals such as good grades, a good job, marriage, and great money. However, experiments showed that achieving dream internships or other goals didn’t make students happier in the long run. Harvard Professor Dan Gilbert, in his book *Stumbling Upon Happiness*, found that people making $40,000 per year believed that earning $60,000 or $75,000 would make them happy, while those earning $75,000 thought $90,000 would suffice. Although each income increase brought temporary happiness, people quickly reverted to their previous state of satisfaction.
We continuously re-baseline our expectations, leading to a frustrating cycle of restlessness and acclimation, which hinders happiness. How do we counteract this?
Happiness Strategies
One effective strategy is savoring, which significantly boosts well-being. Savoring involves deliberately reflecting on and appreciating experiences after they occur. As part of my assignment, I practiced savoring daily, usually focusing on small, everyday activities. One day, I savored the feeling of being clean after a workout, which always rejuvenates me but often goes unappreciated. Another day, I reflected on the relaxation of reading a book during a rainstorm in Tampa. By the third day, I noticed an improvement in my mood and overall disposition.
This practice can also be incorporated into a daily gratitude journal, where you express thankfulness for small moments (mine takes only 60 seconds). Dr. Santos advises feeling the gratitude as you think about it. Taking photos of things you’re grateful for can also help.
Another key strategy is investing in temporal things, which expire shortly after use. This counters the instinct to acclimate to our environment. Investing in experiences rather than material objects also enhances mental well-being. Dr. Leaf Van Boven’s study found a negative correlation between spending on material objects and mental well-being, while spending on experiences positively correlated with happiness due to their potential for positive reinterpretation over time.
For instance, my wife Laura and I take an annual trip with friends Dan and Rick, usually to Mexico. This trip brings us satisfaction, a sense of reward, and an escape from routine. Reflecting on these experiences provides lasting happiness, unlike material purchases, which offer only temporary joy.
The Bronze Medal Problem
Another impactful concept is the bronze medal problem. Researcher Dr. Victoria Medvec studied photos of Olympic medalists and found that silver medalists often displayed more negative facial expressions than bronze medalists. Bronze medalists were generally happier because silver medalists focused on what they could have done to win gold, while bronze medalists were grateful to have made it to the podium.
As a former swimmer, I relate to this. In high school, I placed second in the 50 free at my state championships, losing by .03 seconds. It took years to get over it. However, a year later in college, I won a bronze medal in the 100 free and was thrilled. These outcomes represent my best and worst athletic memories, illustrating our tendency to compare and dwell on what could have been.
A counterintuitive strategy to combat this is visualizing important aspects of your life not being there. Research shows this exercise leads to greater satisfaction. For instance, I should remember that in the same high school meet where I placed second, I beat the third-place winner by only .05 seconds. Or, when thinking about my spouse, I should consider the chance encounter that led to our meeting and how fortunate that was.
This exercise highlights the importance of appreciating what we have. Beautiful, loving people and simple luxuries are never guaranteed.
Final Thoughts
The course was enlightening and reminded me to prioritize basic health needs. Our bodies are complex chemical experiments, and without proper sleep, exercise, and nutrition, we disrupt our chemical and hormonal balances. For me, sleep significantly impacts my happiness, acting as a supercharger for my mood and energy. A Norwegian study of college students found a clear link between quality sleep and life satisfaction.
I wish you all the happiness life can bring. Invest time in these exercises: practice savoring everyday activities, invest in experiences over material possessions, recognize the GI Joe Fallacy, and make healthy comparisons. Remember, happiness requires effort, not just knowledge. Don’t become the bitter silver medalist in life.
