Are you as happy as you should be? That question often keeps me up at night and fueled my interest in studying and writing about happiness. In my 20s, I realized that much of what we’re taught as kids doesn’t fully align with psychological wellbeing.
Sure, my parents and teachers said, “I want you to be happy.” But how often do they teach us how to be happy using credible science?
This curiosity led me to enroll in Yale’s 8-week happiness course, The Science of Well-Being, which is free and highly informative. Here are a few takeaways, how they connected with my life, and how they can impact yours.
The Basics
The course, taught by Yale Psychology professor Dr. Laurie Santos, focuses on flaws in our thinking and approach to happiness. A central concept is the GI Joe Fallacy, based on the kid’s TV show GI Joe, which ended with, “And now you know. And knowing is half the battle.”
According to Dr. Santos, “Merely knowing something isn’t enough to put it into practice. It’s not enough to change your behavior.” This insight resonates with my experience as a self-help writer. Many people consume self-help content as a pseudo act of self-improvement. It feels like progress to read about the importance of exercise or cold showers, but this knowledge is useless if not acted upon.
The same applies to writing courses I’ve taught. Many people enroll and participate but do little writing. While they may enjoy the process, it doesn’t help them achieve their goal of becoming writers. The same principle applies to happiness—understanding it requires action beyond mere knowledge.
The Misalignment of Expectations and Outcomes
When the professor polled the class on what they thought would make them happy, most answers—good grades, a good job, marriage, money—were wrong. Experiments showed that students given their dream internships were no happier months later than before.
Harvard Professor Dan Gilbert, in his book Stumbling Upon Happiness, found that people always thought a higher income would make them happy, yet each raise provided only temporary happiness. We constantly re-baseline our expectations, leading to a cycle of restlessness and acclimation, explaining many people’s lack of happiness.
Happiness Strategies
One effective strategy is savoring, which boosts wellbeing. Savoring involves reflecting on and appreciating past experiences. For my assignment, I took time daily to savor one experience. Often, these were small everyday activities.
One day, I savored showering after a hard workout, appreciating the feeling of being clean. Another day, I enjoyed a brief rainstorm while reading a book and reflected on how relaxing it was. By the third day, I noticed an improvement in my mood and overall disposition.
This practice can also be part of a daily gratitude journal, where you express thankfulness for small moments (mine takes only 60 seconds). Dr. Santos emphasizes feeling the gratitude as you think about it. You can also take photos of what you’re grateful for if that helps.
Invest in Temporal Things
Another key strategy from the course is investing in things that expire shortly after use, countering the instinct to acclimate to your environment.
Moreover, invest in experiences. Dr. Leaf Van Boven’s study found a negative correlation between spending on material objects and mental wellbeing. People overestimate the happiness these purchases bring. Conversely, spending on experiences positively correlates with mental wellbeing due to their potential for positive reinterpretation over time.
For example, my wife Laura and I take an annual trip with friends to Mexico. This provides satisfaction, a sense of reward, and an escape from routine. I can look back and appreciate the time spent with friends and new experiences. Conversely, while I enjoy buying a new car, it doesn’t significantly add to my happiness.
The Bronze Medal Problem
A striking fallacy relates to bronze medals. Researcher Dr. Victoria Medvec studied photos of Olympic medalists and found silver medalists had a more negative demeanor than bronze medalists, who were happier. This reflects our tendency to compare and dwell on “what could have been.”
As a swimmer, I got second place in the 50 free at my high school state championships, losing by .03 seconds. It bothered me for years. Yet, a year later, I got a bronze medal in the 100 free and was over the moon. These two outcomes are my best and worst athletic memories, illustrating our comparison problem.
A counterintuitive strategy to combat this is visualizing something important in your life not being there. This leads to greater satisfaction. For instance, I often forget that in that same high school meet, I beat the third place winner by only .05 seconds. I should have been grateful for the silver.
With your spouse, think about the chance encounter of meeting them and how easily it might not have happened. This exercise highlights the things we take for granted, reminding us that the people and luxuries around us were never guaranteed.
A Few Things Before You Go
The course was informative, emphasizing that we must check all the basic health boxes. Our bodies are complex chemical experiments. Without proper sleep, exercise, and nutrition, we throw these balances off.
In my experience, sleep impacts my happiness the most. A Norwegian study of college students found a clear link between quality sleep and life satisfaction.
I wish you all the happiness life can bring. Invest in these exercises, practice savoring, and appreciate mundane activities like showering or hearing kids laugh. Invest in experiences over material possessions; memories carry more value than shiny objects.
Recognize the GI Joe Fallacy—happiness takes work, not just knowledge. Make healthy comparisons and remember how easily the things and people you love could not be here. Don’t become the bitter silver medalist in life.
